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Reminds me of "She's Having a Baby", a 1987 John Hughes film, where the grandchild desiring grandparents are at the foot of the bed with a miners lights on their head, "come on son get it in there" or whatever the fantasy cut away scene dialogue was.
You are justifying their intense harrassment of him as if they know better what he wants and needs than he does! How arrogant and condescending.
Yes parents want grandchildren but not everyone wants children. If the OP has made his feelings clear and they continue to harass him, it has gone past "love" and into control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionandlamb
Greetings,
There was so much of the same advice, just felt he needed to hear that true love may be awaiting him.
There is two sides to the story. His and his Dad. Wouldn't like to hear from the parents.
We made it easy for him, all he has to do is print all this free advice out and hand it to them.
Sticks and Stones you throw mean nothing to me. You dont even know me. I like to give encouragment instead of name calling.
Now doesn't that sound much more like fun instead of arguing back and forth?
BE BLESSED
A divorce might be waiting for him as well.
Look, the OP isn't interested in love or a relationship right now and that's fine. Maybe he will miss out, maybe he won't. What we can agree on however is that his father and his ladyfriend are harassing him extensively over this matter. It is arrogant and condescending.
My dad's wide used to do that to me but no more. After being polite but firm, she still tried to steam roll me so I started to get snarky:
"So Ameiko when are *you* going to get married?"
"Uh, I dunno. When are you going to lose those 30 pounds?"
After a few back and forth, it dropped. I hate that I had to resort to that but when rational requests fail, one must escalate.
Anyway, I printed my original quote- my accusation of arrogance and condescenion were meant for the parents, not you. My apologies for the confusion.
I didn't believe in true love either. Great education, job, finances. Havin a great time. Not looking. and wasn't interested in dating. Yes my family hounded me, but I would just smile and say I love u anyway. No they never gave up asking me if I met that someone special.
They left a message on my recorder and I Played it back to them. They realized they were overboard and back down alot.
Then one day I looked up and when I looked up there way My Prince Charming. I knew
Then I asked my parents why did u hound me? They said that in there generation it was just that when you Grauated from High School you got married. That they worried about me.
So even thou it may be driving you crazy, I'm sure your Dad loves u and just wants the best for you. I wouldn't entertain explaining yourself to them and dont get rude. My Father is now deceased and I would love to hear his voice again. So make peace with them and dont let anger get the best of you. Print out all of this and send it to them.
I trully hope in all of this advice there is something here for you to go by.
Be BLessed
The problem is that you are falling for a common trap of logic: because you like something or something worked out well for you, you assume that this extends to everyone else. Because your Prince Charming is working out so far, you assume that everyone else's Prince Charming and Princess will be great and will always be great.
I am sorry that your father has passed but please do not let this cloud your perception of the OP's issue. Maybe the teasing in your family was gentle, perhaps not. The OP has clearly stated that this harrassment is negatively affecting his life. If he has told his father and ladyfriend of this and they continue the harassment, they are not showing love but instead trying to extend control over him. He has a RIGHT to be angry and sometimes you have to be angry.
Parents are a funny thing. Dave Ramsey called it the "powdered butt syndome" where your parents fail to listen to their grown children because they raised them from infants. My father and I have an understanding now that took some years but was reached. Maybe it's because we are both men.
His wife and my mother, not so much. It took stronger tactics to reach a proper balance point from my perspective. It wasn't fun but it was needed and the OP may have to use some of those tactics.
Remember as well: most of the older generation have NO idea how much dating and marriage has changed over the last few decades. It is not the same landscape that they married into. If circumstance change, you mustadapt. Otherwise you are the Polish calvary on HORSEBACK trying to charge the Nazi Panzer tanks.
The problem is that you are falling for a common trap of logic: because you like something or something worked out well for you, you assume that this extends to everyone else. Because your Prince Charming is working out so far, you assume that everyone else's Prince Charming and Princess will be great and will always be great.
I am sorry that your father has passed but please do not let this cloud your perception of the OP's issue. Maybe the teasing in your family was gentle, perhaps not. The OP has clearly stated that this harrassment is negatively affecting his life. If he has told his father and ladyfriend of this and they continue the harassment, they are not showing love but instead trying to extend control over him. He has a RIGHT to be angry and sometimes you have to be angry.
Parents are a funny thing. Dave Ramsey called it the "powdered butt syndome" where your parents fail to listen to their grown children because they raised them from infants. My father and I have an understanding now that took some years but was reached. Maybe it's because we are both men.
His wife and my mother, not so much. It took stronger tactics to reach a proper balance point from my perspective. It wasn't fun but it was needed and the OP may have to use some of those tactics.
Greetings,
This isn't about me or if you agree with me. He asked advice, I gave it to him from my experiences and my heart.
Your heart will always tell u the truth --but your mind may not.
OH yes there is many Prince Charmings and just as many ladies out there, that true love can be and will be forever. Regardless of angry and bitter folks who relationships may not have worked out. That is where forgiveness begans and healing, then you can see things clearer.
BE BLESSED
Remember as well: most of the older generation have NO idea how much dating and marriage has changed over the last few decades. It is not the same landscape that they married into. If circumstance change, you mustadapt. Otherwise you are the Polish calvary on HORSEBACK trying to charge the Nazi Panzer tanks.
I agree they live in another era its emabrassing , my dad especially live in another era they seem say old time slang from the 70's and earlier
My dad used to 'bug me' about getting married but I had NO desire whatsoever. I had already been married three freakin' times and said "NO more!". One day I asked him why it was so important to him for me to get married again and he said "So you'll have someone to take care of you and I won't worry about you". For cryin' out loud! I was in my mid 30s at the time and doing fine. I asked him if he'd ever known me to be evicted from my home, ever had my utilities cut off or come close to starving to death. He had to say No, of course, so I told him if that was the case he had nothing to worry about. He never brought it up again. I've been single for 13 years now and my mom thinks it's just great.
AUGH! Yes, that was another thing my father used to mention. Finally one day my mother rolled up a newspaper and whapped him gently on the arm. "Will you knock it OFF? She is the LAST one of the four that we will ever have to worry about."
Then she turned to me and said, "Don't get married unless you want children. It's not about someone taking care of you. It's about YOU taking care of a MAN when he's senile."
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyShouldIWorry Before he dies and you find you've been disinherited!
Or you could tell him that the thirties for a man are a period of rapidly diminishing prospects and you don't need the pressure. You might make a big mistake.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swan Dive
diminishing prospects for a man in his 30's um no, thats not realistic or even accurate
Most men agree with me and since they are the ones who have to live with the consequences, their opinion trumps women's opinions of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyShouldIWorry Before he dies and you find you've been disinherited!
Or you could tell him that the thirties for a man are a period of rapidly diminishing prospects and you don't need the pressure. You might make a big mistake.
Most men agree with me and since they are the ones who have to live with the consequences, their opinion trumps women's opinions of this.
Be respectful but explain that you don't appreciate "relationship advice" from divorced people.
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