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Two of my dad's brother-in-laws (my mom's brothers) who screwed him over ... they no longer talk.
Actually, I don't care if they come to the viewing (I won't interact with them, but it's hypocritical), but how do you tell them not to come to the reception afterwards?
After my brother's funeral, the one actually came with his brood, took a table over and stuffed their faces. I couldn't believe it. Nobody interacted with them.
When the time comes for my dad, I don't want them there.
Well, if they were not speaking, I would probably try to indicate that the viewing and reception are private, for immediate family only and I don't think BILs qualify as immediate family.
Such a tender situation.
Is your Mom still with us? I guess she might have an opinion. And if not? then it makes a private service easier.
best to you and I'm sorry for your loss.
Simply don't publicize details about the reception. Invite others directly and emphasize that the invitation is not public. That will likely reduce the chances that they will hear about it.
If they do find out about it or ask directly, you can then truthfully state that you have not organized a public reception. If they challenge you, you can explain further that you are having a small gathering by invitation only. Then if they do show up, simply meet them at the front door and tell them that the gathering is private and they were not issued an invitation.
There are possibly other ways of course--for example you could delay the reception by hours or even a day, which might make it more difficult for them if they are coming from out of town. You could also issue printed invitations and ask someone to act as sort of a 'bouncer' at the door, so that you don't have to confront them directly.
And you are planning for the X number who are invited and haven't planned for extra.
Reception after a funeral by invitation only????? Good grief! If they want to come let them. This is for the rememberance of your dad, not who is there. We had someone come to my mother's funeral that my dad didn't want there. But he took the advice my mother always gave us. Take the upper road, don't stoop to their level. Just smile and, if you happen to run into them, just smile, say hello, and keep walking.
Funerals honor the dead - but are held for the living. My mom, sister and I don't want to see these people.
Well, if they were not speaking, I would probably try to indicate that the viewing and reception are private, for immediate family only and I don't think BILs qualify as immediate family.
Such a tender situation.
Is your Mom still with us? I guess she might have an opinion. And if not? then it makes a private service easier.
best to you and I'm sorry for your loss.
Yes, my mom is still alive. My dad didn't die - but he's really old.
Simply don't publicize details about the reception. Invite others directly and emphasize that the invitation is not public.
...
If they do find out about it or ask directly, you can then truthfully state that you have not organized a public reception. If they challenge you, you can explain further that you are having a small gathering by invitation only. Then if they do show up, simply meet them at the front door and tell them that the gathering is private and they were not issued an invitation.
Simply don't publicize details about the reception. Invite others directly and emphasize that the invitation is not public. That will likely reduce the chances that they will hear about it.
If they do find out about it or ask directly, you can then truthfully state that you have not organized a public reception. If they challenge you, you can explain further that you are having a small gathering by invitation only. Then if they do show up, simply meet them at the front door and tell them that the gathering is private and they were not issued an invitation.
There are possibly other ways of course--for example you could delay the reception by hours or even a day, which might make it more difficult for them if they are coming from out of town. You could also issue printed invitations and ask someone to act as sort of a 'bouncer' at the door, so that you don't have to confront them directly.
This is exactly the way to handle it.
I've been to several funerals where after the majority of mourners have the departed, the remaining ones either go to someone's home or go down to the church kitchen to share a meal and memories.
Generally, only those invited know when and where to go.
I can remember only one incident in which an aunt had to be told that she was not welcome as she upset the wife of the deceased. She shrugged and left. No big deal.
My dad told his second wife not to come but she did. It was to support her daughter or so she said. She also took back his last name after her third marriage failed. He was her first.
I'm sure he'd be happy to know you are planning his funeral.
It is a quite common thing to do. We did it both for my mother, when she was dying, and for my sister. The not yet dead person who knows he or she is dying is glad to have a say in the arrangements, has been my experience.
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