Would you tell a cold unfriendly relative that they are not invited at Christmas? (person, gatherings)
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We moved across the country to get away from an entire side of the family who treated us terribly. For years we would be guilted into going to my husband's families various christmas events. We would go and get ignored by everyone each and every time. We invited them to ours and we were expected to rearrange all of our plans to accomadate their plans. Nope not anymore. Its sad but for our mental well being we won't attend and we won't invite them to anymore gatherings. Its not worth the 6 months of anguish afterwards.
There are several things you can do..
1. Decide against having the whole family for Christmas. Then you can leave anytime you please, and you don't have to feed and entertain people who you don't like. (Not only the couple in question, but all the others who you think like them better than you). Then you and your wife can have a nice peacefull Christmas together.
2. Have your wife call her sister and tell her that "Since you never seem very happy to be here, we'll totally understand if you and Ferdinand choose not to come." She'll probably deny it, but might try harder to prove you wrong while she's at your house.
3. You and your wife can keep a secret list in the kitchen of all the things the offending couple do that's irritating.. make them a joke.. and see who can get the longest list.
Being unpleasant like that is plain childish nonsense and therefore you should be able to treat her like a child. So this Christmas, she gets a timeout from your party. Life is too short to compromise on situations like these. And you will have more fun without her... and that is exactly what you deserve for being such a good and generous hostess.
When I was a child, my mother made sure that us kids were good guests anywhere we went. Being pouty or unpleasant was never acceptable. And it's a lesson that I carried with me into adulthood. I see no reason for your guests ever to be mean or rude to you.
If you think that it's going to cause a huge rift by not inviting them, pull them aside and have a private talk with them before hand. Having a healthy relationship is about being honest and having good communication. Tell them how you feel now and let them think about it. Why keep this stuff inside of you? They may not realize how obnoxious their company really is.
it's family and it's the holidays - no one's happy!
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
When I was a child, my mother made sure that us kids were good guests anywhere we went. Being pouty or unpleasant was never acceptable. And it's a lesson that I carried with me into adulthood. I see no reason for your guests ever to be mean or rude to you.
If you think that it's going to cause a huge rift by not inviting them, pull them aside and have a private talk with them before hand. Having a healthy relationship is about being honest and having good communication. Tell them how you feel now and let them think about it. Why keep this stuff inside of you? They may not realize how obnoxious their company really is.
Christmas is at our house this year. We spend a significant amount of time and money to see that everyone will have a positive experience at our home for the Holiday. I wonder though, if we need to invite all the relatives. How abut the mean ones? Why should we invite them?
One one my wife's sister is very cold and unfriendly. She is always angry when I try to talk to her and when I say things in group conversation she will try to make me look stupid. Her husband is even worse. He reminds me of the Homecoming King who would not talk to me when I was in High School. He acts like he is better than me and has an incredible arrogance about him. I just do not like him. (Neither does my wife) The rest of the family love him because he is so handsome and confident.
If it is my home should I have the right to invite some of my wife's family but not others? Have you ever not invited an immediate family member to a Holiday event AT YOUR HOME just because they were unfriendly or mean? Advice?
Yes, invite them. Try and give and do for them, what they are unable to do for you. If you don't want to have them in your home, then don't have a christmas party.
goodtype
I though you said in another thread you started that you weren't spending money on christmas this year.
Hopefully everyones responses have bumped up your holiday spirit
Cherry picking is hard maybe instead your parents can host so you can stop in and leave when you want
I agree Karla. I think it stirs up even more problems by cherry picking the relatives you want to invite to your home. Christmas is for everyone. It is a time for giving, to be generous, and to forgive people for their shortcomings.
My wifes sister is married to an ass, nobody wants him around, but like I tell them you can't invite her and not him without hurting her feelings and taking the chance on her not coming anymore, well they didn't ivite him and haven't seen her either. It's your house and you can un-invite who you want but I would talk to everybody else first and get their feelings before hand.
There are several things you can do..
1. Decide against having the whole family for Christmas. Then you can leave anytime you please, and you don't have to feed and entertain people who you don't like. (Not only the couple in question, but all the others who you think like them better than you). Then you and your wife can have a nice peacefull Christmas together.
2. Have your wife call her sister and tell her that "Since you never seem very happy to be here, we'll totally understand if you and Ferdinand choose not to come." She'll probably deny it, but might try harder to prove you wrong while she's at your house.
3. You and your wife can keep a secret list in the kitchen of all the things the offending couple do that's irritating.. make them a joke.. and see who can get the longest list.
I think I like this response the best.....especially 2 & 3.
I have a sil that likes to talk down to people but I've discovered that if you call her on it in even the slighted little bit, she backs down.
Like #3 make it a joke between you and your wife. Every time one of them is rude or mean, look at each other and smirk. It will ease the tension and with any luck others will catch on and join in.
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it's family and it's the holidays - no one's happy!
