Daughter's friend texts her at home but won't talk to her at school (girls, appropriate)
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I'm not sure if this is the most appropriate forum for this issue but I'm starting here. My daughter goes to a small school and near the end of the school year last year she had 2 best friends at school that she hung out with all the time during recess. She kept in communication with them (through texting) over the summer and I organized a "hangout session" (not calling it a "play date") that the 3 of them attended right before school started. One of the girls is sadly going to a different school this year, but my daughter was excited about still getting to hang out with the other girl at school. However, ever since school started 2 weeks ago my daughter's "friend" that still goes to her school has barely spoken with my daughter at school and has chosen to instead hang out with another (more popular) friend group. However, this "friend" still texts back and forth with my daughter a few times a week during the evenings. It is like she doesn't want to be seen hanging out with my daughter around those other girls but wants to still chat with her privately. What, if anything, should I do about this as a mom?
Have a casual conversation with your daughter, to see how SHE feels about it. Maybe start the conversation like..."Hey, why don't you see if ____ wants to come over this weekend? Maybe catch that movie at the mall, and then grab some lunch?" (Or whatever seems more plausible to you.) If she seems enthusiastic, I'd say it's all good. If she seems unhappy, or like it's a problem, or she says something like "I don't think she'll want to..." then maybe pry a little more, to see how your daughter feels about it.
Unfortunately, this kind of stuff happens with kids this age a LOT. Seems like, to me, especially with girls. If she's sad, express your sympathy, but let her know it DOES happen a lot. Encourage her to make new friends, and stay her sweet self, and encourage her to be kind, etc.
Have a casual conversation with your daughter, to see how SHE feels about it. Maybe start the conversation like..."Hey, why don't you see if ____ wants to come over this weekend? Maybe catch that movie at the mall, and then grab some lunch?" (Or whatever seems more plausible to you.) If she seems enthusiastic, I'd say it's all good. If she seems unhappy, or like it's a problem, or she says something like "I don't think she'll want to..." then maybe pry a little more, to see how your daughter feels about it.
Unfortunately, this kind of stuff happens with kids this age a LOT. Seems like, to me, especially with girls. If she's sad, express your sympathy, but let her know it DOES happen a lot. Encourage her to make new friends, and stay her sweet self, and encourage her to be kind, etc.
Thanks SnazzyB. She and I have discussed it a few times. She isn't happy that her "friend" doesn't talk to her or hang out with her at school and since she's still working on making other friends, sometimes she's alone during recess while her "friend" hangs out with other girls nearby (that my daughter hasn't been invited to hang out with, and they don't seem to want her to hang out with them). But she seems happy that her "friend" is still texting her. She wants to hold onto the friendship even though I personally don't think the girl is really being a friend and I don't like what she's doing to my daughter.
Thanks SnazzyB. She and I have discussed it a few times. She isn't happy that her "friend" doesn't talk to her or hang out with her at school and since she's still working on making other friends, sometimes she's alone during recess while her "friend" hangs out with other girls nearby (that my daughter hasn't been invited to hang out with, and they don't seem to want her to hang out with them). But she seems happy that her "friend" is still texting her. She wants to hold onto the friendship even though I personally don't think the girl is really being a friend and I don't like what she's doing to my daughter.
I think you're right. Girls can be very mean to each other. Especially when hormones rear they're ugly head.
Try to keep your communication with your daughter through all this. It may NOT be easy, but it's worth it.
Keep encouraging your daughter to engage with other kids and let her know that friend A is trying new stuff, figuring it all out and to just give it some time. I would acknowledge to your daughter that A's behavior is hurtful and if it turns out that she isn't interested in being the type of friend your daughter wants, there are plenty who will want to be. Unfortunately, this is life and people will hurt our kids feelings WAY too many times for our liking, but just being there and listening helps.
What about the bestie who's going to a different school now? Can they see each other on the weekends? Your daughter should be encouraged to keep the good friend/s she's had in the recent past, while also trying to develop new friendships. She can have a social life that's apart from the kids at school, as well as having some school friends.
I wonder if her bestie at the other school misses her.
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