Dealing with Discipline Does Anyone Still Believe In Spanking (childcare, legal, teaching)
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No to spanking. It is just the parental frustration being expressed. It doesn’t teach the child. I used time out. The best approach is to intervene quickly and not let the behavior escalate until you are at your wit’s end. No idle threats of punishment. Stick to what you say in terms of consequences. Give your kids a chance to comply, but don’t get into negotiations with them. You are the parent. I agree with the prior post that kids need and want boundaries. Oh, yes, they will test those boundaries. That is normal. That is when you quickly draw the line and reinforce your expectations.
I made so many mistakes with my kids. Somehow, they survived and succeeded.
When my kids were toddlers, a quick pat on their rear ends emphasized my rules. More of quick slap and less of a beating. It had to be for serious matters - running into a busy street in Queens, NYC, snapping an old fashioned mercury thermometer in half (it took me an hour to collect all the beads of mercury), biting their siblings, etc. It had to be for something big. I stopped by kindergarten.
My kids were less traumatized by a quick slap than a timeout. Those timeouts were traumatic and resulted in more tears than anything else.
I also believed when bad day was over, the next day was a new beginning. I never carried over anger and never used the silent treatment.
For years, there was a theory that yelling/screaming at kids was emotionally abusive. Then the social scientists went to Italy, where moms screamed all the time to prove their theory. Well, turns out that Italian mothers screaming/yelling at their kids had no negative emotional affects. It was a cultural behavior and the kids knew their mothers loved them. Scientists learned that the context of yelling/screaming matters. I wish I could post the original study so its gone from the web. Now the web is full of stories about the damage of the silent treatment - which I fully believe.
You have an added problem as spanking is out - if your kids' school does not approve of your discipline methods, they will call social services. They will remove your kids from your home. It doesn't matter what a chat group on the internet says, it's a local matter. Some teachers and schools are more aggressive than others. It adds more pressure to your life, but you have to protect yourself and your kids by not spanking.
Being a single parent, making everything harder and more stressful. In many ways, you are in a no-win situation. Without a spouse, you don't have someone to put it in perspective. My husband travel a lot so at the end of the workweek, I was on my hands and knees waiting for him to take over so I had two minutes of free time. You don't even have that two minutes of freedom.
My advice: stay away from all social media - TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, etc. You can look at it, but don't post. People tend to put up an imagine of their lives which isn't real. Actually much of Facebook is used to coverup unhappiness with perfect shots and posts. The more unhappy my relatives are, the more perfect their social media posts are.
Last edited by YorktownGal; 09-03-2023 at 08:58 AM..
There is a HUGE difference between spanking a child, and beating them. There are times when other disciplinary measures have completely failed, a child is out of control, and a parent needs to get their attention. A mild spank has the ability to do that, when something like a timeout doesn’t.
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
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One does not have to be religious or aspire to any particular religion, to learn from the wisdoms put forth in this book.
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When they child reaches the age where spanking ceases, then the discipline has to be to restrict that Childs liberties until that child learns the responsibility of having liberties.
Hello with school going back and all is anyone else on occasion overwhelmed by varying behavior issues from the children? My son is 8 and daughter 10. Single mom so sometimes it can be stressful would love to hear from other parents who relate to the feelings to share experiences and ideas and general friendship, as some
days I feel kind of alone in the struggle.
I try to raise them with a mix of old fashioned and modern, but I certainly use the strict but fair methods of the past in many was for our home, it works for us, no judgment on others who may or may not believe in spanking.
But if you do, I could use the support.
My kids are nearing their 40's now and yes we did spank them occasionally. Not too long ago I apologized to the one for that and his response - We knew not to do it again - there's nothing to apologize for."
If my kids talked back - they got their mouths washed out with soap - and they are the ones who did it willingly as they knew I'd put a lot more soap in than they would. It would be great if we never had to discipline our kids but unfortunately that's not the case.
Because of a lack of disciplining we have kids now who are out of control. A few yrs back there was a woman ahead of me in the checkout line with 3 children. Two were being OK but the one in the cart who had to be 4/5 kept grabbing candy from the side racks and throwing a fit. Mom is trying to be calm and bribing her and then threatening she wasn't going camping with them - nothing worked. The cashier was frustrated from the screaming - I was frustrated from the screaming but when this brat hauled off and slapped her mom across the face - that did it. I told her never slap her mother again - she was so taken aback - she settled right down and mom was finally able to pay for the groceries and leave. The mother never said a word to me but the cashier thanked me.
Had that been my kid - I would have left the grocery cart where it stood and hauled their butt right out to the car and yes - they probably would have gotten a tap on their little butt and then off to bed.
Hello with school going back and all is anyone else on occasion overwhelmed by varying behavior issues from the children? My son is 8 and daughter 10. Single mom so sometimes it can be stressful would love to hear from other parents who relate to the feelings to share experiences and ideas and general friendship, as some
days I feel kind of alone in the struggle.
I try to raise them with a mix of old fashioned and modern, but I certainly use the strict but fair methods of the past in many was for our home, it works for us, no judgment on others who may or may not believe in spanking.
But if you do, I could use the support.
Alot of people still do. My Caribbean family does and every other minority I was raised with from Asians to Black Americans and Hispanics. People are surprised to hear this but even in some liberal countries like Canada and France, the statistic was over 70% of households practiced corporeal punishment. It's "banned" on the books but people still do it.
Absolutely not. Adults hitting children is cruel and unnecessary.
My nephew's wife hits her children, both of the children have told me they "don't want to go home bc mommy hits us."
Breaks my heart.
Can't do a thing about it, I'm not even grandma.
I think some people don't grasp the different between 'spanking and beating' - no one should beat their child.
We had to go and get our own switch,(not a limb, but a switch! when we were going to be spanked. We did not hate or dislike our parents, we already knew we had did something that was not right... So, we got a spanking with a switch.
We knew not to do it again, because we did not want the spanking.
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