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My MIL lives in a 55+ community. She loves it though because she's one of those zombies j/k
She's got her daily schedule and variety of card games down pat.
"Stepford Wives" retired is how I best describe it.
She's a social butterfly type and there's always something going on that she can sign up for.
She'd be miserable off on her own.
I tell her if I don't call by 9am then I wait for the next day because I know she'll be out and about.
While it's not the life for me, it is the life for many others.
There are many, many retirement communities which consist essentially of apartments that offer either two meals a day or three meals a day as part of the rent. These are designed for people who may be challenged by preparing their own food, as my mother was (and that was the main reason she needed to move), although they typically have a small kitchen in each apartment as well. I have visited two other such places in different cities and had lunch in the dining hall with my elderly aunts who lived there. My mother, and one of the aunts, lived in "independent living", which included the meals (as mentioned), and once a week housekeeping services, but no help with the activities of daily living. Often, such places will offer "assisted living" on the same premises should that become necessary. All three places were very nice, as I also visited my two aunts in their appartments before going to lunch with them. My sister had visited a number of such places before deciding that one was best. (Remember that the provision of meals was an absolute requirement).
I don't quite understand the hostility behind your comment about "dumping" our mother somewhere. The implication of that word choice is absolutely false in the actual case of my mother and my sister (and me). Would you care to explain?
Sorry. Trying to come across as facetious never works on a forum. I should know better.
My MIL is in a 55+ community too. She loves it, she lives across from the clubhouse, close to all the action. She swims, takes exercise classes, line dances, paints, does arts/crafts, takes trips to museums and plays, eating out with friends and is busy every moment. She snowbirds, so is there in the winter and in the Midwest for the summer. She babysits grandkids and great grandkids, gardens and takes care of the family home while she is there. When the weather becomes cold , she slips off the yoke of responsibility and escapes to warm weather and to enjoy her own time once again.
She is such an inspiration to me in many ways and always has been. She is positive, full of energy and uncomplaining. i wouldn't chose to be in a 55+ community, that's not my style, but for her it's been perfect. She's always been a social woman and so this lifestyle is perfect for someone who enjoys people and activities.
My FIL died a few years ago in this 55+ community. Staying there wasn't by choice, he became too sick to travel back home. The community rallied around him: stopping by for short visits throughout the days and weeks. The residents have been through this before and knew the drill not to overstay their welcome and how to help out. It was good to be in a place where people could visit so easily, he would have been much more isolated in the ice and snow that was happening up north at that time.
My MIL is 84 and will continue to snowbird as long as she can. When she can't, she will change directions and move forward once again, as she always has. When something doesn't work or can't be done anymore, it's time to let go and see what will happen next.
I think 55+ communities are really populated by people about 20 years older than 55. We settled in a small quiet subdivision, and it is fine for us for the time being. The former owner was probably in her eighties.
I think the OP doesn't like to think of herself as old. And the probs with so many rules keep us out of condos. So I relate.
Here is my question. Didn't the OP read the rules before moving into the community? These are the rules and I am certain that those who did read them weren't bothered by them and so moved in. I think it is a bit unkind to call people "zombies" just because they make a choice to join in the activities and the way they walk to get there. Attending community meals can be a very nice social event for some especially those who do not or no longer have partners with whom to share their lives.
I would wager no one forces the inhabitants of the community to do any of these things so why should it bother someone who opts out if others choose to participate? The non-participants can always close their drapes and not watch the "zombies" march by or better yet, go and engage in other activities outside the community that suit them better.
And little girls are asked to braid their hair in order not to clog the filters of the swimming pool. I like that idea better than those uncomfortable bathing caps many pools require long haired little girls to wear.
I don't think these rules are out of line. I don't know whether or not I would be able to live with them but I wouldn't criticize those who do. I don't think it's a matter of age either. Some people like to live more organized lives than others and some, as I mentioned before, might like the group atmosphere because they are alone.
I am with you Minervah. I think the OP should have thought it over before moving if it was not for them. It is a lifestyle change and many people want that. Yes it is not for everyone but to lump everyone as mindless zombies is just wrong. In fact we see them quite differently though we haven't moved there yet. We are not retired but looked at one such community. We have a few more to check out and a few more years before we settle in to our zombie patch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah
Here is my question. Didn't the OP read the rules before moving into the community? These are the rules and I am certain that those who did read them weren't bothered by them and so moved in. I think it is a bit unkind to call people "zombies" just because they make a choice to join in the activities and the way they walk to get there. Attending community meals can be a very nice social event for some especially those who do not or no longer have partners with whom to share their lives.
I would wager no one forces the inhabitants of the community to do any of these things so why should it bother someone who opts out if others choose to participate? The non-participants can always close their drapes and not watch the "zombies" march by or better yet, go and engage in other activities outside the community that suit them better.
And little girls are asked to braid their hair in order not to clog the filters of the swimming pool. I like that idea better than those uncomfortable bathing caps many pools require long haired little girls to wear.
I don't think these rules are out of line. I don't know whether or not I would be able to live with them but I wouldn't criticize those who do. I don't think it's a matter of age either. Some people like to live more organized lives than others and some, as I mentioned before, might like the group atmosphere because they are alone.
Regarding little girls hair, 55 plus-ers are grandparents. Visiting grandkids must abide the rules too.
Regarding german shepherds, what I wrote is the place we are looking at (as an alternative to the 55-plus) has small backyards which should insure against large dogs.
Regarding offending anyone, I'm offended at least once a day by posts I read here. Life goes on.
Regarding dining hall (???), I live in a 55 plus community not independent living. We have a 3-level townhouse which we maintain ourselves, no dining hall. It's the same townhouse-type living we had in Alexandria, VA only we have gates and you must be 55 to live here. There's no community meals, nothing like that.
Regarding reading the rules, of course I read the rules. My concern is not really the rules themselves, the rules are what keep school buses from appearing in your neighbors' driveways, sheds being constructed too close to your property, etc.. What I don't like about the rules is that they attracts a certain kind of people, the kind who hand over their social reins to committees and go by the community calendar.
Minervah, those of us who choose not to participate don't 'close their drapes and not watch the zombies march by', we have lives beyond the community. And re bathing caps, I haven't seen one of those, with the exception of watching the summer olympics, in over 4 decades.
Today I'm meeting a friend for lunch, a friend from outside the gates. I'm finding most of my friends, great women too, from outside the 55 plus community where we live. I take art lessons in a nearby town. I'm just saying there aren't too many years left for raising hell and having fun my way.
If this posts offends anyone, so be it. I've gotten much support via direct messages. But pleeze, as bad as 55-plus living is, don't lump it together with independent or assisted living facilities. Different animals!
After my grandfather died my grandmother was very lonely. All of her friends had either died or moved away. She lived in a large old apartment in NYC she had resided in for many many years. It was getting hard for her to climb to her 5th floor apt since there were no elevators in her bldg. Crime was becoming a real problem. A man was murdered right across the street from her bldg. There were break-ins. She didn't want a pet.
To add to her lonliness the neighborhood was changing with a lot of younger people moving in plus a lot of immigrants. Fearing for her safety, my father got together with my aunt and looked around and found a nice assisted living facility just north of the city. My grandmother donated everything in her apartment to charity and moved there. She loved it!!! She got involved with everything going on there, forgot all her aches and pains, made several friends she hung out with every day, and I have to say she was a happy camper right up until she passed away.
I don't know why people are jumping on the OP. They tried it, they didn't like it. Like no one has ever had that happen to them. I'd also agree, for me the 55+ community would be too much in a lot of ways. But some people are happy with 55+ to each his own.
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j/k
