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Maybe your teaching style just doesn't work for him? Has your wife tried to teach him anything and if so how has that gone? Like maybe baking cookies together to learn about measuring things or maybe she can try to teach him chess or checkers or a card game like Fish just to see how he responds to her teaching style?
When I was younger I had a harder time learning things from my dad than my mom, because he was very much a cut and dried explanation of the rules kind of guy. My mom was much more hands on, a 'let me show you' or 'lets do it together' type. I was more afraid of not getting it 'right' in front of my dad than I was with my mom.
Why do you feel you need to be his teacher for everything?
Seems he is a 'my way or the highway' kind of guy.
On another thread about behavior on public transportation, he posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by koctail
For some reason I feel it is my duty to "teach people a lesson". How will anything change if everyone just remains quiet all the time? Of course , one has to pick your battles. But just letting people behave badly around me doesn't sit well.
I agrree that maybe the son would be better off with guidance from the mother.
Most recently it was Pokemon videos, specifically a guy called PokeRev on YouTube. But seems he has lost interest in that. Now he's watching some channel called "Ninja Kids".
He's already part of a soccer team and does taekwondo.
I guess I struggle with why I should not be his teacher for other stuff?
Isn't he a little young for everything you're trying to teach him? Basketball, for a 7-year-old? Really? At 7 schoolkids used to play simpler games at recess, like dodgeball, tetherball, tag, kickball. I can't imagine a 7-year-old kid on an organized team already, but if he's enjoying soccer and taekwondo, why aren't you happy with that, dad?
Why push him to do more? He's learning plenty of coordination through those activities, plus he's learning to be part of a team. Have you tried simple bonding activities, like easy hikes in nature, where you could share nature lore with him (if you're a nature lore guy), point out animal tracks, identify bird species, point out edible plants, and just relax and hang out with the kid? Let him get comfortable with you and share his thoughts with you? Low-key activity? That's worthwhile, too.
Or how about turning him onto music; take him to free concerts in the park, now that it's summer. Maybe you could ride bikes together to the park. Another low-key activity that offers an opportunity to bond.
If you make hanging out with you seem like a chore, it could push him away instead of bringing him closer to you.
Quote:
I am highly disciplined and obsessive about learning.
That sounds a bit intense for 7 years old. He's too small to be highly disciplined. And "obsessive" about learning? You're expecting way too much at this age.
Maybe the person who's supposed to be learning in this equation is you. Learning to be less obsessive, and more relaxed. He's only 7! He only just finished first grade. What were you like, when you were in first grade--do you remember?
Isn't he a little young for everything you're trying to teach him? Basketball, for a 7-year-old? Really? At 7 schoolkids used to play simpler games at recess, like dodgeball, tetherball, tag, kickball. I can't imagine a 7-year-old kid on an organized team already, but if he's enjoying soccer and taekwondo, why aren't you happy with that, dad?
Why push him to do more? He's learning plenty of coordination through those activities, plus he's learning to be part of a team. Have you tried simple bonding activities, like easy hikes in nature, where you could share nature lore with him (if you're a nature lore guy), point out animal tracks, identify bird species, point out edible plants, and just relax and hang out with the kid? Let him get comfortable with you and share his thoughts with you? Low-key activity? That's worthwhile, too.
Or how about turning him onto music; take him to free concerts in the park, now that it's summer. Maybe you could ride bikes together to the park. Another low-key activity that offers an opportunity to bond.
If you make hanging out with you seem like a chore, it could push him away instead of bringing him closer to you.
That sounds a bit intense for 7 years old. He's too small to be highly disciplined. And "obsessive" about learning? You're expecting way too much at this age.
Maybe the person who's supposed to be learning in this equation is you. Learning to be less obsessive, and more relaxed. He's only 7! He only just finished first grade. What were you like, when you were in first grade--do you remember?
OP, this is a great post. Take a step back and go with simple, relaxed nonperformance activities. Nothing competitive.
How do you feel when you're trying to teach him? If you're not enjoying yourself, he certainly won't be.
Maybe your focus shouldn't be on teaching him things, but rather on providing him interesting experiences. You can go do things together, including things that interest you, but take the focus off of him having to learn something and you having to teach something, and put the focus instead on doing things together and having experiences. He WILL learn, but sometimes if that is the overt objective, it makes it less desirable to kids.
You could also flip the switch and ask him to teach you about something that interests him. Can he, for example, teach you how to play Pokemon?
You can focus on learning about who your kid is by pursuing a variety of experiences and conversations, and your kid will learn through the experience. Also, realize your child is young. My dad had a lot of hobbies and interests and some of them I didn't come to appreciate and want to know more about until I was older. But I also found some hobbies that were uniquely mine (in the family), as well.
Teaching should be fun, and it sounds like maybe your version of teaching is more like bootcamp.
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Just from this thread I can tell I wouldn't want to learn anything from OP, either. If he doesn't ease up his son will automatically not want to do any activities with him.
Does the son have any friends? What do they like to do? By all means, limit screen time. Being bored is also not the worst thing for a kid. That's when they can use their imaginations, assuming the parents don't give in to the "I'm bored" whine and try to fill every minute.
I would have him (and you) take the Myers-Briggs Inventory. I am an INTJ, and gave my kids my treasured toys and amazing book and record collections and they had zero interest in any of it.
Turns out we are "not compatible" in terms of what we value.
I am a dilettante and my kids have little intellectual interest in anything - just not the way they are wired (they are super talented in other ways that I am no good at!).
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Hm.
When I saw:
"I do my best to make it fun and not get upset when me makes mistakes."
There is a whole world of communication in that line. Meaning, it's not fun, and you get upset when he makes mistakes.
Can you just play with him? Go hiking, just to be together? Let him play with your drums?
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