Does your IRL dating criteria differ from your OLD criteria? (women, younger)

[winrunner]

If they do differ, Do you find yourself being pickier IRL or in OLD?

I have a couple of acquaintances that have profiles on dating websites. I am going to speak about one in particular although both cases are similar. On the sites she specifically requests to date men w/o kids and in her age range or younger. IRL however, she dates men with children that are much older than she is. She is hopeful that at least one of them wants to take the relationship to the next level. She comments on how she would "close her accounts" if they ever made that move.

I've never done OLD but I have created profiles just to see the photos of the women on the sites. When filling out the criteria I remember thinking how much the process was similar to ordering a computer from the Dell website: add $250 per 8mb of RAM, add $400 for a 17", subtract ... It almost felt like I was ordering a mail-order bride. I knew it was a necessary evil , to be able to manage the matches but I was being asked to choose when IRL I really didn't think about these things before engaging in a conversation. And I know for a fact that the women with which I've had long relationships, 2+ years, probably wouldn't have shown up.

I am a small government conservative(more libertarian actually) yet in the last 20 years I've only dated one young lady that, I believe, was conservative. Everyone else was left leaning if not far left leaning:they would not have shown up in my list of matches. Which is sad because in an attempt to narrow down my choices the system may actually be excluding a potentially good match. While these relationships didn't last, I most certainly was enriched and learned a lot about life and myself.

There are preferences and then there are deal breakers. I prefer a red head but if you are a compassionate person we could always swing by the pharmacy and get you Clairol Nice 'n Easy 6.5R. But no amount of fiery red hair is going to make me overlook your lack of compassion. Since the things that really matter have to be confirmed IRL anyway, lightening up on the superficial requirements may benefit those doing OLD.

I apologize for my rambling I just wanted to get this in before weezerfan84 shuts this online dating debate down

[MrRational]

Originally Posted by winrunner

I've never done OLD but...

but until you have NONE of this is meaningful.

Except ONE point:
There is no such thing as On Line Dating.

At best it's an opportunity to MEET people you otherwise wouldn't...
and to learn way way (WAY!!) too much about them before you meet.

Try to avoid this happening.
Meet asap. Coffee is cheap.

[winrunner]

Originally Posted by MrRational

but until you have NONE of this is meaningful.

Except ONE point:
There is no such thing as On Line Dating.

At best it's an opportunity to MEET people you otherwise wouldn't...
and to learn way way (WAY!!) too much about them before you meet.

Try to avoid this happening.
Meet asap. Coffee is cheap.

I'm not trying to do OLD. I do fine IRL.

I'm trying to find out if people are pickier IRL or OLD?

Thanks for the reply.

[timberline742]

It isn't about being pickier or not, it is just a different scenario. IRL it is all about instant chemistry for me and then finding out about criteria compatibility. OLD is about some compatibility criteria then checking on chemistry. The rest is the same, more or less, it is just the order.

In many ways I think IRL is trickier / harder to meet good partners as chemistry can mask compatibility issues, so OLD is often more efficient. But both are good to do as IRL challenges our perceptions of what the big issues are to us.

[winrunner]

Originally Posted by timberline742

It isn't about being pickier or not, it is just a different scenario. IRL it is all about instant chemistry for me and then finding out about criteria compatibility. OLD is about some compatibility criteria then checking on chemistry. The rest is the same, more or less, it is just the order.

In many ways I think IRL is trickier / harder to meet good partners as chemistry can mask compatibility issues, so OLD is often more efficient. But both are good to do as IRL challenges our perceptions of what the big issues are to us.

I had to read the bolded part a few times 'cause I was surprised that someone would think IRL is trickier. I place a lot on chemistry and being able to vibe with the person even though I know that it isn't enough and it doesn't make up for all compatibility issues. The only downside that I can see is that we would probably date longer since it may take longer for the issues to surface. Good point.

Thank you.

[intelfan11315]

No i go for the same people, the nice thing about online is that I can search for exactly what I like and I don't have to leave my bed