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So do I. I decided to not tell her what to do, but just listen.
She is an adult. Maybe one day she will come to her senses.
Just reviewing all the things i know of the family, i think that the parents just made it a priority for the children, all female, to find a husband and go on and be taken care of.
I'm friends with another sibling and she told me that I was different since i seemed to think of MYSELF first. Which is correct. My parents told me it was important for me to be able to take care of myself in any situation - so here i am - .
A selfish little witch -
It's not selfish to have self worth though and that's the missing link in a lot of relationships. You are smarter than the average bear!
The most common , shared, experence between estranged relationships with grown children is the long term separation. Its near an impossibility to changes lifestyle after so many years have gone by.
It is hard, and hard to when people do come together after years gone by. My son was gone 9 years and came back a different person altogether. It's been rocky and I dont trust him now, not to do it again. He is not show sympathy over any of it. I hope you all have better luck!
It is hard, and hard to when people do come together after years gone by. My son was gone 9 years and came back a different person altogether. It's been rocky and I dont trust him now, not to do it again. He is not show sympathy over any of it. I hope you all have better luck!
In my case I divoriced when my son was 5 years old. When he was little I tried to see him for the week end every month. My job took me thousands of miles away at times, so visits became irregular. We had little in common ,he grew up in an all female lifestyle. Every visits grew increasingly uncomfortable for both of us. As a teen he would fly out to Chicago and spend part of the summers with me, I liked that. As he got older we grew further apart,, then there was drugs, that I did not know about till one day his mother knocked on my door, pushed him in and said “,it’s your turn, I can not do anything more for him ! “ She never shared the drug problem, I had to find out the hard way.........I was ready to do all I could, private school, addiction help, one on one hard love. Sad to say the lifetime circle changed forever he got his mother to take him back rather than face my plans for him. From then on I drove out to Iowa 2-3 times a year, my mother was the only thing that made those visits happen........then after 20 years or so ,my mother died. My son disappeared for 8 years or so, then we did find each other on Facebook, at lest that was something after 10 years,,we still are friends ,that’s about it. He is in his mid 50s now, got sober I think, never married, maybe even a steady job. We have not talked for 10 years........I am now 78 retired, spend winters in warmer climates. I know I should try to visit as I drive thru Des Moines, going south in my motorhome, he thinks that would be good.........it’s yet to happen.
In my case I divoriced when my son was 5 years old. When he was little I tried to see him for the week end every month. My job took me thousands of miles away at times, so visits became irregular. We had little in common ,he grew up in an all female lifestyle. Every visits grew increasingly uncomfortable for both of us. As a teen he would fly out to Chicago and spend part of the summers with me, I liked that. As he got older we grew further apart,, then there was drugs, that I did not know about till one day his mother knocked on my door, pushed him in and said “,it’s your turn, I can not do anything more for him ! “ She never shared the drug problem, I had to find out the hard way.........I was ready to do all I could, private school, addiction help, one on one hard love. Sad to say the lifetime circle changed forever he got his mother to take him back rather than face my plans for him. From then on I drove out to Iowa 2-3 times a year, my mother was the only thing that made those visits happen........then after 20 years or so ,my mother died. My son disappeared for 8 years or so, then we did find each other on Facebook, at lest that was something after 10 years,,we still are friends ,that’s about it. He is in his mid 50s now, got sober I think, never married, maybe even a steady job. We have not talked for 10 years........I am now 78 retired, spend winters in warmer climates. I know I should try to visit as I drive thru Des Moines, going south in my motorhome, he thinks that would be good.........it’s yet to happen.
I say bravo to you for keeping in touch all those years, to you and to him that always came together again. That was not an easy life for any of you.
It would be great for your son to visit you. Travel is easier on the young man... You have the best of both worlds being able to travel to warmer climates in the winter. Way to go daystar!
I moved 4000 miles overseas but only estranged from my daughters in law! Sons and grands are ok w G-ma
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