Buddhism and sexuality

[stephenMM]

Well, I'm a Zen practitioner, which really has no dogmas or anything to say on this subject other than the usual "Right sexual relations". This will obviously vary from individual to individual, and culture to culture. It's sorta like "I may not know much about art, but I know it when I see it". We may not know what "right sexual relations" are (or are not), but we for sure know it when it comes up. Different strokes for different folks, and as long as everyone involved is happy, its cool.

[Schuttzie]

Originally Posted by kevxu

My understanding is that the only explicit "injunction" against homosexual sex is in the Vinaya (the code of conduct for monks and nuns). Monks and nuns are expected to be celibate, and - I have been told - that homosexual sex is only part of the itemization of sexual misconduct. There are strong injunctions about parental and spousal conduct, but they come in the form of sermons/talks that are contained in the sutras.

But while Christianity may have had explicit rules against laypersons having homosexual sex, still and all whether it was a traditional non-industrial society in Catholic Ireland, Italy or Spain or a Buddhist one in Thailand, Sri Lanka, Vietnam some goals were the same. The need and expectations for a family to help with physical labor, make marital alliances reinforcing village/clan/tribal structures, provide support for the elderly and ill, etc. would all be goals that would be facilitated by marriage and children, and which homosexual relations could be easily seen as undermining....added to what the church/temple says. Thus, the culture would not be happy with homosexuality in a lay context either.

I am gay, non-Asian heritage American. Most of my experience in Buddhist group environments were ones in which almost all the other participants were of similar background. (This, by the way, was in the 80s when the U.S. was in the grip of really horrendous AIDS hysteria, homophobia, disinformation about both and even truly vile treatment of children infected AIDS.) I encountered a fairly small number of gay males in these Buddhist environments, but most participants were heterosexual. Some of the monks were Asian, some Euro-American. I was very involved in hands-on AIDS-related work with infected persons, and made no effort to camouflage that fact or my sexual orientation. The bottom line was that there was no bottom line, no one in all those years (including some Tibet Buddhists I knew) batted the proverbial eyelash. (I will add that this was in marked contrast to the very liberal work environment in which I was employed where in the same years I encountered routine homophobia from some people, but one occasion where my work with people who had AIDS caused an employee to complain that he did not want me to personally handle his paycheck.)

I am aware that in traditional ethnically-oriented centers there was strong antipathy to homosexuality, but it was based (I have been told) largely on cultural expectations. I can remember in the Seventies, I believe it was, when gay friend of mine became interested in a popular sect of Nichiren Shoshu that it was homophobic, and at that time emphasized that heterosexual marriage was the goal, homosexuality was a contamination. Some males friends of this person did comply and marry women despite being gay-oriented. So, I did have some anecdotal evidence that homophobia existed in American Buddhism to some (to me, unknown) degree. But when I became actively involved in a center in the second half of the Eighties after several years of solitary practice, I encountered nothing negative in that regard. Zip.

I have had two discussions over the years about this topic, both occurred in the U.S. in the 90's. One was with an Asian monk and the other with a married man who the leader of a Zen center. Both said essentially the same thing, which I will wrap up in a sentence or two: Many American Buddhist centers are not immersed in traditional Asian or American lifestyles or social environments, and these centers have less ritual and traditional activities that members get involved in. And, as a result, there was a stronger emphasis on understanding and practicing the Eightfold Path, and seeking to examine one's life and less on group activities. Plus the fact that participants usually did not come from small social communities where there would be more tendency to know about or talk about other people's behaviour.

I recognized in 1958 for certain that my sexual orientation was gay. One reason for locating to NYC was the expectation that I would be able to pass or hide better than elsewhere. But in fact, I came out at work in about 1966/67 because a fellow employee was going to "expose" me to the owner of the company as gay. And from that point on - the hell with this! - I refused to pretend or lie about myself. And through the supposedly debauched late Sixties, the Seventies I had negative experiences with landlords, employers, and some co-workers because I did not try to pass even though I did not rub it in anyone's face. The fact was that not concealing being gay was in itself considered rubbing it in people's faces by many individuals. Then the AIDS epidemic.

I have rattled on about this, because the total lack of negative reaction to my AIDS-related work, or the fact that I went out last Saturday with a he not a she, when I started attending a Buddhist center became almost stupefying...waiting for the shoe that never dropped. And it had the effect over time of making it easier for me walk through those unpleasant incidents that still occurred - though more rarely now - because of my sexual orientation.

Thank you for sharing this. My daughter is gay and came out to us about 5 years ago and is now married. We fully support her and our relationship is better than ever. She has gone through some phobia experiences too, but not near what you must have gone through. It is good to hear that the Buddhist communities you are involved in do not have issues, I love that!