How high is the snob factor/keeping up with the Joneses in NOVA? (Reston: rent, houses)

[arielmina]

Originally Posted by cdmurphy

I think most people are too busy just trying to live and enjoy their own lives to worry about what others are or are not doing with their money. It's rather self-centered to think that other people are thinking about you all the time, even in a negative way.

This is bang on...I couldn't care less what anyone else is doing, too busy worrying about my own life. I honestly think though that this is something that has developed in my old age As a teen growing up in a wealthy town and being one of the solidly middle class kids, I was very very focused on having the "right" outfits, the "right" haircut, car, purse blah blah. So many of the comments we get on this "snobish" behavior do some from the younger set on this board, which I think are still kind of in this mind set that they are being continually judged, as they must also do to others. Trust me folks, as you age, in normal society these things just fall by the wayside.

[Cagirl767]

Thank you all, young and older, for the replies. It's all very helpful.

Yankeesfan - thanks for the boundary map and school district website, that's very helpful!
Twinmma - That's exactly why we'd like to relocate, to provide every opportunity for our kids.
Arielmina - LOL, I'm glad to hear Kohl's is on the approved list, but it does seem in keeping with the educational level there that things are kept in perspective. Thanks for the vantage point of Leesburg and west, I'll be checking in that direction. Realtor.com, here I come!

Unfortunately, attitudes don't fall by the wayside always, when you're older. When your kids are being excluded from playdates and parties and ridiculed for learning (even from DS' preschool teacher), I feel responsible for getting them out of this situation and finding somewhere where things are kept in relative perspective, i.e. where we'd all fit in better, DH and I included.

[ggcjbw]

While I personally agree with the above sentiments, let's not forget that the OP wants to keep her young kids from becoming "very very focused" on having all of the right things. OP, I think it's safe to say that you'll find all kinds here. Also, as far as the actual dollars and cents are concerned, I think it's all relative. Around here, everyone makes a decent salary so an amount considered quite high in one part of the country is seen as downright middle-class around here (and actually is due to our high cost of living). People usually act accordingly.

[dod236]

WOW! This is the best post ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by cdmurphy

I've noticed here in the Ashburn area that there's almost a reverse obsession with getting deals. Like, yeah, people want the $800-retail stroller because it's nice, but they don't want to pay that much, so they vigorously compete with others for the available used inventory at consignment sales, yard sales, Craigslist, etc., and then boast about how little they paid. People join Moms of Multiples and MOPS just to get the early-day shopping privilege at their sales. Loaners circulate through the neighborhood too - we loaned our infants seats and double stroller to a neighbor with twins; another neighbor loaned us a bouncer; etc. Instead of one-upmanship, there's a lot of community effort. There might be some people who absolutely must have brand-new designer goods for their kids, but most parents I know seem to see that as ridiculous (especially when you can often get the same brand-new designer goods at consignment sales or from eBay).

I'm really sensitive to this issue of snobbery because I grew up really poor and I went to private school on scholarship (I did high-school-based work-study, and had a job after school). I was also probably one of the poorest kids at Georgetown, and one of the few to have ever lived in a trailer park. I learned early on how to not give a darn about what clothes or goodies other people have, because I wasn't going to get them. Now that I have the money to get them, I know that there are other things I'd rather do with my money (like travel, or retirement, or my kids' 529s). We have two Hyundais (one of them is paid off!), and I don't feel like any of my neighbors is judging us for it. If they are, so what? I think most people are too busy just trying to live and enjoy their own lives to worry about what others are or are not doing with their money. It's rather self-centered to think that other people are thinking about you all the time, even in a negative way.

[dod236]

Originally Posted by Cagirl767

Unfortunately, attitudes don't fall by the wayside always, when you're older. When your kids are being excluded from playdates and parties and ridiculed for learning (even from DS' preschool teacher), I feel responsible for getting them out of this situation and finding somewhere where things are kept in relative perspective, i.e. where we'd all fit in better, DH and I included.

This sounds very serious. I thought preschool teachers were suppsoed to encourage kids wow! I applaud you for looking out for the best for your kids!

[arielmina]

Originally Posted by Cagirl767

Thank you all, young and older, for the replies. It's all very helpful.

Yankeesfan - thanks for the boundary map and school district website, that's very helpful!
Twinmma - That's exactly why we'd like to relocate, to provide every opportunity for our kids.
Arielmina - LOL, I'm glad to hear Kohl's is on the approved list, but it does seem in keeping with the educational level there that things are kept in perspective. Thanks for the vantage point of Leesburg and west, I'll be checking in that direction. Realtor.com, here I come!

Unfortunately, attitudes don't fall by the wayside always, when you're older. When your kids are being excluded from playdates and parties and ridiculed for learning (even from DS' preschool teacher), I feel responsible for getting them out of this situation and finding somewhere where things are kept in relative perspective, i.e. where we'd all fit in better, DH and I included.

That certainly doesn't sound like a situation I'd want my children to deal with either. I have two first graders here in VA (twins) and i could not be happier with the school they're in, the parents and the community as a whole. Very impressive. And this was after moving from another great town in CT, mid school year. It was very tough for my kids but boy they were welcomed with open arms and absolutely love it. But again, that's where we live. NoVA is a huge and diverse area.

My question to you is where do you need to live, for work or otherwise? if you have alot of flexibility, you can certainly find a community that you will love. I do believe the closer you get to DC, the faster paced, more expensive and then probably more "keeping up the Jones".

[Alicia Bradley]

Hmm... most of the people in NoVA look like apathetic, slobby bureaucrats (I'm an oft-slobby bureaucrat, so I can say this ). Maybe they're apathetic, slobby bureaucrats in expensive cars - I wouldn't know, since I don't really look at cars. (You were asking about 'snobby,' right, and not 'slobby?') You don't see nearly as many fashionable middle-aged and older people going out to dinner, etc. (even in the DC proper) as you would in other large U.S. cities - or, heck, even wealthy suburban areas of other large U.S. cities. I really, really, really don't get the constant accusations of "snobbery" launched at NoVAns. I have a theory that NoVA's reputation for such has more to do with blatantly erroneous (relatively to other large metro areas) stereotypes based on its objectively very high 'wealth' than a large amount of empirical evidence. So - for instance - if someone moves here from a much smaller city/town, or once that's significantly more 'blue-collar' (say, Scranton, PA or Hampton Roads, VA), they bring along an enormous confirmation bias. (The same phenomenon holds true in the other direction, too: for instance, if someone has to move to a teeny, tiny town in a state they have irrational negative prejudice towards, they'll take all the typical small-town stuff they end up not liking about the town as confirmation that the entire state is 'lame.')

Oh, and michdc, speaking of Kansas - what's hilarious is that you'll see lots of threads very similar to this one about places like Johnson County (or 'JoCo'), Leawood, etc. in the Kansas subforum. Interestingly, though, people rarely move to those places expecting them to be snobby, but they do complain heavily of same once they've lived there awhile. (I know, I know, you said 'small town,' but I think very small towns - with the exception of bedroom communities of larger cities, or those that also function as at least semi-tourist destinations - have quite a bit in common across the U.S.)

[Denton56]

Originally Posted by Alanboy395

I have no kids and surely never want any. I went to T.C. Williams HS for 2 years and saw the high materialism here firsthand. I also worked retail so I saw how much people put into posessions. I didn't even talk to any of my neighbors (and they returned the favor.) So I know nothing about or don't care about how many SAHMs there were.

You call six years brief? If I was in the military I'd be starting a third PCS since when you are military it's basically 3 years and you are out.

Stop disrespecting me because I'm probably 1/3 of your age.

You worked in a store where people bought things so you assume that everyone else was doing the same thing and because they bought things that means they cared deeply about possessions.

If you were still in the military you'd be starting your third PCS. But you are not in the military. Ok. Not sure what that means.

You never even spoke with your neighbors and you have no idea how many were SAHMs. My point exactly!

[Denton56]

Originally Posted by Cagirl767

Thank you all, young and older, for the replies. It's all very helpful.

Yankeesfan - thanks for the boundary map and school district website, that's very helpful!
Twinmma - That's exactly why we'd like to relocate, to provide every opportunity for our kids.
Arielmina - LOL, I'm glad to hear Kohl's is on the approved list, but it does seem in keeping with the educational level there that things are kept in perspective. Thanks for the vantage point of Leesburg and west, I'll be checking in that direction. Realtor.com, here I come!

Unfortunately, attitudes don't fall by the wayside always, when you're older. When your kids are being excluded from playdates and parties and ridiculed for learning (even from DS' preschool teacher), I feel responsible for getting them out of this situation and finding somewhere where things are kept in relative perspective, i.e. where we'd all fit in better, DH and I included.

You will not find that kids here are ridiculed for learning. Parents here are well educated and care deeply about education. Kids are highly encouraged (some say overly so) to learn. We have a large population of Asian children who work very hard in school and out of school at Kuman math, Chinese and Korean schools, and summer programs through Johns Hopkins. If your daughter wants to learn, this is the area for it!

[Moonwalkr]

When a lot of people make a good salary in an area, there's generally no need to pretend to have money. Also the pace of life in DC was insane, there just wasn't enough time for me to spend money when I was living there.