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I am 65, Dad died of a heart attack at 78, Mom died in her sleep at 91. At my age, my mother had 5 grandchildren and was my "daycare" for my two-year-old daughter.
Mom only worked briefly outside the home in her 50s when she took a job at a travel agency out of boredom. I worked and supported my kid. Our lives were very different. My mom had 7 kids, 5 grands, and 7 great-grands when she died. I had one kid, will have no grandchildren. She was everyone's caregiver. Her sister, my father, her mother, my brother. After one horrific stint of doing that for my bf, from which I don't think I have yet recovered, I have no idea how she took care of sick and disabled people over and over again.
My mother lived with a genetic kidney disease that some of my siblings have but that skipped me. She was on dialysis the last 4.5 years of her life, most of the time driving herself to the dialysis center 3 days a week. I doubt I will attain her age. I used to smoke and I partied quite a bit in my 20s, and I'm sure that will all catch up to me.
Mom at my current age of 58 - empty nester, had already been a grandmother for 10 years, husband in a nursing home, working FT. Healthy.
Dad at my current age - 2 in college, 2 left the nest, grandfather, working FT, in the very early stages of dementia. Aside from that he was very healthy.
My life, by comparison, is much, much easier than it was for them
My parents friends didn't start dying off until their late 70s+. Most lived to their 80s-90s. My friends started dying off in their early 50s. I was taken by surprise by that. We lost two in their mid 60s last year.
They didn't worry about money even though they were not well off, and lived in a close community. I do worry about finances and live among strangers.
They saved every receipt and bill, when I went through their things after they passed I was shocked how often they went to the doctor although they were never really sick. It's like it was a pastime.
Both of my parents died at the age of 69 - the same age I am now so there's not much to compare
I feel you. I'm 65, my mom died at 65. Never really had that much contact with my bio-dad.
Mom died from multiple organ failure after enduring 13 hospitalizations in 3 years for everything from a 6-way cardiac bypass to kidney failure, to a leg amputation. I visited her in the hospital and NH almost every day that she was in there. She had a very hard life, never made much money as a server with 5 kids to feed. It was especially rough in her senior years when she became disabled. When you survived mainly on tips, you don't get a lot of SSDI, and even with SSI she lived on less than $1000/month. I spent almost no time with my "dad" in my life. He did develop Alzheimer's in his early 70s, so he probably had the early stages at my age. His life with my stepmom was quiet and modest and involved living near his 2 brothers and his son, who were his main friends at that point.
My life is pretty much the opposite. I have an easy life now. I've been retired for years, and we don't struggle financially as they both did. I travel and have lots of outdoor hobbies and a small group of friends nearby, and tons of acquaintances and good neighbors. Although I live across the country from my family, we are a large and boisterous family and get together as often as we can, usually resulting in loud, happy gatherings of 15-30 people. Very different life indeed.
I'm 46 now. I have a 9 year old daughter with my second wife and so I'm very wrapped up in the day to day or raising a child and having a family and career. Trying to save money so we can hopefully retire early (early 50s) and get out of the rat race. I own my own home (I've owned several) and make pretty good money, so have a pretty decent standard of living while not living beyond my means. I am very much into fitness, especially hiking and strength training.
My mother is the only one of my parents I can compare to (haven't seen my father since I was about 3 years old), but at my current age she already had a 29 year old son (me) and a 28 year old daughter. We had long since left home. My mother had me when she was 17 years old and my father left when she was 20, so she raised us mostly as a single parent aside from a few live-in boyfriends here and there. At 46 she was living alone with her dog and a cat. She hasn't worked really since she was 35 so she had been on SS disability for a while already at that time. She already had been dealing with a lot of her health problems by then: narcolepsy, RA, fibromylagia, etc. She has never really taken good care of herself (eating well or exercising) so that's a big part of it. She still looked good for her age (and still does now at 64), so she had/has that going for her.
I have outlived my parents and my sibling by many, many years.
As I got older and attained the ages at which they died, I felt that each additional day was a gift that my family had never gotten. Their lives felt unlived since they all died young.
It's sobering.
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