Being a teacher has made me hate/not want kids (passive, counselor)
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I'm going to guess you're teaching middle schoolers? If that's the case, you were surely thrown into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket. I've always said 8th graders are some of the most awful people on the planet. LOL
For what it's worth, OP, substitute teachers don't get a lot of respect...whether they're on the spectrum or not. So maybe you can take a little bit of comfort in the knowledge that it's not ALL you...you've got a rough age group.
I really feel for the OP. It's so sad because, as mentioned above, she does seem to be very intelligent. She is obviously miserable and is in a pretty tight spot. Being so far in student loan debt but bringing in a teacher's salary has got to be terrifying, and it's especially bad when the whole teaching thing isn't working out well...at all.
I also really feel for the kids she teaches. All kids deserve to have good teachers, but kids in a detention facility need the right adults in their life even more. Unlike your average child who goes home to supportive and caring parents at the end of the day, these are kids who already have criminal records and likely have no positive adult role models in their lives. I'm not trying to be mean, but these kids need and deserve more than what the OP is obviously capable of giving them.
OP, maybe you should look into adult education, like teaching GED or adult high school students at a local community college? I also think you probably need some counseling of your own, but as others have said, that's apparently something that you're not willing to look into?
I've heard that before. There was even an article published one time about how people with Asperger's might make bad parents because apparently they can't give their young kids the attention and nurturing they need. I don't believe that for a minute, however, and if I knew what to do and how to do it, don't you think I would? The way I see it is I'm an excellent resource, and the kids just aren't taking advantage of it for superficial reasons. You think I should already know what the disconnect is, but I don't think this is common sense, as everyone else where I work seems to have similar problems, although probably for different reasons; most of my coworkers of much older than me. Also, we aren't counselors. I can hold conversations and attempt to connect with kids, but it's not something I'm used to or really comfortable with, but counseling is also not in my job description.
The way I see it, my issues could be fixed. Each problem needs to be identified and worked on individually, though. No, there's no way for anyone to magically "cure" me, but I don't really think that's what I need anyway. I just need to know what is expected of me and how to do it. Why is that so hard for people to grasp? As it stands, I've had to feel my way through, and I think I've done a pretty good job. No, counselors can't pinpoint every area I need to improve upon. I've gone to counseling, and they really weren't a lot of help.
Most posters are responding to the particular thread....Many of us have no previous knowledge.....although being enlightened is helpful.
OP....Have you ever consulted the rules regarding a medical discharge of your student debt? I would talk to
your counselor, your loan provider or a Disability advocate. You may also want to call 211 and ask how to contact the proper agency to apply for a medical discharge of your student loans. 24/7 online resource assistance for anyone seeking answers and contact info. 2-1-1.org
Thanks. I might look into this, but I barely qualify as disabled. I'm able, but I often just don't know how and finding the answers is really frustrating.
Often, I feel like other people try to decide what I'm thinking or feeling, and they put me in a little box and interact with me based on that. I play along until I get too frustrated, but why did they judge me that way to begin with? Why didn't they try to get to know me like they would anyone else? Why do they consider me unworthy of such treatment?
I'm going to guess you're teaching middle schoolers? If that's the case, you were surely thrown into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket. I've always said 8th graders are some of the most awful people on the planet. LOL
For what it's worth, OP, substitute teachers don't get a lot of respect...whether they're on the spectrum or not. So maybe you can take a little bit of comfort in the knowledge that it's not ALL you...you've got a rough age group.
My classroom can serve grades 4-12, mostly middle school and younger high school-aged children, and I feel like I can relate a little bit. I have gone through situations where I would have felt justified running away from home, and I would have been fuming had I gotten sent to a detention center like this for truancy and been bored to tears by an overly self-conscious teacher and a system that just doesn't seem to care about me. I get it, but I'm just doing my job, and from what I see, I'm really not doing much differently than the others.
Sure, ASD is kind of an issue, because it's like I didn't learn some of the things most people learned when they were young children. I guess this makes me look foolish or stupid to people who don't know me or won't take the time to get to know me. I've viewed myself on video before, and I do look a little weird. I walk with an odd gait, but I don't really know what to do about it. This is just the way things are for me. I also probably don't interact with people the way people normally expect. I have to remind myself to make eye contact, for example. I guess people see that kind of behavior as a little off. Then, there's the OCD tics that I have to deal with. They don't happen all of the time, and sometimes the symptoms aren't present at all, but at other times, it's like I'm trying to have an argument with myself to not do something inappropriate, and I get really scared and feel like I need to hold my breath, bite my tongue, or talk to myself to stop these bad things from being said. Yes, that's a problem, but it really doesn't happen often, thankfully. The OCD is really frustrating, though, because it's like I almost don't have control over my own mind. I'm afraid I'll say inappropriate things, and I get thoughts like this at least several times a week. The counselor went over some techniques with me for reducing the anxiety, but really what helps me the most is just not thinking about it, but sometimes I stay so distracted that I have trouble concentrating on what's going on in the real world. I might laugh when I'm supposed to show sympathy, for instance.
It's just frustrating at times, because everyone feels like they can correct you, instruct you, and pick on you if you don't stay in what they perceive as "your place," whatever that's supposed to mean. You might be really smart, but they aren't going to notice unless they have to. That was my experience as a kid, but I was surprised that it continues to be my experience as an adult, too.
Also, for those of you who just read the title, I don't really hate kids. I'm just finding that my expectations of working with them were very different from reality. I'm also kind of upset that I will probably need to search for a part-time job on top of this. It could always be worse.
I've heard that before. There was even an article published one time about how people with Asperger's might make bad parents because apparently they can't give their young kids the attention and nurturing they need. I don't believe that for a minute, however, and if I knew what to do and how to do it, don't you think I would?
In sure there ARE plenty of people with Asperger's who would make crappy parents and/or dislike being parents...just as there are many neutotypically developing people the same can be said about.
Whether or not patenting suits youabout personality, temperament, goals, and desires...not about whether or not you have a neurological and/or behavioral condition.
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The way I see it is I'm an excellent resource, and the kids just aren't taking advantage of it for superficial reasons.
Maybe you are, maybe you're not, but if you can't connect to them or they you, no kids will use you as a resource. It's one of the down falls off having difficulty establishing rapport.
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You think I should already know what the disconnect is, but I don't think this is common sense, as everyone else where I work seems to have similar problems, although probably for different reasons; most of my coworkers of much older than me. Also, we aren't counselors. I can hold conversations and attempt to connect with kids, but it's not something I'm used to or really comfortable with, but counseling is also not in my job description.
Rapport isn't something that only matters in a counselling sessions.
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The way I see it, my issues could be fixed. Each problem needs to be identified and worked on individually, though. No, there's no way for anyone to magically "cure" me, but I don't really think that's what I need anyway. I just need to know what is expected of me and how to do it. Why is that so hard for people to grasp? As it stands, I've had to feel my way through, and I think I've done a pretty good job. No, counselors can't pinpoint every area I need to improve upon. I've gone to counseling, and they really weren't a lot of help.
One thing I would caution you on is that you seem to fall back a lot on "the way I see it," and you do need to remember that the way you see it, whatever"it" happens to be, is more than likely very different from the way others see it.
Also, for those of you who just read the title, I don't really hate kids. I'm just finding that my expectations of working with them were very different from reality. I'm also kind of upset that I will probably need to search for a part-time job on top of this. It could always be worse.
This is exactly the kind of thing that probably causes you problems in the classroom and interacting with others, actually. There isn't any reason to head a thread with a statement about hating and not wanting kids if that's not true or even the issue at hand. You get in your own way when trying to clearly communicate issues.
It's just frustrating at times, because everyone feels like they can correct you, instruct you, and pick on you if you don't stay in what they perceive as "your place," whatever that's supposed to mean.
That's life, and being trained, supervised, rated, and evaluated. It's just how it works, and you're personalizing it beyond what makes sense.
OP - You didn't mention what grade you're teaching.. I think teaching elementary school children would be more rewarding.
As for having children - I made a conscious decision not to have any and I've have never regretted it.
Also, for those of you who just read the title, I don't really hate kids. I'm just finding that my expectations of working with them were very different from reality. I'm also kind of upset that I will probably need to search for a part-time job on top of this. It could always be worse.
Does the school know you are on the "Autism scale"?
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