Do we ever get over our first real loves? (graduated, separate, friends)
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Never got over him. I was 15, he was 22, stayed together for 3 yrs. Even if I was single, he's too messed up to be able to consider going back to. Divorced 2x since then, owns a home, probably no debt, great handyman yet probably still growing dope. Yes it's more accepted but no, I have no use for him. He's mentally ill and probably has no ability to stay faithful to anyone. He was brought up by a single mom.
My husband is 8 yrs older so I often think of who I would marry when he passes away. We've been married 32 yrs. He's not the healthiest, oh well. God has it worked out
I am a guy who has been married for quite some time so I think I want to plead the 5th on this question.
With that being said, in reflection of life I think when we are younger and not as much grounded we meet those special people where there is a magic or spark who make us crazy in love but some are transitioning in life and we don’t really recognize the signals of that magic of true love. Some take the leap for the magic and others find a love that is stable, kind and comfortable.
Later in life when we have been through so much some reflect on what might have been. Maybe there were signals that took a lifetime for many to look back and realize what they had or the one that they shouldn't have let get away.
We all have married friends that are young, middle aged or seniors and I think at our age it is pretty easy to see the ones that are comfortably married and those that are definite soulmates and you can see the twinkle in their eyes when together.
PS. If you read between the lines my answer is there.
It depends on what you mean by "getting over" a first love.
Mine was at age 17, and when "Brad" broke up with me, I was literally devastated. I married on the rebound when I was barely 18, and when that didn't work, I married the complete opposite of my first husband. It took finding my current husband -- and starting out as friendly co-workers that very gradually turned into love -- before I knew I had finally found TRUE love. We have now been happily married for almost 40 years.
But to answer the OP's question, it took almost 15 years before I stopped thinking of Brad, and seeing any guy who even remotely resembled him brought my loss back to me. I did honestly think that I was in love with my first two husbands, but it was only in hindsight after my third marriage that I realized that I had persuaded myself that I loved them, and that my heart had remained with Brad. It wasn't until I had been a few years into my current marriage that I realized that Brad was a "jerk" (to put it nicely) and that it was a blessing that I did not end up with him.
But as much as I love my current husband, I have never felt the "passion" that I had for Brad with anyone else.
Last edited by katharsis; 12-29-2023 at 04:38 PM..
No, I pretty much never think about him. Maybe because my first "takes your breath away" grown-up relationship was, like all my relationships, quite long, ie, 4 years (or 5 years counting the first year of fantasizing and losing breath around each other, before starting to date :-). The relationship got completely spent by the time we broke up, and there was really nothing left to think about in connection with it any more. I was 18 and he was 20 when we started it, which I assume counts as grown-up?
I do think with some frequency about one of my relationships (7 years long) which was quite dysfunctional, mostly because I am still perplexed about how two people can be so strongly attracted to each other, but share no interests or values in common, and hate pretty much everything that the other one loves. I never managed to solve that mystery, which is probably why I still think about it.
But I still think mostly, daily, each minute of my life really, about the last relationship (11 years long) which was perfect in every way until his sudden death at 59 (I was 52, now am almost 64).
Yes, but her getting married to the guy she did was a real gut punch at the time.
Her future husband rode the bus with me growing up. He talks too much, small-minded, kind of annoying. He’s not a bad guy, but I don’t see the appeal there.
We talked at least weekly for a few more years after she was married. She’s still with him. She didn’t get the career she wanted. She’s never lived anywhere else. She never seemed to want any of that, and I’m surprised she seems to have settled for it.
Bill, my first boyfriend in high school, moved out of state for college and never married. But we kept in touch regularly over the years. He stopped writing to me several years ago. He was an epileptic, and I suspect that he may no longer be alive. He was the first boy who made me feel special and desirable,and that's something you don't forget.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of Don, my college sweetheart, my first serious relationship and my first lover. I flew clear across the country to be with him. We broke up, and I went back to my home state, but he never forgot me, either. He would call me every few years or so and tell me he still loved me. Last January I found his obituary in his local newspaper. But I'll never stop thinking of him and how he changed my life.
I still think of my late first husband Al a lot, too, even though he was emotionally abusive and we were married for less than four years. Like many creative types, he was troubled and had a drinking problem, but he could also be wonderfully witty. I miss his humor. He once said that he wouldn't mind if I cheated on him "but you have to let me watch."
Thank you. Since we led independent lives (and both of our careers included constant travel), and did not live together, what changed was that he was not coming back to meet me again, and was not going to be sending me daily e-mails any more. My new life seemed like silence and memories, and I accepted it - he somehow remained permanently present in it. Having his ashes also helped tremendously - now it seems he is with me all the time.
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