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I'm one of 6 bridesmaids in a friend's wedding. Every other wedding experience I've had was positive, but from the get go, there were uneasy things I noticed about this situation.
1. The bride seemed to favor three of the bridesmaids, sharing wedding details with them and not the rest of us. The bride barely spoke to us during her year engagement. They even got bridesmaid dress details before us and called dibs on styles before we got the chance. Instead of having group conversations- we had a group chat, the bride would talk to them only. One of the three girls would then always post in the chat "the bride says xyz" and "we decided to do this" - meaning they decided, the bride and the favorites. We had no conversation or say really. It was very awkward and I felt I was dealing with high school girls in a clique. We are 30 year olds. I didn't know anyone but the bride, so I was hoping she'd be more present.
2. When I would ask the bride questions such as schedule, times, outfits, etc. she responded extremely vaguely every time. She seemed annoyed like you were pestering her. She'd always say "I don't know," or pawn me off on the MOH. But the MOH never knew either. No one knew. I found the bride didn't want to be bothered and made it so the favorite bridesmaids were her point people. But they didn't always know either. So it was very tense. The bride wasn't friendly, giddy, or upfront about the wedding, like she was keeping it a secret. I didn't even know the name of the venue, and she never sent out Save the Dates or Invites. I had to Google her wedding website to learn anything about the wedding and to rsvp.
3. I asked the bride about the morning of the wedding- if we were getting ready all together with hair and makeup services. She told me she only got hair and makeup for herself and she had no other plans for anything else. I even double checked with her, and asked her if I should then make appointments for myself at my own salon and she said sure. A month later she announced that she got us hair and makeup services and we can get ready all together. I had to turn them down and I felt and looked like an idiot to everyone. She lead me to believe she wasn't doing that. I already went and got services for myself that day, so I stuck with my plan, as she had told me to originally to book my own.
4. I had to prodd the MOH to know what my money was being spent on for the bachelorette. No details were given prior when she asked for money. When we did all get together, I didn't see a correlation between what we all spent and what the experience was. I dished out $100, and I think the MOH spent it on other things without telling us. She even bought us bridesmaids robes and I'm pretty sure my money was spent on that. I found it inappropriate to deceive people and not tell them upfront what was being purchased.
5. The one bridesmaid- one of the favorites, not the MOH, kept speaking very bossy and rude, I felt. She kept speaking on behalf of the bride telling us what the bride wants and telling us that we can report to her with any questions. And telling us not to converse again on certain things because conversations were over and decisions were made. Again, I felt like I was in high school in a clique. I hate that and do not act or speak that way.
6. I contact the bride on Friday evening (wedding is sunday,) and she says she and her fiance are positive for covid. I beg her to postpone her wedding. She refuses and says she thinks they'll be clear by the wedding day, in a day, estimating it'll be day 4/5 since they got sick. She proceeds to go to the rehearsal and dinner on Saturday, exposing family and friends. I don't attend.
A few of us refuse to attend her indoor reception the day of, but say that we will go to the outdoor ceremony with distancing. We ask not to walk down the aisle towards the sick people. Her fiance and multiple members of the wedding party have covid, she shares with us. So we ask if we can be at the alter waiting for her like groomsmen do to avoid less people. She throws a tantrum upset we wont walk the aisle. Then gives us an ultimatum saying we can either walk the aisle or sit in the audience being a guest. As well as says that those who are uncomfortable should wear a mask, but no one with covid will be wearing a mask.
Her guests get wind of people having covid and they start bowing out of her wedding. Many friends of mine did not go. She starts whining about how all the money on food is wasted and whining that now she won't get a celebratory toast speech done for her. It was absolutely immature and ridiculous.
Then she and one of her favorite bridesmaids start blowing up my phone demanding to know if I will walk the aisle or sit as a guest. I get multiple messages and calls. The one bridesmaid even says rudely that I need to tell the bride asap so she can enjoy her wedding night.
I am not the reason the bride is not enjoying her wedding night. That's ridiculous.
I finally message the bride telling her I won't be attending at all and that I don't appreciate my phone being blown up. I also told her that I don't agree with how she views covid safe protocols, as she's exposing people on day 4/5 of the illness. And no one is masking who is sick.
I told her I was super stressed about this and felt backed into a corner, so for my own sanity, it best if I step away and not go. It was a very upsetting situation. I acknowledgdd that she was stressed too. And I said nice things to her as well. But I wasn't happy. I made it clear that I couldn't risk bringing covid back to my high high risk family. I made it clear that I was very disappointed that if we didn't walk the aisle, we were downgraded to being guests. And that I had spent a lot of money on a dress and accessories for her wedding to be wasted. She insisted I wear my dress but sit in the audience. But that sick people weren't going to wear masks, so I should. I just felt that was twisted.
I know I made the right choice. But knowing she might hate me for it. I know she's not happy with me.. I'm saddened at all the money I spent on this wedding too. My dress, shoes, etc. My family didn't want me going. My parents are high risk and my grandmother is morbidly high risk.
I even told the bride that if she hasn't had covid so close to the day, I definitely would have been there. I don't necessarily buy that they were on day 4/5, when they both tested positive on Friday evening. And others at the wedding had covid too, within the 10 day mark.
I sent her well wishes and a monetary gift. She thanked me and acknowledged it. I tried to do the right and cordial thing. After she thanked me through text, she also gushed a bit about how lots of people came and were fine staying and how fun it was. I think she was being mean and rubbing it in my face. Still glad I didn't go. Am I a jerk here? I hate people hating me, and maybe I was too harsh, but I think my feelings are legitimate.
The entire planning and execution of the wedding was a mess, and COVID was the cherry on top. You don't have to feel bad about not going because of that. The bigger question is why are you friends with the bride? This can't be the first instance of her being selfish and thoughtless.
IMO, you were within your rights to not go to the wedding. Not for all the reasons you listed...just the one...they had COVID, and you didn't want to risk catching it and bringing it home to your family. That's a perfectly fine and acceptable reason to not attend.
You are not a jerk at all. They are. They should have made guests aware that they tested positive for Covid and that all precautions will be taken for safety of the family and guests. How totally irresponsible of them!!
You are not a jerk at all. They are. They should have made guests aware that they tested positive for Covid and that all precautions will be taken for safety of the family and guests. How totally irresponsible of them!!
She told everyone, the venue, the workers, the guests. But she told everyone that they weren't contagious because it was Day 5. She kept saying "we are safe and out of quarantine"
That's very misleading. If someone told me they were safe and not contagious, I'd assume they were a good 10 days or more out from covid.
Day 5 is a lot different than day 9 and 10. And I didn't buy that it was even day 5. She claims they were sick for a few days prior, but only tested on Friday. I dont buy that. So she counts those sick days as days. But they tested positive Friday evening. That's really too close for comfort.
The CDC doesn't tell people to mask until day 10, because they are miraculously not contagious on day 5. I think she fudged the truth so she could still have her wedding. That's my opinion.
The COVID fiasco was reason enough to skip the wedding guilt-free. You could have left out items 1-5.
They're the jerks for putting people at risk. Selfish, self-absorbed, entitled ***holes.
I added in items 1-5 to show how stressful this wedding has been. It was not easy all this year. And then covid on top of it. I felt like when she told me about covid, and her handling of it, the build up of everything that this wedding has been just caused me to become overwhelmed with stress, anger, annoyance. I honestly think I need to distance myself from her as a friend.
I was in two weddings last year. One was a friend, one was a family member. They were both easy. The bride was communicating with us as a group. Not having other bridesmaids bossing us on her behalf. I didn't feel any favoritism. My money was clearly explained when paying for bridal things.
In these other weddings, when I asked the bride questions,they were both happy to answer them and excited to share with me all about the wedding plans. It was a pleasant experience overall. I figured this wedding would be the same, but it was not.
The entire planning and execution of the wedding was a mess, and COVID was the cherry on top. You don't have to feel bad about not going because of that. The bigger question is why are you friends with the bride? This can't be the first instance of her being selfish and thoughtless.
Off and on for years I've questioned our friendship. This bride sometimes has a rude attitude as a person. She'll correct you, it's rude and unnecessary. She almost tries to "teach you." I'm 30, don't treat me like a scolded child.
She can be the nicest and we'll get our nails done and have a nice day, but she wants what she wants and she's said rude things to me on numerous occasions that upsets me.
It's funny because she does this and I found one of her favorite bridesmaids does this too. They say rude things, but try to use language to sound sickly sweet. I hate this. Like the one rude bridesmaid would say something bossy then add "lets have a fun day girls xoxo" at the end. Like covering up the rudeness. It's fake nice. I hate this. The bride is like this too.
For years I've considered distancing myself from her as a friend. But I never had the heart, because I don't think she's a horrible person either. But after this, I definitely wouldn't have her in my own wedding and I'm questioning being close friends or friends at all. I think I need to distance myself.
You did what was best for you. Move on. On another note, perhaps decline any invitations to be in future bridal parties. They seem to give you stress in one form or another.
Covid isn't going away soon. It may be a milder form, but it's still here. If you or your family members are vulnerable, that's your priority. Hope everything else in your life is going well.
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