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My mom is 74 and a widow. She doesn't have a lot of savings, but she owns her house outright (worth about $220k), receives Railroad retirement income (my dad worked on the railroad) and Social Security.
She has fallen in love with a widower who is very elderly (91!!). Despite the age difference, they are very happy together and have decided they want to either live together or get married. He has about $450k in investments, and about $150k equity in his house. He also receives Social Security.
My mom has 3 kids and he has 9! All kids are grown, out of the house and self sufficient.
My mom and her beau need guidance about finances and whether they would be better off financially living together or getting married. We have heard that some elderly people avoid marriage because they would take a financial hit if they get married but we are not sure if this is really true. They could also use financial guidance about renting versus owning. (They plan to sell their houses and get a different place together).
If you have specific advice, can you share?
My second question is...what type of financial professional would be most qualified to guide them? What is the best way to find such a professional, other than word of mouth? We don't really know anyone who uses a financial professional.
Thanks in advance for any tips or advice you can offer!
Are you joking? Tell them not to get married and choose the nicer of the two homes to live in. Keep finances separate except for a household checking account where they both fund an agreed amount each month. This can be automated from their personal checking accounts. They will pay household bills from the one joint account. All other money stays separate.
The other home can be sold and proceeds divided as they wish. Perhaps original owner keeps half and the other half is used to renovate the other home.
To be honest, a marriage to a 91 y.o. isn't going to last long. Don't complicate things. Make sure wills, POA, medical proxies, etc are all in place.
If they want to, they can do a public, non-legal commitment ceremony for family and friends.
Last edited by charlygal; 01-04-2018 at 04:30 AM..
As for who they should see, there are attornies that specialize in eldercare. My friend went to one to help her in-laws get their finances in order. They mainly specialize in what to do at the end of life, but they are also very aware of issues dealing with taxes, Social Security, and retirements which affect the elderly. They can tell them how to place there assets correctly in case one of them needs assistance. So I would look for an elder care attorney to get their finances correct.
Thanks everyone and please keep the suggestions coming. I didn't know there was such a thing as lawyers that specialize in elder law.
I should add...
They are adamant that they do not want to live in either of their current houses. Too many memories of departed spouses. They want a place that's separate from their pasts and that signifies their new life together.
I was drawing SSDI when we got married, and I lost a lot assistant things and benefits when we did.
Next, if one spouse gets complications and needs care ALL THAT MONEY TOGETHER may be required to pay for his her care.
They don't have to comingle assets but each spouse should understand that the common bills should be equitably divided to cover the bills. That may mean he pay a 40% of his income and she pays 40%, which eill be different amounts, but will each be the same percentage of theur respective incomes.
Be sure they still have living REVOCABLE trusts set up, which can be changed, not a IREVOCABLE trust.
Also if they want to leave an inheritance to their kids, they'd be better off keeping separate.
Sell the house that is the worst for their senior years ( handicapped wise) and sell and split the profits part to that spouse and part to make alterations to the house they live in for handicapped needs.
As gar,as it lasting? I know a woman, elder age unknown but suspected to be in her 80s, who married a 94 yo. He'll turn 100 this year if he makes It! And is fairly healthy to boot. He was in the pacific in WWII!!! They go on cruises, he's active in his garden and lawn care, they do charity work and go to senior fitness and exercise classes.
So it can last for a while.
My mom is 74 and a widow. She doesn't have a lot of savings, but she owns her house outright (worth about $220k), receives Railroad retirement income (my dad worked on the railroad) and Social Security.
She has fallen in love with a widower who is very elderly (91!!). Despite the age difference, they are very happy together and have decided they want to either live together or get married. He has about $450k in investments, and about $150k equity in his house. He also receives Social Security.
My mom has 3 kids and he has 9! All kids are grown, out of the house and self sufficient.
My mom and her beau need guidance about finances and whether they would be better off financially living together or getting married. We have heard that some elderly people avoid marriage because they would take a financial hit if they get married but we are not sure if this is really true. They could also use financial guidance about renting versus owning. (They plan to sell their houses and get a different place together).
If you have specific advice, can you share?
My second question is...what type of financial professional would be most qualified to guide them? What is the best way to find such a professional, other than word of mouth? We don't really know anyone who uses a financial professional.
Thanks in advance for any tips or advice you can offer!
I think your mother needs to take her love blinders off because they are preventing her from seeing a very possible unpleasant future for her that all the love in the world will not lessen it's unpleasant impact. Aside from the financial concerns, does your mother realize that having a cohabitating committed relationship or marrying 91 year old who at best has only a few years of life left, when their health starts circling the drain heading towards the hereafter does she really want to in her mid 70s assume to role of caregiver to this man which may involve changing diapers, feeding, and tending to multiple other care needs ? Assuming this caregiver role is difficult enough for those who have had lengthy committed loving marriages and relationships, and for someone to take on this role with which in your mother's situation could come sooner rather than later with someone she has been in a relatively short intimate relationship with IMO is very foolish and could negatively impact her own health.
I think you need to bring to your mother's attention the issues that I have relayed, and if that dose of reality does not sway sway her to just continue and enjoy her less committed separate living and separate asset relationship all you can do is wish her and her beau a long, happy, and healthy life together.
Charlygirl...can you tell me why you said "are you joking?"
Do you mean about the age difference, or that they are considering marriage, or something else?
For something like this, it seems so obvious. At their ages, they don't need complications like merging finances, buying property, etc. Look for the simplest path.
I agree, marriage is not a good idea, with all those kids involved. As far as moving in together, a nice retirement community with attached assisted living and nursing care wings would be perfect. No matter what happened, they could be together.
ETA, if they DO give up both houses and move it together, have respective kids pick out what they want from the homes by way of family heirlooms/mementos at that time. Avoid hurt feelings later.
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