Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
The phrase "loving oneself" is problematic. The word love has multiple meanings, which leads to all sorts of definitions and interpretations. If you are talking about love in the eros sense, it means one thing, in the ego sense it means something quite different.
And again, self-appreciation is bound to be confused with narcissism and objectivism. The key here is - Don't USE words that don't say what you mean. The psychological term is "self-acceptance." The meaning is much more obvious and less prone to manipulation. The secondary related phrase is "self-worth." That too is less prone to misinterpretation.
It's sometimes complicated. Particularly by people with little insight. Yesterday I watched seven twenty-somethings get drunk on the beach. Males. By the end of the day they were rough-housing which included throwing empty beer cups of sand on each other's head. This is what friends do to have a good time.
When I see that or someone putting themselves down I want to say, "Don't treat my friend that way." It was downright painful to watch.
Yet ask anyone of them if they like themselves and the answer would be, "Yes." Sometimes what people think is self-love can be macho posturing or any number of other things. We all detest seeing someone else puffing themselves up but I'd be more apt to call it a lack of secure self-love.
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others?
It’s a matter of understanding/appreciating your strengths and weaknesses as well as taking physical and emotional care of yourself so that you’re in a good place relative to loving/understanding others as well. You can’t help anyone or accomplish anything if you don’t take care of (or know/accept) yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes
Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
Narcissism, on the other hand, is rooted in selfishness and a fragile ego where the person promotes themselves at the expense of others i.e. rage, blame, ridicule and so on; narcissists lack empathy and are essentially incapable of loving, meaningful relationships or understanding/caring about others. They only care about themselves whereas self-love coexists with empathy, respect for others, and healthy relationships.
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
Personally I believe it's all about forgiving oneself for past mistakes and/or regrets can't change the past but you certainly can change the future...aside from narcissism, I believe self-appreciation is being thankful I'm not being the same person we once were many years ago....can't say I loved my former self, all that much, and believe if I did, wouldn't have made the choices that I made?
the impact of overall well being, makes it so much more comfortable with any interactions with others.
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
The thing about "loving" your former versions of yourself, including those you are not proud of... To me, the healthy thing to be seeking there is more a matter of forgiveness. Forgive the you that made mistakes, because it's too easy to go around bitter and angry at that former you, especially if you're still paying for the previously made mistakes. Not saying to make excuses for yourself, but beating yourself up about something that is in the past and cannot now be changed doesn't serve much purpose. Learn from your former self, in a way that helps your present and future self, but let go any impulse for self-punishment.
For me, this has been tied to forgiving the people who have wronged me in the past, too. Just like my foolish younger self, the harm they caused often was not their intent. Forgiveness isn't about excusing their actions, it's not for their benefit. It's about me finding peace for myself. It's part of processing things.
In my belief and observation... There is genuine and authentic love that one can have for the self, and there is false and performative self love.
Genuine self love manifests in confidence that is not arrogance, in being willing to make reasonable requests of the people who care about you and accept help when it is offered and needed, in not being willing to accept mistreatment by others. In making healthy and responsible choices for self care and lifestyle. Appropriate humility is in fact a sign of self love in my opinion. It means that you don't place unrealistic demands on yourself and you won't melt down if you experience your own imperfections or limitations, because you know you're only human and you're fine with that. You don't have to try hard to convince other people that you're great, you know who you are and you're cool with that person. No need to posture or put on an act.
False and performative self love is what I've seen with some of the more disordered people I've known. The truth is that they really do not have good self esteem, so they've got to go around putting on an exaggerated act of their own greatness because if they cannot get external validation from everyone around them all the time, they feel insecure and rejected and miserable. This kind of person may actually put themselves down in order to fish for reassurances from others at times. They will often manipulate other people and make everything all about themselves. Any threat to the ego is met with outsize anger, because the concept of self is brittle and fragile. Some even punish anyone who tries to love them, because the only way that they can feel sure that the other person does love them and won't abandon them is to make sure they will put up with bad and punishing behavior. When the other person forgives them and does not leave, then they feel safe. They demand "loyalty" from others but have absolutely none to give to anyone. What blows my mind about these individuals is how often I see them fooling so many around them into thinking that they actually are awesome and deserving of admiration. I've never found it hard to see through such posturing but apparently a lot of people do.
A person who has genuine self love, also has a lot of self control. A person whose relationship with themselves is unhealthy, does not try to have self control, but instead seeks to control others.
It is healthy to accept responsibility for past mistakes and then work on learning, growth, grace and forgiveness. Someone with the unhealthy sense of self will have to find a way to cast blame out on someone else, or if they can't and are forced to accept culpability for their own actions, will take it as an attack and only beat themselves up, often then turning it around where they will for instance say, "I'm a monster, I ruin everything" so as to manipulate another person into soothing them. A kind of performative emotional self flagellation exercise.
The kind of disordered and unhealthy people I'm talking about might be considered narcissists, but I've become wary of the label...I think that it's too often applied by people with no clinical credentials in situations where it may not be appropriate. It is enough to say "that other person is harmful to me, so the situation/relationship has to end" without having to make a case for a diagnostic mental health label.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
