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Kazunion, have you ever been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD? Maybe Asperger's? Sometimes, some people on the autism spectrum will develop tics. They can come, and they can go. Medication can help.
Whatever it is, I have it, too. Not the "self-talk"; I don't talk to myself, even inside my head, but I find it almost impossible to get over dumb mistakes I've made in the past, and it makes it very difficult for me to make decisions since I fear they'll also be mistakes.
Sometimes it seems my life is just one long string of regrets...
Following for advice!
Sort of a generalization but it is often people with high IQ and strongly left-brained that have these problems. We have evolved to be the ultimate problem solvers. And when we make a mistake our brain is wired to constantly seek the optimal solution so we don't repeat that mistake in the future. The curse of homo sapiens.
Also very conscientious people; we are highly moral, ethical, judgmental, and perfectionistic and just can't get over the fact that we royally f***ed up, LOL.
And no, not everyone is like this! Many people are the "never look back" type.
I was this way once before: stuck on my mistakes. But then my life improved dramatically, I was perfectly happy, and suddenly the past no longer mattered. However, at the moment, I'm living with the consequences of my most recent mistakes.
I honestly don't know if such a turnaround will ever happen or I'll ever get to that point again, that's up to "fate," but I sincerely believe that's what it takes to overcome regret.
I probably have some form of what the OP has, though I don't know how it compares in severity. For me it comes and goes. Sometimes I'll spend weeks or months in this state then I'll stop and then it comes back. Probably some form of OCD. Actually I think a lot of people think about the past too much though I have no way of quantifying it. It just varies by degree from person to person.
Whatever it is, I have it, too. Not the "self-talk"; I don't talk to myself, even inside my head, but I find it almost impossible to get over dumb mistakes I've made in the past, and it makes it very difficult for me to make decisions since I fear they'll also be mistakes.
Sometimes it seems my life is just one long string of regrets...
Following for advice!
I think that's called being human.
There's things I did 5-10 years ago that I'm still ashamed about, that I re-live almost every night before going to sleep. Things that would've had me in a far better position today.
It's not about "letting it go" because I can't choose what to forget. It's more about coping with it and not letting it define you.
Then there are a lot of "non-humans" walking around whose philosophy is that you can't change the past, so there's no point thinking about it, and so they never do...
In 2010, there was an 8-part series on VH1 called "The OCD Project". Dr. David Tolin brought together 6 patients to live together for a 21-day treatment program. (you can find the episodes on youtube) For each person, the OCD manifested in a different way. One woman did the hand washing. Another had a fear of driving because she was afraid that she would hit someone. She would circle around the block to drive the same street to be sure that she had not hit anyone. The other patients had other fears. That's when I realized that the weird things I did (or the weird thoughts that came to me) for my entire life were actually OCD.
I remember when a person was in the grip of fear, Dr. Tolin would say to them - It's an irrational fear. It's just a signal in your brain.
I started saying that to myself and it was helpful. It was like being able to look at the fear and just observe it instead of letting it take over.
In 2010, there was an 8-part series on VH1 called "The OCD Project". Dr. David Tolin brought together 6 patients to live together for a 21-day treatment program. (you can find the episodes on youtube) For each person, the OCD manifested in a different way. One woman did the hand washing. Another had a fear of driving because she was afraid that she would hit someone. She would circle around the block to drive the same street to be sure that she had not hit anyone. The other patients had other fears. That's when I realized that the weird things I did (or the weird thoughts that came to me) for my entire life were actually OCD.
I remember when a person was in the grip of fear, Dr. Tolin would say to them - It's an irrational fear. It's just a signal in your brain.
I started saying that to myself and it was helpful. It was like being able to look at the fear and just observe it instead of letting it take over.
This one is amazingly common. I used to hit a bump or something and suddenly I was sure I had just run over a person. I would turn around and go back to see if anyone was lying in the road. Then I though maybe they crawled off to the side, and I'd drive by and look again. Then the next day check the paper to see if there were any stories of a hit and run. I would look out the window all day waiting for the police to come.
I really hope, in our modern age of pathologizing every human emotion, regret and even guilt haven't been reduced to "OCD," the remedy being to pop some pill to relieve us of it.
This one is amazingly common. I used to hit a bump or something and suddenly I was sure I had just run over a person. I would turn around and go back to see if anyone was lying in the road. Then I though maybe they crawled off to the side, and I'd drive by and look again. Then the next day check the paper to see if there were any stories of a hit and run. I would look out the window all day waiting for the police to come.
I've done that one several times, too. Before I saw the series on TV, I thought I invented it.
(Because, as you said, the fictional TV shows and movies always portray it as just being afraid of germs)
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