Please God Help with My Son with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (autistic, Asperger)
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Im sorry if the title sounds a bit emotional, but I hit the end of the straw tonight.
I have a 4 yr. old with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. He absolutely can not distinguish actions and consequences, therefore making discipline a very very very hard thing to do.
I would LOVE some insight from your avg. joe on how anyone has dealt with this. We are seeking out a behavioral therapist now plus he gets quite a bit of help from the school he will be attending (1 more full yr. of preschool before we have to worry about kindergarten).
He is not severely autistic. but Communication is very very difficult for him as is socialization. Where we are running into serious difficulty is the communication part. He just doesn't seem to be able to distinguish right from wrong and no matter how we try to communicate to him about this, it seems to fly right over his head.
I am oversimplifying on the "fly right over his head" but I am so frustrated at this point Im not quite sure how to explain it.
Edit: Example of the "fly right over his head". I bought him a Spider-Man Helicopter as a gift. We have had 2 bad days in a row at school, plus horrible times trying to get to sleep. When I explain why he does not get the Helicopter, all he can say is "I want the Helicopter". There is absolutely no realization that he doesn't get it because of how he acted at school and the fact that we are struggling with sleep.
Our grandson is autistic. He started going to therapies at 2 1/2. He's 6 now and is doing much better although he is basically non verbal. He can say some words but they don't come easy. Try to find a therapist, see if someone in the area can recommend a good one. I think our grandson had 3 or 4 in the beginning, now that he is in kindergarten his speech therapy is taken care of during school. He has a paraprofessional with him at all times, from the bus in the morning throughout the day and on the bus ride back to his home. He needs constant supervision.
You son is still pretty young. You are right, there is no caise and affect with these children. I have 3 son's with Asperger's and it has been the challenge of my life. I can tell you it will get easier as he gets older. Get him as much help as you can with social skills and life skills. People do not understand these children because they simply do not function like children/people we are used to. You can tell him a hundred times to not run in a parking lot and he will still run in a parking lot, not because he is going against what you said, but because he is living in the moment and not thinking of what could happen and what he was told before. These children are not mentally retarded, in fact many are very smart. There are just some things lacking in their abilities. As far as punishment I can tell you what we did. We had to change it up all the time. For awhile time-outs would work, then not and we'd move on to something like no dessert, or no tv etc. At the age your son is we would have to change the punishment about every few weeks. You need to be your son's advocate because all he has is you to make sure he gets the most help he can get. When he starts school make sure he gets an IEP. If you have not already started this now he may be in need of speech therapy, physical therapy or occupational therapy. Call Special Services with your area school district and have him evaluated. If he needs any help or services now get him started before kindergarden and give him that head start. I assume you have a developmental pre-school as well through your school district, you might want to consider that. As they say, one day at a time.
I am sorry your going through this. It can be very hard. When my daughter was having a hard time talking, we used picture schedules. It was pictures of daily activities. We used this to help her understand what she needed.
I have seen a WONDERFUL communication program called PECCS. My nephew uses PECCS and baby sign language. I wish I had known about these resources when my daughter was struggling to talk. See if your school district will use PECCS. My sister has that therapy written into her sons IEP. Our little area couldnt afford to buy all the stuff. So the autism coordinator had a PECCS party. All the parents that needed the program came and cut out photos (photos of everything you use in your daily life, inside the car, outside the house, at the store, etc), then laminated the photos. Then they stuck velcro to the backs of the photos.
Get a behavioral therapist. I swear to god, you will be amazed by the results. My parents are both therapists that work with mostly autistic children, and while I was growing up I spent a lot of time at their practice. My first job was there. The difference between the kids first coming in and the kids that had been there a long time was night and day.
If you get a good therapist, he/she (hopefully a he if your kid is a boy- just ends up working better that way) will be able to teach you ways of helping your child cope in addition to spending time with your kid, working with him.
Lastly, have patience. Shakiness with the concept of right and wrong is a classic autism symptom, but it's also really quite common in all toddlers. Hence, your son is getting a double whammy.
Depending on where you live, there may be a support group for parents with autistic children where you can meet others going through the same thing as you.
All the best-
I have had an autistic sister for the past 16 years. i am 21. my sister is very low functioning, and in many ways has gotten better as she has gotten older but still she has no communication other than some basic hand signs. her behavior is terrible. and as far as i can remeber it has been normal occurance to restrain her during her "tantrums" to protect herself from biting her self and inflicting other injuries and protect us from her aswell. i love my sister but she has caused highlevels of stress and anxiety. im not trying to paint a grim picture for you but merley comiserate. its been hardest on my mother and i have noticed that sometimes having someone i.e. other mothers who deal with this, has made her feel better by simply comiserating. so i hope knowing that your not the only one earth, makes you feel better. it gets disheartning to hear about the high functioning kids in the news all the time.
I've been there too! I can say my son is 10 now and it's actually a lot better!
Things very important:
OT (it took me a while to figure out his severe sensory issues - they affect him constantly!)
PT
Behavior therapy
Standing up for what you feel is best at school! always write stuff down and know your rights. (I've learned this the hard way...you have to ask or demand nicely )
Im sorry if the title sounds a bit emotional, but I hit the end of the straw tonight.
I have a 4 yr. old with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. He absolutely can not distinguish actions and consequences, therefore making discipline a very very very hard thing to do.
Is it an action/consequences problem or a language processing issue?
Another poster suggested picture cards to assist with communication, and I completely agree. We used a "wait" card and a "quiet" card with my son, and happy/sad/etc emotion cards helped him learn about how actions make others feel. We also have his daily schedule posted in his room (as you probably know, autistic kids NEED structured schedules), and calenders in every room in the house to help him grasp the concept of time. As for the "cause and effect" well, that will come with his ability to process language. If you are not opposed to biomedical interventions, I highly recommend going on the gluten free/casein free diet if you haven't tried that. It has made a HUGE difference in my son. (We also restrict soy because it is a similarly large protein). I'm talking going from being still in diapers (at 4 years old), not communicating or interacting, running around like the tazmanian devil, and NEVER sleeping to potty trained, talking in complete sentences, engaging in and initiating conversations, sleeping normal hours, and able to have a reasonable discussion. This is not to say that he is "cured", because he still displays many autistic behaviors, but it has been a vast improvement. If you are interested in biomedical treatment try to find a DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor in your area. Hope this helps.
I agree with the picture schedules and sign language. They need that structure, and having him see what is coming next may lessen the undesired behavior both at transition time and other times.
Behavioral Specialist is a must have when you get to this point. We've had one for our son for about 3 months now and it's really helped tremendously.
Good luck, namaste.
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