Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Memorial I attended today as I was on the committee? Anyway, I dear woman I sat next to,asked why more didn't attend. She replied "Most ?, many people uncomfortable attending. Don't know what to say."
Brought to mind when Bruce had his last illness, I received calls, asking "If there's anything I can do for you ...." Myself at the time didn't know what to ask for ! A neighbor, we would wave to, said "If you need a ride". She knew I could drive, though when the call.from the nursing home to see Bruce alive for the last time, Barbara, the neighbor came immediately. Didn't even think to drive myself.
Brought to mind, years ago, volunteer in a school library, a student asked me to attend her musical recital. Felt honored she asked me. Maybe family was unable to.attend, she wanted to to know someone was there for her.
Solution. Attend, visit folks. Bruce would so loved to have a visit. Talk about your your activities, ask for their hobbies, their growing up years.
Remember at Bruce's Celebration of Life, bless to have a man who played the bagpipes, both sons shared memories of their father. Our youngest son, wore a tartan tie for his Scottish heritage, a beret for his French. Lots of laughter, as people shared memories of Bruce. Touched by the number in attendance; afterwards, people came to me, not knowing what to say. Surprised, I thanked the person for coming, small chit chat. They seemed relived no words necessary, just hugs !
A widow told me to ask for a favorite memory of the departed. Did this day, the lovely granddaughter smile grew as she shared memories of her grandfather.
Your thoughts, suggestions ? Live in Washington state, Mama died in Oklahoma. It seemed the church was filled. She had attended, though, it was for my brother who's Mama died. You came for the living, whether you knew the deceased or not !
Sera, being there for people is so important. I go to funerals, offer to help people with rides, housework, whatever they need. When I have friends in a nursing or rehab center I go visit every week for a few hours. I do for others what I hope someone would do for me.
Sera, what a wonderful post to read - especially first thing in the morning. Thank you for the reminder that celebrating a life is more meaningful than mourning someone's death.
The sharing of memories can be such joy in the midst of mourning.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Sera, being there for people is so important. I go to funerals, offer to help people with rides, housework, whatever they need. When I have friends in a nursing or rehab center I go visit every week for a few hours. I do for others what I hope someone would do for me.
Yes. We were raised to attend funerals. Not kept away. Back in the day they even had the bodies at home. My older siblings remember that.
It was not until my own mother passed away that I had really felt this. My mother was Canadian by birth, a very independent woman for her time. She was born in 1920 (end), graduated high school 1939 and left her parent's home in a very small town in Ontario (north of Ottawa) to attend McGill University in the big city of Montreal. She worked at Eaton's Department Store and talked so often of her college years. She had wonderful roommates who were lifetime friends. She was class president her last 2 years.
She volunteered for WWII in Canada as support staff. After WWII, she went to the University of Chicago and got her MBA. She then got a job at Michigan State University. She was head dietician.
She was almost 30 when she met our dad who was a student there and 7 years younger.
Definitely going against the grain for this timeframe.
After moves from Michigan to Ohio to Illinois to Florida, she took all those friendships and her very strong faith with her. She had so many friends, wrote so many letters and did so much for others, there was not much room to spend time WITH her. But, we felt lucky to spend whatever time we could with her.
As an adult, I got 2 days a year - a day close to Mother's Day and 6 months later, a day close to her birthday. I would take her to lunch or just do something with her that she really wanted to do.
Anyway, she held her head high during all the tough times as well. She had 12 wonderful grandchildren who she knew well. She passed away at 89.
Her service was to be in her church's chapel. It sat 125. I mentioned to the minister that there might be more than that but he said "She is 89. So many will want to come but cannot."
There were about 35 from the family. Anyway, we arrive for the service and people are leaving the chapel. Panicked, I jump out of the car and was told everything was being moved to the main sanctuary since there was an overflow crowd. Over 300 people came. My sisters made all my mom's favorite recipes and had made up index cards with all the recipes on them.
I can't even tell you how much it meant for all of us to see all these people from her past, some of whom we had not seen in 40 years! Relationships were so important to her. I rarely heard her say a negative word about someone. She was kind and did not judge but you could tell if she did not like something.
She was the first woman elder at her church (church we grew up in) and she also was in charge of Scottish Sunday so Sera, I can relate to the bagpipes!
On the bulletin for her memorial service, we wrote inserts instead of speaking and we did not see each other's until the Friday before. All 8 of them were different and our views and what we talked about were totally different. We all saw her in a different way but much the same in other ways.
After her service, I never asked if I should go to a funeral or not. I just went. I now know how important it is to be there for the family. I definitely felt that for my mother.
She was an amazing woman and I miss her every day.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My own mother
