Talking ethnicity in the Bay area (San Francisco, Vallejo: 2015, how much, neighborhoods)

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by citylove101

A few times in (ethnically) mixed company in the Bay Area I've had casual conversations with people and at some point asked them--politely I might add, and connected to something definitely non-offensive n the conversation--about their ethnicity. Good God! You'd think I asked for their social security number, salary, car keys, and how many times a week they make love. All sorts of responses like "why is that important", "why do you want to know", " why does it make a difference", even "it's none of your business."


Just such a big change from home, where most people talk about their ethnicity fairly easily, and it's no big thing to ask about (again, during a casual conversation about some non-controversial topic, a breaking the ice type of thing). Out in the Bay, however, it seems people are much much more reticent to say they're Chinese, or Mexican, or Jewish, of half this and half that. Are people there just sensitive to race and ethnicity in a way that they're not here in New York? Or am I just meeting especially sensitive people?


Inquiring minds want to know!

Many of us are complete mutts. I don't get offended. Usually after a short "it's complicated" statement I will give the top 5 or 6 elements.

[chup76]

I mean it could be everyone else but it could also be you Since they work with you, folks may be on guard about what they discuss with you. This could be either your reputation or the way the question is asked. With that being said, race is always a sensitive topic in any "casual" conversations at work.

Folks normally try to avoid race, religion, and politics discussions at work unless you are friends with them.

[chup76]

Also if folks are responding back with:

"why is that important", "why do you want to know", " why does it make a difference",

Then it's your questions. Like if you asked "What do <insert race> think about the SF Giants? " Which is a non controversial topic (ie sf giants) but if you bring race into it, then "why is that important", "why do you want to know", " why does it make a difference"..

Also this is a workplace, things are casual until they are not.

[ketch89]

Egotistical bay area intellectuals (like myself) are often put off if race/ethnicity is one of the first things you want to know about them. For me, it's because I believe my ethnic background has nothing to do with my personality. If you're trying to get to know me, know that my ancestors being from Country A and Country B has nothing to do with who I am as a human being. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I'm a Californian - that's my ethnicity.

[Ruth4Truth]

OP, there could be different things going on. People who were born here, and who may have several generations before them who were born here--in California and NM this can go back 100's of years--don't appreciate people assuming they're foreigners. Hispanics whose families were here before any Anglos set foot in N. America at all, or before any made it to California, or whose families used to OWN a good chunk of California but had it taken away, don't like to be addressed in broken Spanish, as if they're illegal aliens. I'm sure you can understand that.

Some Asian-Americans whose families have been in NorCal since before WWII don't appreciate being asked "where are you from", then if they respond, "From here", getting "No, where are you really from?" How many Euro-Americans speaking standard American English get the "No, where are you really from" question, as if they're foreigners?

So, there's that. And others may not be used to the question used as an ice-breaker, right off the bat, before they have a chance to get comfortable with you. But I haven't run into the issue, so YMMV.

[sciroccot]

Originally Posted by citylove101

A few times in (ethnically) mixed company in the Bay Area I've had casual conversations with people and at some point asked them--politely I might add, and connected to something definitely non-offensive n the conversation--about their ethnicity. Good God! You'd think I asked for their social security number, salary, car keys, and how many times a week they make love. All sorts of responses like "why is that important", "why do you want to know", " why does it make a difference", even "it's none of your business."


Just such a big change from home, where most people talk about their ethnicity fairly easily, and it's no big thing to ask about (again, during a casual conversation about some non-controversial topic, a breaking the ice type of thing). Out in the Bay, however, it seems people are much much more reticent to say they're Chinese, or Mexican, or Jewish, of half this and half that. Are people there just sensitive to race and ethnicity in a way that they're not here in New York? Or am I just meeting especially sensitive people?


Inquiring minds want to know!

SF is so sensitive anyways. In fact I have heard a Korean American girl at work reply to a casual inquiry about her ethnic background with an accusation of subtle racism. Talk about a lead balloon at the group outing.

Also, SF people are by nature shyer than most. A natural choice for many reserved thoughtful types. Consider as well the rather large Asian communities in this city. To ask an Asian person where they are from or their family is from might even get the response of "I am from here" and no more about it. All this adds to the unneeded taboo of talking about ethnic background as casual chat.

Ever wonder why there are so many single people in SF?. So much is taken far too seriously. Anywhere else it might be seen as far too sensitive. In SF it is the order of the day.

[silverkris]

Originally Posted by sciroccot

SF is so sensitive anyways. In fact I have heard a Korean American girl at work reply to a casual inquiry about her ethnic background with an accusation of subtle racism. Talk about a lead balloon at the group outing.

Also, SF people are by nature shyer than most. A natural choice for many reserved thoughtful types. Consider as well the rather large Asian communities in this city. To ask an Asian person where they are from or their family is from might even get the response of "I am from here" and no more about it. All this adds to the unneeded taboo of talking about ethnic background as casual chat.

Ever wonder why there are so many single people in SF?. So much is taken far too seriously. Anywhere else it might be seen as far too sensitive. In SF it is the order of the day.

Try walking in my shoes, please. I have no problem telling folks of my cultural background, but I bristle at the suggestion that I'm not a native of this area or am a foreigner.

[HockeyMac18]

Originally Posted by citylove101

A few times in (ethnically) mixed company in the Bay Area I've had casual conversations with people and at some point asked them--politely I might add, and connected to something definitely non-offensive n the conversation--about their ethnicity. Good God! You'd think I asked for their social security number, salary, car keys, and how many times a week they make love. All sorts of responses like "why is that important", "why do you want to know", " why does it make a difference", even "it's none of your business."


Just such a big change from home, where most people talk about their ethnicity fairly easily, and it's no big thing to ask about (again, during a casual conversation about some non-controversial topic, a breaking the ice type of thing). Out in the Bay, however, it seems people are much much more reticent to say they're Chinese, or Mexican, or Jewish, of half this and half that. Are people there just sensitive to race and ethnicity in a way that they're not here in New York? Or am I just meeting especially sensitive people?


Inquiring minds want to know!

It could be a lot of things...could be those specific people, could be the conversation, could be the way you asked...it's hard to know. Sensitive people exist everywhere, including here.

I will say that sometimes it does matter how you're coming across, especially in this political climate where people are definitely a bit more sensitive to racial issues (especially if you are Mexican or from the Middle East - or if you're not, but "look like you might").

There's also the component of how it is asked. What I mean by this is: if you say "where are you from?" people can get quite offended by that. And I understand why - this region has been ethnically diverse for a while now, generations - and many people you meet that "look like they're from somewhere else" are actually from here. And have multiple generations of ancestors in the region. My wife's family, if you go back far enough, are from Mexico and the American Southwest. But if you asked them where they are from, they'd say SF (4th generation SF + Bay Area). You would have to keep asking questions before they realize what you're "really" asking is their ethnic background. Then they might talk about their native American and Mexican heritage...

Also, they might not think it's much of your business. And might wonder why you want to know...I never asked it directly - I gained this knowledge after many months, even years.

Many locals are very proud to be FROM the Bay Area. And they identify as being from here. To suggest that they don't belong can be a bit offensive to some people. I know it might seem overly-sensitive, but I suspect this kind of response comes from many years of being asked these questions (likely from white people from the Midwest who are enchanted by the diversity here (like me...lol)).


You might think you're asking it in a culturally-sensitive and non-offensive way - and you might be. Just something to keep in mind.

[jade408]

Originally Posted by silverkris

Exactly how I feel. I'm pretty sick and tired of explaining how I am a native born American while some ignorant people will ask, "No, where are you REALLY from?". Really, folks, Asian Americans have been in this country for generations, and are very well established in an area like San Francisco.

I love this video so much.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

[sciroccot]

Originally Posted by silverkris

Try walking in my shoes, please. I have no problem telling folks of my cultural background, but I bristle at the suggestion that I'm not a native of this area or am a foreigner.

Well, then again there is a major difference between it must be said harmless casual chat about one's ethnic background and subtle suggestions you are not native nor do you belong here. Only for the latter should offense be taken. We have ever right in the World to feel that way.

Now, what I find interesting of late in SF is how virtually nobody talks about such things as ethnic background anymore. Before, some groups were fair game for a bit of ribbing or not so subtle racial jabs were sort of accepted if you were say of Italian, Irish or German ancestry. Among members of these groups there was an acceptance of this fact and just go along with it and not get too upset about it. The worm has turned in that respect as many lets just say White people are identifying a blatant double standard and are calling it so.