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I have never had a roommate that I wasn’t married to or gave birth to and that was bad enough ). Now at 69 I have lived alone for 3 years. I don’t have to clean up after anyone and my condo stays immaculate. I do have 2 bosses that are 5lb Maltese but they add much joy to my life!!
As others have said - horror stories cause people to figure out ways to go it alone.
I came of age before the internet. My first roommate was fellow employee and she was a horrorshow - ruined my pots, pans, and sofa, refused to clean, moved her boyfriend in without asking (or even telling me in advance) and thought this meant we still paid 1/2 and 1/2 instead of a 3way split, etc. One time I refused to scrub the tub until they did - I caved first, because it is disgusting to try to get clean in a tub that has a black ring around it.
I then paid through the nose to live alone for the next 20 years. I regret that it caused me to keep renting rather than buying for a long, long time, but at least no one ruined my stuff or brought over druggies who stole my stuff.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Having unrelated roommates is financial desperation for most doing it, the only way to afford an apartment or house. Anyone who actually wants to do that and likes it is very unusual. The biggest problem is that one cannot count on the other, there are constant problems with one person leaving and the one left can't afford the rent, arguments over utility bills, who gets which rooms and more.
Roomates impinge severely on both my freedom and anxiety. I can't just relax and be me. It is a state of constant compromise. All of the downside of marriage with none of the upside.
I do agree that it is a good solution for desperate people who are homeless or facing homelessness. As long as you both are sane, stable and drug free, it would be a way to maintain shelter.
It is tough. What if your roomate has a violent temper? What if your roomate keeps different hours and is constantly up and around noisily while you are trying to sleep. What if they want community meals and you don't? What if they use all the hot water for the shower? What if they never do their dishes and hope you do them?
Then there is the challenge of how would you find a compatible roomate to begin with.
This is a great solution to financial insecurity on paper, but much harder to put into practice.
I think roomate situations are much easier for the young but it gets harder as you age. You have either had great fortune or you are just very laid back, easy going and tolerant. The wide variety of roomates you have suggests the latter, unless you have just had crazy good luck.
My husband was roommates with another man for a long time before we met. He is a very chill, go-with-the-flow kind of dude. He made it work because it worked out well for his finances. But some of the things he had to deal with:
1. Roommate failing to pay utility bills repeatedly causing utilities to be shut off.
2. Roommate's alcoholism and tendency to date women who were alcoholics, addicts, strippers, and screaming fights that sometimes escalated to violence and police presence.
3. When Roommate finally settled down and found "The One" they moved out together, leaving my husband there on his own...which was fine, because he worked out a deal with the landlord so that his rent was still very affordable. Had that not been the case (as it's not in many rental properties) husband would have been up a creek until he could find a replacement roommate.
When I got out of my first marriage, I didn't really expect to ever remarry. And practically the entire reason for that thinking, was a whole list of things that I never wanted to live with again. I did not want a slobby person in my home who either expects me to clean up after them without complaint, or says I'm "nagging" or causes me to feel constant stress and disgust of living in filth. No drugs or alcohol. No pets other than my own cat in my home. I never want to be yelled at by anyone I live with ever again for any reason. I'm not comfortable with guns because every time I had someone around me who owned one in my house (parent, ex husband) they never used it to defend the home against outside threats, they pointed it at ME instead, either because they "heard something" in the night but it was me (my Mom) or to feel a sense of power during arguments (my ex.) I also would not tolerate someone who was mentally or financially unstable...no more chaos!
The life I envisioned I could have just fine by myself. But I had little faith of getting my standards met in another person. Well, I got lucky. Only because he is such a good fit in all of those ways and more, did I end up getting married again.
What are the odds of me finding that in a roommate? I know that few of my friends would fit the bill, and those who would want to own their own home and the equity and investment in it for themselves. Strangers who can't afford to live on their own? Well, honestly I think that if you have stable employment and decent credit, in even the moderately high cost of living places (AZ, CO) where I live or soon will live, you CAN afford your own place. If I'm going to let someone into my home that I can't really trust who may very well make my life more stressful, I will just give space to my young adult sons, no need to solicit for a stranger to come ruin my day.
And that is before I even get into possible reasons that someone else might have, to not want to live with ME. I may not innumerate them here but I'm not unrealistic about them.
4 years of roomies in college 55 years ago was enuff for me. If I had to, I'd sell my pert perky rear end if I had to, to pay my own rent. [and at 72, it's a peach] and on the other end? dentures...ignore Peter Schiff, use your head.
Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 03-04-2024 at 11:59 AM..
Serious question. Much of the population is on the verge of serious financial trouble, half the population is one paycheck away from complete ruin, and yet single, childless adults are continuing to insist on living alone. Why?
I've had housemates for 16 years straight, I've had a total of well over 25 housemates, 100% of them complete strangers that I had never met before and very few issues. I have a hard time believing that people are really running into that many issues. What gives?
In my area, you can rent a room or suite big enough to have a private refridgerator, bathroom AND bedroom, and still be paying $10k/year less than the cheapest studio apartment in the same area. You can even have separate leases so you are not financially liable if your housemates do not pay rent. You don't even have to talk to your housemates more than once a year if you don't want to. People are literally paying $10k/year to not have to share a mailbox, laundry room and dishwasher? It isn't as though the cheap studio gives you acoustic isolation either.
I sincerely don't understand what the origin of this cultural coliving-phobia is.
Why do you think that they do? My son, and all my nieces and nephews, have had roommates since the day they moved out. MOST young adults have roommates, until such time as they can afford to live alone.
Humans are feral creatures. I don't like a lot of noise and chaos, and I don't like restrictions on my personal space of any kind or disruptions to my inner peace. When you're living on your own, there is only one problem with which to deal. When you're living with others, the number of problems increases exponentially. It's not just them alone, but their family, friends, friends of friends and on and on it goes. You never know what someone is going to do.
I thought about having a roommate when I was younger and was getting tired of living with my family. But now that I am older, I'm pretty sure I want to live by myself. Unless I had a huge chance of finding another roomate like me....it's just not gonna happen. I like my peace and quiet. I also don't want anyone in my space. People get into relationships, want to invite friends over, and truthfully I think I would be going into basically the same situation I left. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to manage living on my own. I'm responsible and not live above my means.
Roommates make great comedy TV such as Three's Company or Big Bang Theory. But reality is far different.
Truth. I occasionally look at my local Craigslist & Marketplace classifieds for rentals and real estate, just to see what the market's like. I swear I see the same "roommate wanted" or "room for rent" ads posted over and over. Either they're under the table flophouses or the homeowner is psychotic and sends people packing after a couple of months. Why anyone continues to operate a revolving door of housemates is beyond me.
I've seen one that pops up on Craigslist maybe every 3-4 months, offering a room for rent in a basement of an owner-occupied house. One of the amenities includes being near a pond where you can paddle around in a boat or kayak. After eight years of seeing this same ad, I'm convinced that the pond is full of dead bodies...all those roommates that didn't work out.
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). Now at 69 I have lived alone for 3 years. I don’t have to clean up after anyone and my condo stays immaculate. I do have 2 bosses that are 5lb Maltese but they add much joy to my life!!
My son, and all my nieces and nephews, have had roommates since the day they moved out. MOST young adults have roommates, until such time as they can afford to live alone.
