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Same here, lost my parents, best friend, and favorite relatives. Siblings and their children are still alive but they betrayed me so I don't speak to them, can't go to my neighbors house anymore for bbq's because their dog bit me once and if he bites me again they can go to jail. I guess it was meant to be that I should be alone and isolated, but on the bright side I probably will never get covid not being around people
Speaking personally, it isn't death that scaring me, LOL. There are worse things!
Not when you still have two catamas rexes.
The thing that helped me the most. Be reconciled in all of your relationships every day. Not that you always have a positive outcome; but, that you have resolution (leave nothing left unsaid). In the end, that's all there was.
I accidently built a relationship with the big guy.
You honor their memory by forming new relationships and new friends.
Exactly. It sounds really harsh. But, after having the experience of losing my parents 50 years ago when I was far too young and mourning for far to long I got to the point after a few more losses in life where I told my relatives I'm done mourning.
It sounds harsh; but, it's a waste of time. Life is for the living. This Is what they would want for you is to move on.
I've been a parent for almost 40 years now and both of my children live hours away either by car or plane. Neither one is sure that they will stay where they are (one says they plan to move where I am but who knows) so it doesn't make sense for me to pick up and move to be closer to them right now. And my "fantasy" of what life would be like (if we lived close by) probably wouldn't be reality anyway so maybe it would have been even harder for me to be so close in proximity if the "fantasy" never came to fruition.
I was telling my husband just the other day that we, him and I, need to figure out this next chapter of our life. I NEED something outside of our day to day routine. I NEED a purpose. My whole adult life I had a purpose. I've been a parent basically my entire adult life, I had a fulfilling career until we moved clear across the country to help care for my FIL who had terminal cancer. Then my mother got dementia and I was having to fly back across the country to help her for over a 10 year period. I had a good social life but with all that was going on with my Mom, FIL (and even my own health) that slipped by the wayside. So now all of those things are over. I do have grandkids but they are almost 3000 miles away and they don't fly and the older I get the more anxious I get traveling by plane.
So I'm not sure I'm helping you any but just wanted to let you know that there are others going through similar and understand how you feel. I hope that we all can find what it is that seems to be missing in our lives right now.
I've been a parent for almost 40 years now and both of my children live hours away either by car or plane. Neither one is sure that they will stay where they are (one says they plan to move where I am but who knows) so it doesn't make sense for me to pick up and move to be closer to them right now. And my "fantasy" of what life would be like (if we lived close by) probably wouldn't be reality anyway so maybe it would have been even harder for me to be so close in proximity if the "fantasy" never came to fruition.
I was telling my husband just the other day that we, him and I, need to figure out this next chapter of our life. I NEED something outside of our day to day routine. I NEED a purpose. My whole adult life I had a purpose. I've been a parent basically my entire adult life, I had a fulfilling career until we moved clear across the country to help care for my FIL who had terminal cancer. Then my mother got dementia and I was having to fly back across the country to help her for over a 10 year period. I had a good social life but with all that was going on with my Mom, FIL (and even my own health) that slipped by the wayside. So now all of those things are over. I do have grandkids but they are almost 3000 miles away and they don't fly and the older I get the more anxious I get traveling by plane.
So I'm not sure I'm helping you any but just wanted to let you know that there are others going through similar and understand how you feel. I hope that we all can find what it is that seems to be missing in our lives right now.
The job of a parent is to go out of business. You did your job.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wile E. Coyote
The job of a parent is to go out of business. You did your job.
Good point, those who have never been parents, often have a lot of growing up to do. Not that I was successful, but I did endure, now retired from parenting for 20 yrs. Have not fully retired from elder care, but I have over 50 yrs experience now.
Don't fret, these are but seasons, and chapters to a canvas not finished yet.
Don't push for an early completion
Wrapping yourself up in being helpful to others helps pass the time, and adds spice to your story.
Good point, those who have never been parents, often have a lot of growing up to do. Not that I was successful, but I did endure, now retired from parenting for 20 yrs. Have not fully retired from elder care, but I have over 50 yrs experience now.
Don't fret, these are but seasons, and chapters to a canvas not finished yet.
Don't push for an early completion
Wrapping yourself up in being helpful to others helps pass the time, and adds spice to your story.
It's not that childless people have a lot of growing up to do (big assumption on your part, btw), it's more that we grow in different ways and in different directions. No matter what your path, chosen or not, life forces you to grow. We don't escape growth and development just because we chose not to have children. Some of our challenges may be different than those who chose parenthood. No one escapes life without growing pains.
OP, everything is temporary and always changing. Seeing your kids with their kids and your Dad not recognizing you brought it into sharper focus leaving you unsettled.
Our grandchildren are entering middle school and high school this coming school year. In the past few months I’ve become very much aware we aren’t needed like we have been and I feel the change which leaves me feeling unsettled also.
For me, staying busy and physically tiring myself out as I adapt helps me reflect and sleep better as a new norm begins to take shape. Ruminating can become a habit and looking back is a trip hazard to avoid. Give yourself time to find your way.
Last edited by jean_ji; 05-31-2023 at 07:23 AM..
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. Not that I was successful, but I did endure, now retired from parenting for 20 yrs. Have not fully retired from elder care, but I have over 50 yrs experience now
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