Leaving a pet behind... (fish, humans, Florida, man)
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Someone i know, we had worked together and were friendly, moved away to a family home in Mississippi several years before Hurricane Katrina hit. She had a kitty and had had her for many years. When Katrina was coming she left the kitty behind as she said, "her neighbor was driving with her and her husband and was allergic". I was devastated and shocked that she did this and haven't gotten over it or forgiven her.
I had such horrible thoughts about this poor cat being left behind, as i do with any animal left. When she told me I told her what I thought/felt about what she did and she said in a quiet way she understood and there was rationalization about it. She knows what a huge animal person I am. In my mind i said no, there is no rationalizing this.
Whenever I would see her, she would come back to the area to visit her son, it was ALWAYS on my mind. I always felt very angry with her.
Fast forward to now, she has moved back here and wants to be "friends" again and spend time together. I realized i just can't, this lingers and I don't care about her after what she did.
I guess I'm wondering how other people have dealt with this, feelings about such a horrible thing.
I have seen this person a couple of times since she has been back and over that time have realized the anger i have towards her and also realize this is not a friendship I want in my life.
Thanks for any replies.
I don't think this is a good mindset. Not forgiving folks for past decisions and hanging onto anger for years and years can't be good for you. I'm not a psychiatrist and just some random stranger on the other side of a computer screen, but having that much anger over something like this doesn't seem completely rational. Emotions are useful, but not to extremes.
People make a lot of poor decisions in their life, by not being her friend, how can you influence her to make better decisions?
Although, at the time, maybe there were no other decisions possible. It would seem that you'd like to think of yourself as someone who would take better care of their pet, but if one of your cats is in a disaster and you're not able to take the cat away or rescue it from whatever, are you going to die with the cat? Cat on top of a burning barn, you're going to rush in and try to save it and thereby die? Cat in a flood, you're gonna dive in and drown trying to save it? You'd want your friend to risk injury or death in order to save an elderly cat?
What about compassion for what was probably a harrowing experience for her? She may have lost her house, her job, possibly even the cat, and yet years later you're still angry at her for not being able to take the cat with her when she was evacuated. Maybe she has to forgive you for rather a lot to still be willing to be your friend?
I don't think this is a good mindset. Not forgiving folks for past decisions and hanging onto anger for years and years can't be good for you. I'm not a psychiatrist and just some random stranger on the other side of a computer screen, but having that much anger over something like this doesn't seem completely rational. Emotions are useful, but not to extremes.
People make a lot of poor decisions in their life, by not being her friend, how can you influence her to make better decisions?
Although, at the time, maybe there were no other decisions possible. It would seem that you'd like to think of yourself as someone who would take better care of their pet, but if one of your cats is in a disaster and you're not able to take the cat away or rescue it from whatever, are you going to die with the cat? Cat on top of a burning barn, you're going to rush in and try to save it and thereby die? Cat in a flood, you're gonna dive in and drown trying to save it? You'd want your friend to risk injury or death in order to save an elderly cat?
What about compassion for what was probably a harrowing experience for her? She may have lost her house, her job, possibly even the cat, and yet years later you're still angry at her for not being able to take the cat with her when she was evacuated. Maybe she has to forgive you for rather a lot to still be willing to be your friend?
Sorry, this does not compute. Yes, it's emotional, as it is a family member. So, what are you saying... You would just what, turn around, look your pet in the face and say, sorry old chum, and good luck to you? Ugh!
I asked this person questions... yes, she could have fit the cat carrier in the car, yes, she "supposed the neighbor could have taken allergy meds.
I don't hate this person but yes, I can not forgive her. Do I hang on this every day? No, Only when I have encountered her.
When I was a child my family moved to another city. My parents said that because we were staying in a hotel for the first few days, we would have to leave the cat behind.
I can still see that cat sitting on the back porch as we drove off. I could never treat any of my animals like that. We were horse owners for many years and were advised by the various organizations that we belonged to of the importance of having a plan in place for weather emergencies.
If you cannot forgive her for her actions, there is no point in being "friends" It won't work.
We had to evacuate last year, from the camp fire, our cats came along. But I do understand some people were not able to get their pets ( if they had already left for work, people were not allowed back into town, or if an animal was missing, such as an outside cat ). That I understand & forgive, because people had to move fast. What I do not understand is why so many pets are still in shelters from the fire, people are not looking to go & reclaim them, it is so so sad. We evacuated to motels that allowed cats, but most of the shelters seemed to allow dogs, leashed. At least when we went to fill out some paperwork, there was loads of dogs outside. A local horse place, took in large pets & livestock too.
I get so mad at people who leave animals for no good reason. A temporary apartment we lived in, after the fire, had about 100 stray cats, we fed them, ( it was a large complex) the manager said people moved & left them behind. GRRR
I respect that your core value was not so core for this former friend. I encourage you not to forgive the act, forgive at your pace though the person who made that poor decision. Even if she isn't in your heart...she had taken up space on your mind.
I imagine she is going to carry that regret for years..rationalizing it or not...she is very aware of how it impacted her . Stop being her warden ...release her from your values ...that's what this boils down to.
I wish you some level of peace of mind and heart.
I hope the OP’s friend at least had the decency to drop the cat off at a shelter before driving off, not just leaving the cat in the yard to fend for itself. I agree, people who only think of themselves, aren’t worth knowing.
The reason I’d never live in a hurricane prone area is that I might not be able to schlep several horses out and would have to choose to stay with them. Animals are family, it’s what you do.
I hope the OP’s friend at least had the decency to drop the cat off at a shelter before driving off, not just leaving the cat in the yard to fend for itself. I agree, people who only think of themselves, aren’t worth knowing.
The reason I’d never live in a hurricane prone area is that I might not be able to schlep several horses out and would have to choose to stay with them. Animals are family, it’s what you do.
No, she left it in the house, it was a house cat. She consciously did this.
I don't blame you; I wouldn't want to associate with somebody like that either. I wouldn't abandon my pets...ever. Thankfully, I have plans if I ever have to evacuate due to a hurricane, flooding, etc. and my pets are part of the plan. My rabbit and guinea pigs are my family.
I wouldn't hesitate to do anything for my pets. They cannot fend for themselves given they are little guys who wouldn't last very long on their own. I don't have any kids to raise and so I would go out on a limb for them. Leaving them or giving them up is never an option for me. Ever. Then again, those who know me are not surprised.
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