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It's called emotional abuse, and if they find out it works, they will keep using it until you put your foot down.
My mother was so good at emotional abuse. She kept me so down all the time I didn't even think I was a good person. Believe me, it is a control issue, and the money shot just cements it.
You are just going to have to put up a very brave front and continue with your plans. Once you 'get out from her thumb' you will see things in a much different light and will grow strong enough to handle her onslaught.
Yes, you do love her, but that does not mean that she has the right to use that love to control you. Stand firm and ask for help from your hubby, I am sure he can see what is going on.
Yes, it will be rough at first, but trust me, it does get better and once she sees she has no hold on you anymore, you can learn to forgive and then begin to work on a good relationship with your Mom.
I have a better relationship with my Mom than ever before, but now she respects who I am and does not try to run my life. It was hard to get to this point, and I thought I might have lost any hope of any relationship with her, but thank God for blessing us both with a much better one.
ahhh, Thank you Thank you Thank you!
Your post helped me so much!
Yes it IS emotional abuse, and this has been going on since I was a child.
My mom is still very upset that I am moving, I saw her the other day and she looked terrible, very haggard.
She is making me feel horrible for leaving her, but I know in my heart that I really MUST move. It is the RIGHT thing to do now.
And hopefully like you said, we can have a better relationship later.
But I need all the bravery that I can get for these last few weeks!
Glad I could be of help to you. I know what I said was kind of harsh, but I have been through it and know how you feel. You deserve to be able to make your own choices with YOUR family now, and she needs to understand that, as well as get over her fear of abandandment. I wish you well with this journey, and if she is like my mom, the guilt trip will be horrid. But once she sees this will not work, she will start to see you in a new light. After the anger mood passes.
Maybe you can arrange for discounted pricing at a nearby hotel. Then you can explain to your mother (when the situation arises) that this hotel was kind enough to offer a special price only for her. That way, she is paying for the hotel and probably won't want to run up too much of a bill and will cut her stay down to a manageable time frame.
Hi again! In my other thread a question was brought up about my mom coming to visit as a snowbird once we get moved.
Sundance thinks that would be a bad idea.
What do you all think??
For those that did not read the other thread...
Please read the Need Advice! My Mom! thread lol. (too much to type here)
My MOm said that she would like to come down and stay with us for maybe a couple of months, maybe 3 months, not sure, during the winter after we move.
I will admit that I have been worried about how that will all work out, because she is really impossible to live with.
And with all these other issues that I have with her, I am not sure if it would be very good idea or not!
And how on earth will I tell her No????
Jen
If she is impossible to live with than don't invite her to stay for three months! What do you mean, how do you tell her? The same way she asks you! Just say no....
Another thing: the closer the time gets to your departure date, be prepared for some major DRAMA.
I don't think she will let you go without some sort of demonstration of how ghastly this whole thing is...she may have a "spell" and drive herself to the ER the night before you're to leave.
In fact....I just got a great idea!
If your departure date is (for instance) August 10, maybe you should tell her it's August 20th - that way, she can't stage a last-minute rebellion and thwrart your trip! Just go ahead and safely leave, then when you get there, call and tell her that you got word you were needed there early for "X,Y,orZ."
Granted; a bit sneaky, but at least you could head off the drama!
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Kewl!!
