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This has been bugging me for a while now. I wonder if anyone else has encountered this...
Hubby and I have been married for nearly 8 years. We have a pretty normal relationship, in my opinion. We're both pretty hefty folks, and he's a fantastic bed hog! I don't mind sleeping on the edge of the bed, as I don't move much in my sleep anyway.
We relocated a few months ago when he got a promotion and a transfer. He moved in November, and the kids and I came down in February. He's decided now that he's used to sleeping alone again, he gets more rest that way. Yes, he is a light sleeper, and I can sleep through a tornado! There are some nights when he requests that I sleep in a different room, and he's even joked that I need my own bedroom.
He's never been good at sharing his things, i.e. his things are HIS things, and no one is to touch them, lest the wrath of GOD befall them! (Yes, a bit juvenile, I know, but at least he's predictable... lol!) It really did bother me, though, that yesterday morning, (I've been sick for a couple days) he asked me not to lay in the bed, and had asked me not to sleep with him last night. Am I just being petty about this, or do I have a right to be a little miffed that I have been kicked out of my own bed during an illness? Granted, he is the sole breadwinner, and that's why I feel really guilty about this bothering me like it does. Is it really so much of him to ask that I let him sleep how he wants to? (I did wash all the bedclothes yesterday, so as not to make him sick as well.)
This is such an issue to me because when he moved to our new home in November, he took the bed with him, and I slept on our loveseat or in a recliner for three months. I was so glad to have the bed back! Sleeping on living room furniture was very uncomfortable to me (I have problems with my neck), and my first night back on our pillowtop mattress was like heaven! Especially since we spent some time apart, sharing our nights is precious to me. He understands this, and has tried to be apologetic about removing me from his personal space. Still, I can't help but feel that he's trying to separate himself from me in some way. Am I overreacting? Should I fight for my bed space, or just take one for the team? (BTW, we do have extra sleeping quarters now, so I'm not sleeping in the chair! ) I love him dearly, but I love my bed, too!
Opinions, please?
~Danielle
Last edited by jtjmom; 03-01-2008 at 09:10 AM..
Reason: Because I can't spell... DOH!
Fight for your bedspace, Sister! He's being a selfish ninny. If you allow this to continue, you'll find yourself with separate bedrooms.
Thats right! Hit him in the eye! Elbow him in the ribs! Kick him in the butt! Sneeze in his food! Eat beans, and pickled eggs and wait til you get in bed, and fart like a wild-woman!
No, I'm only kidding here cause I just-ain't right anyway! But I think you two should just figure out what is the most restful, and comfortable for both of you. And, sleeping in seperate beds is more common than many people think. In fact, if you have the time to search some of the older threads on the pages from farther on back, you will find a number of threads on this very subject. And, I recall reading some very good stuff in those older threads. I predict you two will work this thing out, and I send my best wishes your way!
My husband and I sleep in separate beds that are pushed together to make it look like one big bed. We did it mostly because of the large dog that could push both of us out of the king sized bed at the same time.
We now have 2 queen beds. It works great for us. My husband likes a squishy pillow top and I like my high density memory foam. He likes regular sheets and I can't sleep on anything but flannel. Now when he hogs the covers I still have mine.
I bought 2 comforter sets that match. You have to look really close to be able to tell that it is not one bed (well, when it is made you have to look close). We took the wheels off of his bed frame to make up for the height difference between the pillow top and non pillow top.
I say take this opportunity to go find yourself a comfy new bed. I am sleeping so much better and have almost no back pain anymore.
Can't you have 2 single beds? Or is it he wants his privacy?
My parents slept on 2 singles for 60 some years,they slept well like that. When they moved around the country,depend on the size of the bedrooms,they sometimes pushed the sigles together,so each still have their bed.
If he wants his privacy and his own room that's another story
For a long long time I slept on the couch in our living room. His snoring was terrible, and I would have to go out there and sleep. Sometimes I would be able to get to bed first. Fall asleep, and be able to stay that way.
We were going to move, and I always said I wanted my own room. We never moved, but I did, and now, I have my own bed, my own house, my own room.
I don't think separate bedrooms are bad. I've known couples who are very close who wanted separate bedrooms, especially in middle age, when more emphasis is placed on creature comforts.
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I don't mind sleeping on the edge of the bed, as I don't move much in my sleep anyway.
) I love him dearly, but I love my bed, too!
