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My gf would be more than happy with a ring for around $2k. She's super low maintenance.
I'm the one that wants to put a rock on that finger lol. I spent $7k on truck accessories this month. I think a ring is probably more justifiable than stuff for my truck.
My mother told me if I wanted to get married, I needed to get a ring at least $10k (more like $20k for closer to reality) to make my potential wife happy. I have no problem with that kind of price tag because everything has a price on it, including your wife and the respect she will have for you. Most of our Vietnamese weddings are about $30-40k but I guess the latest price tag is probably more like $50k. I don't have a problem spending $10k for a women's ring but a diamond ring is such a waste of money because as soon as you walk out of the shop, that ring has lost 50% of the purchase price. I wish I could give my future wife $10k worth of gold instead of diamond ring. I don't know, back in Viet Nam the brides are more than happy to receive gold from their husband but in the U.S they just want the expense diamond ring.
My mother told me if I wanted to get married, I needed to get a ring at least $10k (more like $20k for closer to reality) to make my potential wife happy. I have no problem with that kind of price tag because everything has a price on it, including your wife and the respect she will have for you. Most of our Vietnamese weddings are about $30-40k but I guess the latest price tag is probably more like $50k. I don't have a problem spending $10k for a women's ring but a diamond ring is such a waste of money because as soon as you walk out of the shop, that ring has lost 50% of the purchase price. I wish I could give my future wife $10k worth of gold instead of diamond ring. I don't know, back in Viet Nam the brides are more than happy to receive gold from their husband but in the U.S they just want the expense diamond ring.
I saw a TV program about a wedding in Thailand. They took all their assets, converted them into cash and put it on display during the wedding. This might be similar to your story, but I am not sure what the purpose of this was.
I think there are 2 different topics here:
-The women who expects it, might be materialistic, and not very realistic in personal finance and long term planning.
-groom spends all his savings and even borrow for the ring. Not really the dollar amount, but the ratio comparing to all your assets. Also not very realistic in personal finance.
I don't like materialistic people in general, I always had friends who were like me. Ideally my future wife would be too. I got some doubts whether it is feasible, as my colleague suggested that I should also be the way his brother is. And since I am still new here (less than 2 years in the US), not sure whether the non-materialistic subculture also exists here like it did back in Europe where I grew up. Of course I knew few people back home who were showing off all the time (cash, car, house, expensive fashion items...), but there were plenty of people who resented this.
Is there a rule that those who drive luxurious cars, are the same people who spend multiples of $10k on a ring? And those who drive an older used non-lux car buy cheaper? Or am I supposed to spend as much on a wedding+ring as my down payment for my home and 8x as much as my car?
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Is there a rule that those who drive luxurious cars, are the same people who spend multiples of $10k on a ring? And those who drive an older used non-lux car buy cheaper? Or am I supposed to spend as much on a wedding+ring as my down payment for my home and 8x as much as my car?
Nope.
I buy expensive cars but I don't spend a cent on jewelry and I barely buy any clothes.
Now this is a fun story that I can relate to. I'm the kind of girl that loves big, shiny objects... can still remember that cubic zirconia mom shocked me with when I was five
I was certainly on the trajectory of wanting the biggest-ring-we-can't-possibly-afford until I was engaged to an intelligent engineer from a poor family. He gave me his mom's ring. It was tiny and made from white gold. It didn't matter because for the circles we associated with, it was still a decent set. The wedding we were planning however, was proving to be impossible... too many people, not enough money... and so much of our issues were manifesting themselves that it was little wonder it, and the relationship, failed. A few months before the big day I impulsively ran off to Vegas and eloped with one of my two roommates (my fiance lived an hour away), another engineer. Although I had the world's most exquisite dress already in my possession, I decided it wasn't very appropriate for the occasion or the venue. LOL We didn't have a ring. We didn't have guests. We weren't really "in love". We just had our mutual set of values and friendship. Turns out that was enough
Months after our weekend in Vegas we bought a wedding set to "prove" we were married, but I wasn't very happy with it. It was just a matching gold band set. I still really wanted a diamond, but by that point my husband had been admitted into a PhD program and I was pregnant: we needed to save. A couple years later (and another baby) we some how had enough to buy me a $700 solitaire. It was "passable" for our poorly state.
When my husband won a hefty grant during the last year of his dissertation I bought a used Tiffany band. It was the first time that I evoked a sense of envy from my sister But again, it wasn't the ring I always wanted.
Three more years pass, two states, three cities and 1 career change... my husband was finally making a decent salary... and I felt that I need something to show off our new upper-middle class status so I bought a shiny, platinum wedding set. The sad thing, though, is that I started to dislike from the moment I left the store. I kept looking at what the other ladies were wearing.... coveting what they had and could afford, instead of my set.
Then something happened. I became aware of the term "conspicuous consumption" presented by American sociologist Thorstein Veblen and how social hierarchy is demonstrated via consumption. Maybe it wasn't the overt goal, but my choice in "upgrading" my wedding set was to signify my new place in society and the reason why I look at other women's sets and the feelings I get from it, have more to do with evaluating my social capital than it does my appreciation for the object itself. In addition to this I was also aware of "blood diamonds" or the terrible conditions that most diamonds are mined, including the environmental effects. At around the same time I befriended a woman who was recovering from her second divorce. She had just sold back her $40k Tiffany solitaire because she needed to go back to school. She never got over it. Sometimes we would hang out after class and she frequently asked me to go with her to the most upscale jewelry establishments "just to look". The girl had been on top of the world but now she was just a broke, twice divorced, single-mom she had no business going into those stores. She used to say, "no, you don't understand I just want to appreciate them for their qualities, I wouldn't actually ever want to own them".... of course, she would say this within hours on confiding to me her great fear that her ex will buy his new girlfriend a bigger diamond than he had bought for her. Like seriously?
It was just too much for me.
So then I did something.
I sold my rings! They're GONE and they are not coming back. All I wear is a single 2 mm gold band because I want people to know I'm married, but I don't want them to guess my net worth. It's a fabulously liberating gesture. To hell with conspicuous consumption and blood diamonds. I believe in equality and fairness and being a steward of the planet.... those are my values and my new ring doesn't compensate them.
Can you find a "fine" woman without spending $30k? Really depends on how you qualify a woman. I challenge the notion that one can exhibit grace, dignity, class and sophistication without investing large sums of money on tangible objects. In fact, how silly is it to expect that these characteristics could be demonstrated in static physical states?
Do you want to know what makes a good investment: real estate.
I still enjoy sparkly, pretty things, but that can be accomplished with visiting the Field museum in Chicago or Smithsonian in DC. I think it's much fairer and sustainable to collaboratively enjoy these treasures then expect to grow my own personal collection
You know I get very tired of people bashing expensive rings or people who buy jewelry. It's very common to read posts that state a large ring is predictive of a failed or failing marriage.
Come on.
A failed marriage fails regardless of ring size. It's the people involved that constitute the marriage - NOT the ring. There is a 50% divorce rate and I doubt it is only between folks who have large engagement rings.
So please get off your high horse. A ring is a ring. Who cares what size it is or how much it cost.
I mean do you honestly think you are better off because you don't fancy high dollar stuff? When you leave this Earth, it doesn't matter if you were a simple person or a fancy one - what matters is that you did some good with your life.
Last edited by pinipig523; 11-28-2013 at 10:03 PM..
My wife and I spent 600 on her engagement ring. Our wedding rings were 400 bucks. The wedding was about 2k. We had only close family. Hers mostly since mine was protesting our wedding. 20 years later were still married. A marriage doesnt stay together because of the price of the ring and wedding. The money we would of spent on the wedding we used for downpayment of a house. We still live in that house. Your buddy is nuts for. Blowing 60k on a wedding. He should take 50k of that and put a cpdownpayment for a house for him and his wife. Hell. Buy the house have the wedding there. Start your life smart
My buddy and his wife go had a 35k wedding. 22 years ago that was some chunk. Three years later they were getting a divorce and blew through no joke 350k of her inheritance.
You know I get very tired of people bashing expensive rings or people...
I mean do you honestly think you are better off because you don't fancy high dollar stuff? When you leave this Earth, it doesn't matter if you were a simple person or a fancy one - what matters is that you did some good with your life.
With or without the ring I spend the exact same dollar amount throughout my lifetime. The difference is the total value I get for all that money combined. I could also blew it all on drugs.
I was trying to clarify that what I meant was not the exact dollar amount for the discussion, but the relative amount to all your assets. Also making decisions like this, and making our "loved one" to make decisions like this through emotional black mail (for example: I love you, but only if you buy me a $xxx ring. Yes, I merry you, but buy the minimum $xxx ring first. As well as... shopping list of things only I benefit from, and if we think about it even I benefit from it less than otherwise...).
Wow! 30K on a ring sounds crazy to me. I guess it would make sense if I were making like 250k/year. I bought a $1500 engagement ring that is upgradeable, we can increase the size of the diamond as we progress in life and bring in more income. She loves the ring because it has three stones and I didn't go further into debt to get it. If your fiance gives you a price that you should spend on a ring......RUN!!!!
I am also an engineer, I guess some people will debate whether software engineering is really engineering, regardless I am paid well, and I couldn't imagine spending that kind of money on a ring. I suppose if someone demanded that kind of large gift from me I imagine we probably don't see eye to eye with regards to money anyway. I imagine I won't spend more than $2000 on both wedding rings combined.
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