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I'm a psychologist and I've been part of the profession's national committee for eight years and enjoyed my time. I recently joined the state committee and my experience has not been as positive.
We were unable to stream our AGM (annual general meeting) online because no one had a Zoom link. I am the secretary, but the colleague I referred to in the title said that another committee member would now liaise with the national body because I get "overwhelmed easily". She made this comment in front of the entire committee. I have no idea where this has come from, but I assumed she was managing the Zoom link.
I was blamed for not having a Zoom link on the night and told I should have it. I was never sent it and reemphasised this in a followup email after checking all my emails from the national body, who are responsible for sending it. A committee member who wanted to attend online also sent me a rude text blaming me. My colleague was told it was a "dreadful" thing to happen, and I should apologise. When I laughed at the situation to lighten the mood, I was told not to laugh because it wasn't funny.
I later spoke to the national body and they said they sent the link to the Chair. She missed the email. There was no apology.
I went on a mindfulness retreat with the committee to the country recently. I was in a different cabin to everyone else. When the retreat were unable to find a bed for me, my colleague ignored me. When I got there and sat down, two of them, including my colleague, stood up and left.
I sat down with them after dinner and asked how long the walk would be the next day. I have a physical disability and a chronic illness, which makes strenuous exercise difficult. My colleague snapped, "20 miles!" The walk was about 2kms.
The next day, weirdly, she came into my cabin to see if I was OK. I was fine - I was just getting ready. When I came down, I sat next to her. She looked to the other side of her to look at our colleague for about 10 seconds. I looked at the face of my other colleague and it was clear it was about me.
Later in the day, I spilt some soup in a public situation because I have a tremor. She knows I have a tremor because I had neurosurgery for it two years ago. She came up to me afterwards, and in a very patronising way asked, "how are you coooopppiinnnggg?" I just said, "I'm fine - why wouldn't I be?" She then walked off and didn't talk to me again.
I decided to leave the retreat early the following morning. That was three days ago and no one ever contacted me to see if I got home safely (it was a 2.5 hour drive), or to see what happened to me.
If of relevance, the other committee members all know each other from university, when they were doing their doctorates in the early 2000s, when I was in high school.
I don't know what her problem with me is, but I am considering resigning. I have drafted this email to the Chair, but I would copy in the mentioned colleague, and potentially the entire committee.
Dear X,
I am writing to you to let you know that I am resigning from my role as secretary with the X committee of the Y.
I have reflected on the culture that has been cultivated within the committee, and I don’t feel that it is consistent with the values that originally drew me to volunteer with the XYZ, and indeed, to become a psychologist. In that sense, I feel that I would be disingenuous to continue my involvement in the committee.
This is not a reflection on the national committee, and I have enjoyed my time as a national committee member immensely.
Kind regards,
Does anyone have any thoughts? Would you resign in this situation? Is my email appropriate?
You don't need a justification. if you're not happy and want to pursue other opportunities, go for it. You don't owe anyone anything.
Based on what you described - it's certainly not an environment I would want to be in. That said - we are only hearing one side of the story. But, again, it really doesn't matter. You want to move on - move on.
Just my .02 on the resignation letter. You don't need to explain anything. Just say you are resigning and provide the effective date. Optionally - you can also just add a line thanking them for the opportunity. Keep it simple. I'd also just send it to your immediate supervisor. There is no need to copy peers/colleagues, etc.
Life is too short to deal with coarseness, rudeness and indignities from others. Resign and just say "I am pursuing (or offered, how are they to know?) other volunteer opportunities."
From what was written, they don't care and are acquiescing in the behavior; giving more information would be gossip fodder. A short note leaves the door open for someone to reach out, or not, and leaves the door open for participation in the national committee.
Don't put anything more in writing about this at all, it can get passed around, altered, debated, ridiculed &c. From the behavior of others as described, that is what will happen.
It's hard to tell how much of this is your interpretation of things vs reality. For example, it seems odd that they would turn away from you when you sit down but then come by your room and check on you, or ask about you and immediately diss you. Something is being misinterpreted, by you or the colleague or, likely, both. And as secretary, it seems reasonable that you would contact national if you knew the meeting was coming up and you didn't have the meeting details (i.e., link), as I imagine communications are in your wheelhouse. As a random person on the internet reading one interpretation of events, I'd place money on this all being some miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than intentional actions or ill will.
FWIW, in your position, I would finish out your obligation (I imagine your secretary position is for a set amount of time?) and then consider if you want to continue. It's a shame to let someone chase you out of something you enjoy, but I agree with others that life is too short to deal with foolishness.
I suspect we're not hearing the full story here, I just cannot imagine people would be so crass/rude "just because." Regardless, life is short, do not spend time around such people, resign and find a new job.
I assume it is an unpaid or minimally paid side gig, correct? If so, and it is causing you anxiety, step down.
I thought my boss recently disrespected me in a small group meeting. I spoke to him about it and he said that he had no intention of being disrespectful. He apologized and said that he could have handled things better. Are you willing to have a conversation about this?
A lot of people are not comfortable around people with disabilities.
As far as the soup thing goes, if I had a colleague who had a medical condition and I observed them spill their soup, I would ask them if they were okay. Your colleague responded to an observed action. Your "why do you ask" dismissal invalidated their observation and concern. I would have an "eff you" attitude as well and walk away. A more appropriate response would be, "a bad tme for my tremors to act up. Thank you for checking on me, but I am fine."
Looking at OP's other posts I would really like know what national and state committees in psychology hold Zoom meetings and members do not add the links to their calendars or know they need them.
Grammar and syntax?
I have reflected on the culture that has been cultivated within the committee, and I don’t feel that it is consistent with the values that originally drew me to volunteer with the XYZ, and indeed, to become a psychologist. In that sense, I feel that I would be disingenuous to continue my involvement in the committee.
I think this sounds fine. While technically they don't need a reason for your leaving, I think the committee should know that the reason you are leaving is because of how you felt you were treated.
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