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Yes, I've been thinking about this lately as I will be 60 this year. I only have one (adult) child, so everything goes to her, but someone told me I should make a will anyway. At the very least, she would have no idea where to find stuff like the deed to my condo, my life insurance papers, etc. She would find it all eventually, but hey. It's in a big plastic box. Organizing files has never been my strong suit.
I haven't done it yet, and I'm about to leave on 500-mile drive. Hope I make it back. Otherwise, oops, sorry, honey.
I had to toss my mom's house for five days to find her will. It was in the bottom of a basket full of craft supplies under a table in the corner of her living room. She had papers in four different rooms.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Very sorry for your loss and it is a tough experience for many (and why I volunteer for Hospice, to help others through it, especially the patient (who are often very stressed by the presence of 'family')
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
I am sorry for your loss! I did more than a decade of elder care and honestly what I felt the most was relief. It was finally over. No more suffering for me or them!
yup... 32 yrs for me (caring for a disabled and very ill parent, who HATED every minute of it)
I rested A LOT after that experience (years) I am SO GLAD of the recommendation that I drive the deceased 2500 miles to bury them. That gave me the BEST closure I could have experienced. We visited all the favorite (and the painful) locations and memories (+/-). I blew the TAPS on the deceased' bugle, performed the flag ceremony, and rented the backhoe, buried them, and built the memorial.
I am very sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose a loved one, especially a parent.
My dad died about a year ago and my mom, brothers and I were at his bedside. It was really hard for all of us but looking back, I am glad I was there. I think my dad wanted us there and I also was glad to be a support to my mom. Yes, I do feel haunted by it and sometimes if I think back to that experience I will get upset and start crying. But I remind myself that death is a natural part of life and it was my dad's time. It is a very surreal thing to experience, and it's so hard to believe that a person who has been in your life forever is gone in one second.
What was even more surreal to me was seeing him in the casket at the viewing. We were lucky to have a funeral director who did a fantastic job and my dad looked like the best version of himself. He did not look dead. I kept waiting for his eyes to open because it looked like he was just sleeping.
I had to toss my mom's house for five days to find her will. It was in the bottom of a basket full of craft supplies under a table in the corner of her living room. She had papers in four different rooms.
We've got the same crazy situation - not in terms of looking for the Will (that was in my hands) - but in terms of home organization. As we sort through the house contents, we're finding money in envelopes all over the place, and oddly we're finding important papers in envelopes with cards such as a King of Hearts, King of Spades. Who knows what she was thinking. It's like a scavenger hunt.
My mom died on Valentines Day, 1985. Today is Valentines Day, always sad for me. Somehow, I knew she'd pick something I'd never forget. Miss her so much.
I was born late in her life. My father died when I was 6 yrs old. Really don't remember him, just scant visions.
I had two brothers who were grown and married when I came along. So, after age 6, I was raised by my mom. She was and still is my strength.
She died suddenly, sitting at my kitchen table while we were having coffee and laughing. Suddenly, she said, 'oh I have a terrible headache.' Last words. She tumbled to the kitchen floor. I called 911 and they took her to the hospital.
Later they told me she had a brain hemorrhage. She was 76 yrs old. Vibrant, healthy, nothing wrong with her. I never thought about her age. She was like a 40 yrs old. Loved to dance, laugh, just a vibrant person full of energy.
All these years later, I still am shocked. I miss her so much.
I'm not sure which is worse. Having a sick parent who you know won't get better or a healthy parent who suddenly dies with no warning.
Parents are always hard to lose. Now that my husband has died, I have a large 3 bedroom house and land. I had 1 heart attack in 2014 and another in 2017. I just turned 51. Now, I am taking care of my mother who is at the end stage of COPD and emphysema. She always had colds that turned to pneumonia or bronchitis. She is fragile and needs a lot of help. On oxygen. So, I got an apartment for the two of us and will sell her big house and land and now I stay with her during the week and spend 1 night on the weekend at my house. Hard running two houses and paying the bills for both. But, my mother and father were always there for me and I will never be able to replace them or repay them. I can put my life on hold for a little while to make hers more enjoyable and comfortable. I promised my dad to take care of her and I will. She will NEVER think she is a burden. But, you MUST MUST find time and grieve in your own way. It is not good to hold it in. Take time for yourself. Secret weapon....take a pillow and go outside and scream into it....smack it around....play racket ball and work up a good sweat. Do what is right for you. But DO IT!
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