How many single past retirement age expect to be celibate the rest of your life. (divorce, divorced)

[Hefe]

Originally Posted by SunGrins

.... Living solo has been difficult in COVID isolation...but that is true for everyone.

This.

I started online dating pretty aggresively about 19 months ago but now this. I've decided between the isolation & winter weather now to just hit Pause until life starts approching normalcy. I met someone for coffee (outside) in December but it wasn't anything, and it wasn't freezing then. There's a gal who I should've texted last week about my decision to hibernate since we talked on the phone last month & she remembered my birthday by texting me. But I've just got over covid & I'm really unmotivated about almost anything right now.

I don't expect to be celibate but I might settle for a driver for my colonoscopy.

[chiluvr1228]

Originally Posted by marcandme

It takes more then one time, to be comfortable with one another. Plus, it`s harder for a man. No pun intended.

He was fine - don't know how to put this delicately: the hammer was too big for the job...... and unlike the 5 second guy, it lasted forever which didn't help matters.

[City Guy997S]

Originally Posted by Chas863

If a guy lives in a 55+ community and he is doing without and eating his own cooking, it's because he chooses to live that way. Most of those communities have an unwritten rule that widows won't hit on new widowers until at least the funeral is over.

My neighbors parents lived in a 55+ for about 10 years. Wife dies very unexpectantly, within a few months the husband had a new "lady friend"

Wife was named Penny Sue, a few months later she was Penny "WHO?"

Guy was very frugal, did fantastic with what he had to work with. After the wife died he loosened up the spendin' by a lot!

[Lodestar]

After being married for fifty-three years it's hard to even get my head around this. I certainly don't want to marry again. I've seen the sort of problems that can cause with the adult kids, etc. I don't think I would ever want to be that invested in another human being that much again. I still have my adult kids I am invested in emotionally.

But the sexual part is difficult to imagine. I have no idea. Will have to be in the situation to know how I would feel about it.

I'm enjoying reading your stories - the humor, the loneliness, all of it and trying to understand how it must feel.

I've got to say I'd have difficulty with anyone who prayed to be saved from temptation at my bedside. LOL!

[galaxyhi]

Originally Posted by chiluvr1228

He was fine - don't know how to put this delicately: the hammer was too big for the job...... and unlike the 5 second guy, it lasted forever which didn't help matters.

Sorry to hear that.

Lol, you need a 'happy medium'!!

Hmm, men do talk to each other about sex, and I've learned over time a few things.
And women...seem to feel the need to share with me what they are desiring...even though Im not...uh... involved with them?

Most men are more worried... that the hammer...ISNT big enough for the job, even when they outsize the others in the locker room.
As with breasts, they come in all sizes.
Just like a woman should be a long legged thin model... according to what we are bombarded with...it's often said women want bigger hammers.
It's also often said men prefer chesty women.
NEITHER is accurate.
Women can augment or reduce "upstairs", but as yet, men can't change what nature dealt them.
Then...what you mentioned...women tend to complain loudly when it's over so quick, or lasts too long.
Most men, are, well average.
Any addage can be substituted...to make up for any perceived"deficiency"...real or imagined.

Poor men, have no idea what a woman really wants and are actually a bit paranoid that "they don't measure up"...in any manner... according to what THEY are bombarded with about what women say they want.
Unfortunately, I think it's a CHILDHOOD (and therefore childISH) THing...that we want bigger or better. You know what I mean....ask a child if he wants 1 5 oz cookie, or two 2 oz cookies (4 oz total)...and invariably they will go for the TWO smaller cookies... because two look better than just one.
So I think some perceptions are childish in nature..and perhaps innate.

Fantasy NEVER meets reality...all too often we...both men and women... fantasize... conscious or unconsciously...about what the perfect "it" is/should/would be like.
We had an open marriage...for a while (which of course didn't solve anything)...and when I met someone new...if it was going in an intimate direction, I'd make sure I myself didn't, and asked they didn't, build any fantasies about it.
I fir one, had a much better time when I myself DIDN'T place any expectations on "it"...in either parties participation.
Expectations and fantasy lead nowhere...but to disappointment.

Fir me, it's about going with the flow, and "a good time had by all". That's what it SHOULD be... enjoyable for both parties (or more if you're into that) and having a good time.

I think we also are "stuck" in our puberty years.. what we found attractive in our sexually formative years is what we still find attractive. Sure, It may change and grow as we age, but that is why there are "so many dirty old men" chasing after young things...and women oohing and ahhing over a set of washboard abs on a young "stud" and are called "cougars".

I think it's our own interpretation.. before, during and even after... that tends to ruin things...the rest is purely...well... "mechanical".

Sure some difficulty may be encountered, but mostly I think it the biggest sex organ we've all got...our brains...that get in the way.

Lastly...partners NEED to COMMUNICATE with each other.
He's never going to know what she wants, or what's satisfying to her... remember, a vagina is a mystery to him, he doesn't have one...if she doesn't help him along.
And she doesn't know a THING about a penis...she doesn't have one...if he doesn't share with her what's pleasing to his.
But "s-e-x" is such a taboo subject in this country...done but not talked about, and so both sexes bumble along, and perhaps both wondering 'is this all there is"?

I hear same sex partners having the same issues...And in that case each KNOWS what "it" is/reacts/does.

So, it's a combination of all of the above.

And marcandme had a valid response....it DOES take time to be comfortable with each other.

Each time the opportunity presents itself (fir me), I still feel a bit like a bumbling teenager having my first fling, and that's FAR from the truth (I hope that doesn't make me sound like a ****!)

There's ALWAYS something we can learn from each other!

"Sharing the experience" is MORE than just getting under the covers!

Best to all...

Speaking of which...I need to find a willing date...soon!!!
Free

[Chas863]

Originally Posted by Lodestar

After being married for fifty-three years it's hard to even get my head around this. I certainly don't want to marry again. I've seen the sort of problems that can cause with the adult kids, etc. I don't think I would ever want to be that invested in another human being that much again. I still have my adult kids I am invested in emotionally.

But the sexual part is difficult to imagine. I have no idea. Will have to be in the situation to know how I would feel about it.

I'm enjoying reading your stories - the humor, the loneliness, all of it and trying to understand how it must feel.

I've got to say I'd have difficulty with anyone who prayed to be saved from temptation at my bedside. LOL!

Yeah, that seems to be a rather dumb thing to do. Seems to me that if he was going to pray, he would say "Thank you, Lord. Now when can I do it again?" The dummy needs to use his brain a little bit or he won't have to worry about being "tempted" again.

[in_newengland]

I've got to say I'd have difficulty with anyone who prayed to be saved from temptation at my bedside. LOL!

What a turn off. What an insult to the woman too.

He's lucky he found someone to be close to him and make love with him but to make it all about himself and temptation is sort of sick. No, I wouldn't put up with that. I'd throw him out.

[chiluvr1228]

^^ I ended it with him after those few attempts. His "hammer" was the perfect size and if it lasted more than 5 seconds it would have been pleasurable at least in the beginning.

I did end it yesterday with the guy I was seeing. He just doesn't have time in his life for a relationship right now. I like him so we are staying friends and who knows what may happen when his job slows down. I have the new bottle of KY in my night table just in case. :-)

As for putting yourself out there when you're older, it's tough, even tougher for me as I had a double mastectomy in 2012. Although I had reconstruction, I have no nips or areolas, just the 3D ones that are tattooed on. Telling someone when it looks like we might become intimate is always a bit awkward.

[athena53]

Originally Posted by ChileSauceCritic

For men this is the one time in your life the odd's are in your favor. women usually outlive men by decades, so if you kept yourself in shape when you were young and outlived the competition you're golden.

Yep- I saw plenty of ordinary-looking guys on Match looking for women 10-15 years younger. I was 66 and sure not willing to look in the 80-year old bracket. I considered myself fortunate to find someone who appreciated women his own age.

[mathjak107]

I am swapping sex for food now ...I moved the mirror from the bedroom to over the kitchen table ....

I watch the food network like it’s porn ....I was watching those pit masters do ribs and I am going these are things that I will never experience.

The only way my wife would let me eat those ribs is if they used Lipitor as a dry rub.

The only reason I still have fantasy’s of two women is so they have someone to talk to while I nap