Name this Disorder (counselor, therapy, relationship, everything)
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You may not have been able to stay at your preferred accommodations because you probably need to book reservations a year in advance for something like this.
Which I could have done since I knew it was coming!
That's how I roll. I either do nothing at all or do something completely crazy.
I don't actually think it's crazy. But, I might follow Mathjak's lead and find something that is rent stabilized instead of gambling on condo type stuff that is rather out of your control. I also realize you want to stare at the ocean though and I think that is probably high rent.
I used to live very close to the beach in CA. It was a little military town and cheap. I was looking up the apartment we rented there (we probably paid $300-$450 back in 1983). Those apartments are now going for $3,000 to $4,500. Wow! I had a couple of tidal wave dreams while living there (went to sleep to the sound of the waves). I'm more of an earth person and enjoy a territorial view of the trees and valley. I find ocean air wipes me out (turns me into a spineless energy depleted wreck). I'm not sure I would do well living at the coast.
Yes, the term executive function (or lack thereof) has popped into my head a time or two when I ponder this, yet I have been and still am capable of some amazing feats from time to time, so it seems to be intermittent or selective, which wouldn't really be characteristic of that defect. I also suffer from some low-grade chronic anxiety and depression, so that may "cloud my mind." But you'd think, just given the law of averages, some of these fluff-ups would be to my advantage, yet they always harm or damage me in some way. Self-punitive?
One of the traits of executive dysfunction in ADHD is being unable to act unless there's urgency, novelty, or challenge. Perhaps the novelty of the eclipse couldn't override the lack of urgency until the last minute.
Like you write in the OP, I too have many examples of this mindset/behavior that I've lived with and witnessed in my father. It's like an addiction. When he does manage to step into an event, he has a way of downplaying it so that the experience is dulled in some way. But overall, he'd rather he miss it. I think it makes him feel important, as if whatever he "should" be doing or experiencing is beneath him.
My dad is hyper-focused on regret and the coulda, woulda, shouldas so I'm I'm not saying you're exactly like him in your motivation for this, just that I'm pretty sure I know what you mean.
I could cite myriad examples of this, as it happens all too frequently, but today was a classic case.
There was going to be an eclipse; a TOTAL eclipse - a rare event never to recur in my lifetime, most likely. An astronomical event in which I have an interest as I do in all things relating to nature. Totality was going to be available in my very own state, just a few hours away. Furthermore, it was going to be in a location which I've been wanting and meaning to visit for years now, but never have; I've even had accommodations there selected. I'm retired and have a totally flexible schedule; in fact, I had nothing to do today and tomorrow and am bored. I was aware of all of this on some level. Yet I did nothing about it. It wasn't until the event had occurred and the opportunity had passed that it registered with me that I should have gone to see this and enjoyed the destination, and now I'm kicking myself. It's a familiar feeling!
Too often, I can't see what I SHOULD have done until it's too late to do it, and then it's crystal clear. "Regrets, I've had a few" million! Either, as with the eclipse, it just doesn't occur to me in time OR I'm torn by indecision and only after one outcome results do I see that the other would've been preferable. I almost never get it right. This, in turn, makes me even more anxious about making decisions, certain that I'll make the wrong one.
I just call it "stupidity," yet I'm not stupid. It's obvious to me what other people should do in their circumstances, but not myself. It must be a clinical condition of some sort. It feels almost like self-sabotage.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Sounds to me like you are single and things sound like so much fun, but when it's time to go you don't really want to do it by yourself or you make some other excuse. I do the same thing. I'm semi-retired.
I live in Louisiana and a neighboring town does this humongus Christmas light show and festival each year. I always want to go, and plan on going but then it slips up on me and I miss it. I make excuses such as not having enough time, don't want to go by myself, too cold, whatever justification hits me. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and self sabotage is a little over the top as far as diagnosis. I think we're aging, we can't do all that we used to do and we enjoy anticipating not necessarily participating (depending on what it is) ,If that makes sense.
Yes, I do this quite frequently, then kick myself in the ass after missing the event or whatever it was.
Over and over. I’ve always done this.
But no, I don’t think it’s any type of syndrome. We don’t need any more of those.
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