Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi, posting this to see if others have had a similar experience. My recently turned 3 year old has been having some anxiety challenges and will try to control things. This includes needing either parent near her so she can have a hand on one of us while cleaning up her toys, or wanting hugs in a particular area of her choosing. Sometimes I will let her know that I am using the bathroom so that she can give a quick hug. While I want to be able to give her those moments of safety and feeling secure because it's what she seems to need, I end up feeling guilty because I don't know whether this is helping or creating more levels of anxiety. I do try and let her know that she is safe and add language to develop more regulatory or coping skills, but not sure what else I can do.
She is developing along typical milestones and has well developed speech. It feels like some of these behaviors are another form of trying to regulate her emotions. Looking for any tips or strategies that others may have used that they found helpful.
Just a thought --- Does your daughter spend any time in a day care or with a sitter? If so, perhaps it's a situation where things aren't going well for her while there.
Does she have enough vocabulary where you could ask her what is bothering her? Just be sure you don't ask leading questions.
DD was an envelope-pusher and a emotional manipulator from early on. DW and I identified it and let her know gently but firmly where the bounds of her world were.
It's hard to say from a one-paragraph description, but look for signs that your child is trying to establish control or find boundaries. DD was VERY good at playing on emotions or picking up on subtle cues in order to either push buttons, get what she wanted, or just get a reaction. It started around 3 and continued until present day.
She may have noticed that clinging to mommy/daddy got approval or made you more likely to say "yes" to certain things. She may be seeing just how far she can push that lever to see if it remains effective.
She may have anxiety issues, and--as another poster mentioned--you should explore any possible sources.
If your daughter is a little boundary-pusher like ours, I can report that around 8 years old she settled down and seemed to become more accepting of her place and role in the family. She is also VERY empathetic and usually uses her powers of emotional "manipulation" for good rather than evil.
Does your daughter have siblings? I'm wondering if she's the oldest, and just wanting to make sure her parents still thinks she's important, and can still count on your love and affection.
That's just the first thing that popped in my head, and of course, can be completely off base here. lol
Thank you for your response! No siblings, she's an only child, but we definetly try and stay aware of any life changes that might bring on different responses.
Just a thought --- Does your daughter spend any time in a day care or with a sitter? If so, perhaps it's a situation where things aren't going well for her while there.
Does she have enough vocabulary where you could ask her what is bothering her? Just be sure you don't ask leading questions.
She is in daycare but it's a short morning program only a few days a week. The behaviors started a few months after but could be related, I know sometimes things can take time to settle in and not develop right away. Her vocabulary and language is developed enough in that sense but it might be hard for her to know exactly what's bothering her to bring on those behaviors and I want to be careful about adding an inference and leading her down a path to something that might not be bothering her. I'm continuing to explore though!
I wonder if it would help if you could 'create' experiences where she and you (parents)would be able to allow her to safely explore her expanding world.
Examples like going to the park, and allowing her to climb and explore the monkey bars, or maybe even just walking around the block, or going with her to take her trike someplace new. Or maybe in the kitchen, allowing her to practice pouring liquids, filling cupcake cups...adding the eggs to a cake mix...really anything that would develop skills I guess.
My theory being, maybe as she safely navigates her world it'll increase her confidence, and her anxiety will get better.
DD was an envelope-pusher and a emotional manipulator from early on. DW and I identified it and let her know gently but firmly where the bounds of her world were.
It's hard to say from a one-paragraph description, but look for signs that your child is trying to establish control or find boundaries. DD was VERY good at playing on emotions or picking up on subtle cues in order to either push buttons, get what she wanted, or just get a reaction. It started around 3 and continued until present day.
She may have noticed that clinging to mommy/daddy got approval or made you more likely to say "yes" to certain things. She may be seeing just how far she can push that lever to see if it remains effective.
She may have anxiety issues, and--as another poster mentioned--you should explore any possible sources.
If your daughter is a little boundary-pusher like ours, I can report that around 8 years old she settled down and seemed to become more accepting of her place and role in the family. She is also VERY empathetic and usually uses her powers of emotional "manipulation" for good rather than evil.
Our DD is for sure an envelope pusher and we try our best to stay consistent with boundaries. Even then she is trying to get a little more out of those exchanges. One example is when it's time to clean up her books she is reading and looking through, it's "just one more page", or one more time of something else. Avoiding power struggles can be difficult at times, so we try and approach it in a way that values her need for autonomy but still keeps those boundaries intact. Our daughter is very empathetic as well so I hope she will do the same and use her powers mostly for good. I really appreciate your perspective and response!
She’s 3. She may just be now realizing that she is an individual person not a part of mom and dad. She reaches to you for security. If she is needing to touch or hug when it isn’t appropriate tell her you two will double up a the kisses she missed at bedtime. Do you have any pets? Sometimes a dog or cat can be a kids best friend.
Look into teaching her self-soothing skills - things she can do herself to calm herself down - like grab a special blankie, take a nap, play some nursery rhyme music that she likes, play a game on a tablet, look at books, etc.
Try to encourage independence - teach her that everyone needs private time (including you), and how to express big feelings and emotions, and also that emotions are transitory.
Teach her deep breathing skills to calm her nervous system down when needed (breathe in slowly through the nose, and exhale slowly through the mouth). You could also teach her EFT.
I personally would not cater to her insecurities by telling her every time you go to the bathroom - instead I would just say something like "sometimes mommy takes a shower, goes to the bathroom, goes outside for a minute, etc., and you are always safe." I wouldn't make it any kind of big deal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I really appreciate your perspective and response!
