Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My husband just got laid off (a month after we moved go figure lol), and after being in NJ for almost 5 years (for him, his whole life), we realized this is a great time to move on. He wants to leave NJ and so do I. NJ is so, so expensive, the infrastructure is awful, and its just not the place we want live in. We both don’t like NYC so paying the premium to live close to Manhattan is just not worth it for us. There are a ton of reasons we like NJ, lots of great food, accessibility for day trips, EWR Airport, great towns, safety and job market. However, the cons and COL are starting to outweigh the pros.
So, we are now jotting down cities to move to. We came up with a few, but I want others’ opinion on where to live based off of my criteria. Also we are in our mid/late 20s and are both guys. My job field is wide open and super flexible. I’ve found multiple open jobs in my field thats hiring urgently, so I won’t have an issue.
What we are ideally looking for:
-Decent sized metropolitan area. Atleast over 500k.
-Sunny city, I don’t mind the heat. Just not somewhere so gloomy.
-Suburban like city environment. The ability to have a car and the option to walk to a restaurant
-Slower paced than NJ or Boston.
-Good parks and walking trails
-Good COL. I know its all changed since COVID… but not in a place where $2300 for a one bedroom is the norm. Please, no. Ideally I would like to spend under $2k for a two bed apartment… which seems in most cities except the Coastal elites and Denver.
-Dog Friendly. We have two medium sized dogs. (GSD, Cunucu)
-Mountains and/or beaches within a few hours of a drive. One, or both.
-Friendly people and NOT too hectic. No DC kind of traffic.
-Politically Moderate. No extremes in each direction. My husband leans conservative, I lean Democrat. Ee are open to all political mindsets but would prefer somewhere in the middle.
-Good Nightlife and young people. Not looking for booming nightclubs. But some breweries, and areas with outdoor seating would be ideal. Also maybe a baseball team, not MLB, but just a cool spot to watch a minor league like the Greensboro Grasshoppers.
-Has a bright future ahead
Some cities we were considering based off of a visit:
-Houston TX
-Orlando FL
-Charlotte NC
-Louisville/Lexington KY
-Huntsville AL
What other cities would fit the bill? I appreciate any and all advice.
Why are you looking south? You realize those southern cities are all in states that are more conservative and likely would not be as accepting of your same sex marriage as they are in New Jersey or the northeast.
Also don’t blindly buy all the hype that goes with these fast growing places. Their economies tend to be Boom and Bust so when the economy turns they tend to get hit harder than more stable economies like New Jersey. Plus too many people I know who make such drastic moves are rarely happy there having given up many of the things you both love about New Jersey. Finally too note that those cheaper locations are cheaper for a reason and it’s usually associated with lower pay and less opportunities. And lower taxes means lesser services or hidden taxes or fees.
That said why not consider going north or east to Connecticut. The state outside Fairfield County is pretty affordable. Think of it as “New Jersey Lite”. New Haven or Hartford would give your husband great employment opportunities and nearby suburbs would be great places to live without the hassles of denser parts of NJ. It’s pretty nice IMHO. Certainly as nicer or nicer than the cities you are considering.
Why are you looking south? You realize those southern cities are all in states that are more conservative and likely would not be as accepting of your same sex marriage as they are in New Jersey or the northeast.
Also don’t blindly buy all the hype that goes with these fast growing places. Their economies tend to be Boom and Bust so when the economy turns they tend to get hit harder than more stable economies like New Jersey. Plus too many people I know who make such drastic moves are rarely happy there having given up many of the things you both love about New Jersey. Finally too note that those cheaper locations are cheaper for a reason and it’s usually associated with lower pay and less opportunities. And lower taxes means lesser services or hidden taxes or fees.
That said why not consider going north or east to Connecticut. The state outside Fairfield County is pretty affordable. Think of it as “New Jersey Lite”. New Haven or Hartford would give your husband great employment opportunities and nearby suburbs would be great places to live without the hassles of denser parts of NJ. It’s pretty nice IMHO. Certainly as nicer or nicer than the cities you are considering.
Old article and the city is closer to 5% gay now. dozens of gay businesses and the rainbow flag is EVERYWHERE. Please do not stereotype areas. I cannot speak for the other cities but the OP would be welcome with open arms as the strong gay foothold in Louisville gets bigger...
Status:
"Worship the Earth, Worship Love, not Imaginary Gods"
(set 8 days ago)
Location: Houston, TX/Detroit, MI
8,388 posts, read 5,549,300 times
Reputation: 12360
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT
Why are you looking south? You realize those southern cities are all in states that are more conservative and likely would not be as accepting of your same sex marriage as they are in New Jersey or the northeast.
Also don’t blindly buy all the hype that goes with these fast growing places. Their economies tend to be Boom and Bust so when the economy turns they tend to get hit harder than more stable economies like New Jersey. Plus too many people I know who make such drastic moves are rarely happy there having given up many of the things you both love about New Jersey. Finally too note that those cheaper locations are cheaper for a reason and it’s usually associated with lower pay and less opportunities. And lower taxes means lesser services or hidden taxes or fees.
That said why not consider going north or east to Connecticut. The state outside Fairfield County is pretty affordable. Think of it as “New Jersey Lite”. New Haven or Hartford would give your husband great employment opportunities and nearby suburbs would be great places to live without the hassles of denser parts of NJ. It’s pretty nice IMHO. Certainly as nicer or nicer than the cities you are considering.
I cannot speak for the others. Being gay in Houston is about as much of a non-issue as it is in any major city in the Northeast. Houston was the first major city in the US to elect a gay mayor.
Youre statement about the economies is just not correct. Houston's economy is still largely based on the Energy industry so one could say its boom/bust. Orlando is largely tourist based so I can see that too, but as a region, its extremely economically stable. Places like Charlotte, Dallas, Louisville, Atlanta, Greenville, etc. are not boom/bust at all.
The fact that it seems they are looking for a warmer place to live would rule out CT.
OP, you haven't talked about jobs at all and that should be up there unless you both work remote. You can find warm weather, walking trails and young people amenities in most parts of the country. The more details you can include the better the recommendations.
Why are you looking south? You realize those southern cities are all in states that are more conservative and likely would not be as accepting of your same sex marriage as they are in New Jersey or the northeast.
Also don’t blindly buy all the hype that goes with these fast growing places. Their economies tend to be Boom and Bust so when the economy turns they tend to get hit harder than more stable economies like New Jersey. Plus too many people I know who make such drastic moves are rarely happy there having given up many of the things you both love about New Jersey. Finally too note that those cheaper locations are cheaper for a reason and it’s usually associated with lower pay and less opportunities. And lower taxes means lesser services or hidden taxes or fees.
I am no fan of FL or TX, and of course bigotry exists, but I feel that same sex couples/marriage is a non-issue for the majority of Americans, even in FL and TX. Plus, the OP will likely relocate to a major population center, not the sticks.
That being said, Charlotte or Raleigh fit the bill. Nice mid-size cities, decent amount of things to do, relatively close to mountains and beaches, nice weather, affordable, politically moderate, slower pace than the Northeast, and a quick flight back to NJ or Boston.
People need to travel more, meet real people in real life. Don’t just read news on the internet and form your opinions based on your favored news outlets told you what city/state is.
This is exactly why I don’t move or base my criteria on the “voting pattern” (blue, red or purple) or even statistics/data. Very “liberal” cities have a-holes and insular narrow-minded people too, you know. And I said this as a fairly left person who spent more than half of my entire life in both NYC and Los Angeles.
I’m not even that senior a poster here but I read (in passing) that OP was diagnosed with MS, he is recommended to live somewhere with warm weather.
Warm is relative. Many of you recommended cities like Atlanta, Charlotte and Raleigh, some people (such as me) would still consider the winter temperature in these cities low enough to have snow occasionally and can get as low as high 30s.
I just met a very elegant older lady in South Florida who taught Psychology in Princeton, who was from NJ/NYC. I met another very interesting visual artist, furniture designer who designed her entire backyard with red bamboo based on certain (name escaped me now.) art motif in Russia, marine biologist who is specialized in whales, and quite a few home owners (I’m house hunting) who are lawyers, pilots and in fintech.-not exactly your stereotype Florida people. And almost everyone is from NYC, NJ or somewhere else. Covid does change the landscape of many cities. My husband being a fairly high earner high education white collar tech industry executive WFH can move to anywhere he desires and we are fortunate to be able to move when we want, not because we have to.-I’m seeing the patterns more and more.
OP mentioned Orlando, I actually saw a few apartments (2 bedroom/one bath) $2k or less in the metro Fort Launderdale area. One of them is Oakland Park which is right by the wealthy gay enclave Wilton Manor. Despite what you read on news, people generally don’t care if you’re gay or straight in cities cosmopolitan and large enough to have all kinds of varieties of people in background. Especially anywhere transplants heavy. We just drive by Oakland Park yesterday, I saw all kinds of ethnic restaurants, all kinds of chain stores such as Target, people walking their dog and going on their business, very New York-centric shops (Times Square Pizza, Goldberg’s Delicatessen and Bagels…..) mixing with Florida weirdness (Holistic Vet with CBD oil for pets.) and a shop called “Fetish Factory”. The area is very urban, near the water (in fact you have to wait for a drop bridge sometimes for the board to pass.), minutes of drive away to Fort Lauderdale beach and Las Olas area, close to FLL airport, one Tri-Rail/Brightline away to Miami. (I came here to want to move to Miami but I find myself falling a little bit in love with some of things and people here I see in Broward. It still has that beach town feeling about it which I love.) I am a politically centrist-left person but I find myself rolling eyes here with people who share the same thought with the certain governor or a certain former President who has a house in Palm Beach county. Real life experiences count.-I just want to offer a bit counter opinion.
If OP can work out the job situation this is somewhere I recommended to OP since Orlando is on his list as well.
While my primary area of expertise lies around arguing with strangers on the internet about vaccine safety and climate science, I do also have some experience navigating life with an autoimmune condition albeit a much milder one than the MS condition that OP unfortunately has to deal with. And in my personal experience inflammation flare ups tend to be more acute during extreme temps on both ends of the spectrum. While coastal CA and PNW may be the only areas to avoid those extremes, the NC cities mentioned (Raleigh & Charlotte) could perhaps be a happy medium on the eastern side of the country where the worst of any hot/cold weather is limited to two months as opposed to 4-6 months further north/south. Just a thought and to be fair I have no idea if my suggestion is even accurate so I'll shut up at this point about a topic I really know nothing about.
OP and husband are young so I'd caution that being closely tethered to a location that provides a tailwind to their career progression is a much more important factor to them than for those mid/late career who might now have the flexibility to work fully remote from anywhere. If they're willing to pick up and move for job advancement every 2-3 years then this point really doesn't matter but I'm getting the sense OP is looking to set roots somewhere and establish themselves over time. We have also yet to see what changes in office / hybrid / fully remote landscape if we have softness in the economy or god forbid a full blown recession. I'd imagine local job applicants with the ability to work in office or hybrid would have a tremendous advantage over remote applicants. While OP says he has a job that is relatively location independent I'd make his husbands job options of paramount importance if its a career that doesn't easily translate to different locales since its difficult to be truly happy when struggling professionally and financially.
Last point I'm sure OP and fam don't plan to rent forever so another variable is choosing an MSA where they feel they'll be given a reasonable entry to make a first time purchase in the housing market at some point in the next 3-5 years. Not that things in housing couldn't change quickly, but at this juncture the housing prices and rapidly increasing insurance costs of South Florida are daunting and can make that aspiration feel too far out of reach for most younger buyers who don't have the luxury to trade one dwelling for another. While prices in NC have gone up significantly over the past 10 years they still seem somewhat reasonable to someone relocating from the NJ/NY area.
^^you're so right, rational and thinking about the big big picture. And you don’t even need to argue with strangers on the internet!
I know nothing about NC. I feel like states NC are like a Toyota car: safe, reliable and affordable but I have no idea what they do and have no desire to ever buy one.
Related: Orlando is still fairly affordable by the way.
100% agree on Orlando and I am a big proponent of that option for the OP decision. I'm pretty sure the OP lived in the greater Orlando area during his HS years so I don't have anything particularly insightful to add that isn't already likely on his radar.
While I'm no expert on NC I do believe RDU and Charlotte have graduated to the Lexus level over the past decade. And with the NC/SC beaches and charming mountain towns in WNC not too far away seems to be on point for the lifestyle the OP is looking for.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
