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Ok, serious post here looking for a good discussion on this.
I'm a really blunt and candid guy.... I hate beating around the bush, I hate sarcasm (usually because I take words at face value), and I like just being direct and to the point. I used to always think this was a good quality of mine, but now I feel my candor has hurt me than helped me in my career. (I'm in my late twenties)
I do tend to be very frank and dry about things (it's just part of my ISTJ personality), and I often only lighten up around close friends, family, and acquaintance. Otherwise I'm very flat and I just like to be levelheaded and direct in my communication. Empathy is not something I'm good at, so playing to people's feelings and emotions is not my forte... I simply take the facts of a situation, throw them out on the table, and don't care much about how people react to them, because hey, the facts are the facts.
While I never thought it to be a weakness before, more and more I'm told my bluntness and candor is really something I need to fix. I've been told it sounds too cold, too direct, too militaristic, too rude, too condescending, etc. I've had people tell me I insulted them when really I did not mean in the slightest to offend them. I've had people tell me they thought I was overstepping my bounds by acting too managerial since I'm not in a managerial role. The thing is, I never try to be rude, insulting, or anything negative. Yet, my messages are more often than note interpreted in ways I do not intend them to be interpreted.
One part of me always used to think that people were just way too sensitive, but the more it happens that I get advised to tone back my bluntness, the more I realize that I'm the one that is the anomaly. See, I'm the type of guy that you can come up to, curse me off, tell me I'm a fat slob, whatever, and I literally do not care. I'll laugh it off. It's extremely hard to make me upset. I've learned most people though actually are pretty sensitive... Heck, I've known quite a few people who would break down into tears or start throwing fists if they were angrily cursed off and insulted. (DISCLAIMER, I never curse by the way, just giving a extreme example)
So here I am. I am actively working on becoming more graceful in my communication, but it is a challenge to me. A big one. What do people think about people who are extremely blunt and candid in the workplace? What are some good techniques and practices I should be working on in order to be a better communicator? Will my bluntness and candor ever serve as a strength in the business world?
EDIT: Some recent examples of times my bluntness got misinterpreted.
1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.
2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.
3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.
That's just a few examples of stuff I've ran into the past couple years that has warranted me seeking to improve my communication skills. I would love to hear people's thoughts on bluntness and candor in the workplace!
Ever hear of the word finesse? Look it up - it will take you farther in life than if you continue being blunt and candid, which is just a nice way of saying terse and rude.
Examples 1 and 2 probably sounded....terse and rude. Put some sugar into it. Slow down and read through it a second time. Tweak it. Soften it. Send it.
Example 3, may or may not have been on you. It sounds like someone asked for advice but then received something they didn't expect. Whenever you give feedback, whether you're a manager or not, start with a positive, give the negative, and end with another positive. "You're doing a good job but I would have done X like Y. It's a tough project, and you're doing well on it, I would just make that one change."
Being blunt is often associated with being a dick, and whatever comes out of your mouth is not helpful but, rather, is an insult of some kind. If someone wants blunt, they will ask for it. When I am blunt with an employee, I tell them it's coming so there is no misunderstanding the seriousness of a situation. No one wants rudeness in day to day interactions. I don't think your bluntness is misinterpreted; I don't think you understand what your bluntness conveys. If there is a communication breakdown, it is on your end.
Let's look at example #3. I would say something along the lines of, Okay. If I was doing this project, I think I would do "Y" and "Z" first before I worried about "X.". I think if you do that, you can also avoid worrying about "C." Do you think that would help you?
Bluntness has a time and place but, if it is your default method of delivery, yes, it is a bad thing. And yes, it costs people promotions.
Last edited by joe from dayton; 04-13-2015 at 08:50 PM..
OP, I suffer from the same problem (INTJ for the record).
Yes, people are offended by your approach, and yes, you need to alter this approach for maximum success. It is a fact that many people operate emotionally rather than rationally, and they will not accept what they view as cold, dictatorial edicts from you. Your approach will be to argue the rationality, facts, and effectiveness behind your actions/message. The response will be that you are heartless, uncaring, crude, harsh and don't care about people. Please note that none of these objections are based on facts, they are all based on feelings.
It will pay off if you consider how people will receive the tone of your message. Every single time you send a message, pause, read it again, and soften the message.
Yes, you will be annoyed at the extra time and effort this silly exercise is going to take. Nonetheless, try it for one month and look at the results. Your coworkers will be easier to work with and you will receive fewer tone complaints.
Ever hear of the word finesse? Look it up - it will take you farther in life than if you continue being blunt and candid, which is just a nice way of saying terse and rude.
Examples 1 and 2 probably sounded....terse and rude. Put some sugar into it. Slow down and read through it a second time. Tweak it. Soften it. Send it.
Example 3, may or may not have been on you. It sounds like someone asked for advice but then received something they didn't expect. Whenever you give feedback, whether you're a manager or not, start with a positive, give the negative, and end with another positive. "You're doing a good job but I would have done X like Y. It's a tough project, and you're doing well on it, I would just make that one change."
See the difference?
Gotta agree here.
And tact. Finesse, tact... there's a reason people should have these traits.
Edit: I'm an ISTP - known as the "mechanic"; mechanics, as you know, tend to be pretty straightforward, blunt and I've been told I'm very cold. However, I do not express this when it counts the most. Just gotta learn how to be tactful. Sure, if I could go through the world "doing my own thing, my own way" I would, but that's not what you learn growing up. Gotta play nice with others.
EDIT: Some recent examples of times my bluntness got misinterpreted.
1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.
2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.
3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.
That's just a few examples of stuff I've ran into the past couple years that has warranted me seeking to improve my communication skills. I would love to hear people's thoughts on bluntness and candor in the workplace!
Tone of voice, facial expressions, and other non-verbal cues count as well. It would help greatly if you smiled as you say things.
1. "Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder, I'm working on that right now."
or "Great minds think alike, I'm doing it as we speak"
2. "I know this is going to be a little more work for all of us but I think we would benefit in the long run.
Here are the new policy changes ..."
3. "No, no, I think you're doing ok. If it were me, the only things I'd change are ..."
Thank you all for the suggestions. This is something I'm actively working on so hopefully in the future I won't have issues with my bluntness. It's definitely been a challenge to soften things up and show some emotion, but I'm getting there.
OP, I suffer from the same problem (INTJ for the record).
Yes, people are offended by your approach, and yes, you need to alter this approach for maximum success. It is a fact that many people operate emotionally rather than rationally, and they will not accept what they view as cold, dictatorial edicts from you. Your approach will be to argue the rationality, facts, and effectiveness behind your actions/message. The response will be that you are heartless, uncaring, crude, harsh and don't care about people. Please note that none of these objections are based on facts, they are all based on feelings.
It will pay off if you consider how people will receive the tone of your message. Every single time you send a message, pause, read it again, and soften the message.
Yes, you will be annoyed at the extra time and effort this silly exercise is going to take. Nonetheless, try it for one month and look at the results. Your coworkers will be easier to work with and you will receive fewer tone complaints.
As a fellow INTJ, I totally agree with this.
This took a lot of work and is still an internal struggle for me. However, I can say, that my career has really been helped by learning to tailor my approach rather than sticking to my own style.
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