Where do you make new friends? (children, friendship)
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I've actually made friends with other women who like the same band. We'd see each other every week, and finally started talking. It's like one big happy family there in the front row now! Weird, though, because at 43, I'm the oldest. Everyone is very friendly and accepting, which is nice.
I have the same problem in Atlanta. My husband and I are mid-thirties so most of the women my age have kids and their social lives revolve around them. I'm not into bar hopping like most younger single people do so... It's tough when you move a lot!
I agree, it is very tough when you move a lot!!! I moved away from home (MN) when I was 21 to TX & found it very difficult to make friends there because well, it's the South & if you're not from there, they think you're weird & you're not very welcomed! I moved to CO back in September of '06 & have met hardly anyone. I am 27 now. Where are you moving to? I agree with the others, join clubs, groups & find the city's forum on this site & let them know you're moving there--you might find people that way.
I made friends through a local hiking club in New Mexico and here in Washington. I think it is an ideal way to get to know someone--you can talk as you walk and if you like them, ask if they'd like to do another walk together and if you don't like them, slow down or speed up and talk to someone else or enjoy the beauty of nature. In New Mexico we had a small group that started doing pot lucks and hikes together. Other places I've made friends--college classes, volunteering for a puppet group, working at Habitat for Humanity, single groups, dance lessons, taking woodcarving lessons at a free art studio, and at work. I've moved alone twice to cities where I knew no one--it takes time and can be difficult at the beginning.
I made my only single male friend here by walking up to him when he was volunteering at Habitat and asked him how long it took before he made friends here (I knew he had moved here from New Orleans the year before.) He still hadn't made any friends - I was his first friend. When I struggle with making friends I try to remember the saying (song?) "when you want a friend, be a friend." If I make an effort I find others who also want friends. So far, I haven't made a friend by attending church (they always seem pretty much set in their cliques although I don't usually last long--too many past wounds with religion) or thru Internet personals--they seem very focused on finding the "one." But you never know. Good luck.
I think part of it may be that some people don't go out of their way to make friends if they know they will be moving again soon. The first few times you have to leave really good friends behind, you almost don't want to make REALLY close friends until you are done moving...someday...
It's easier to keep in touch because of email these days but still most people drift away over the years. I'm lucky that I am not a person who NEEDS people. Thankfully I have the people I have kept in touch with from across the globe over the years, my hubby, and my ever faithful companion Huckleberry the cat. Until the moving slows down a little (we move for our jobs) I'm not going out of my way to make attachments. That isn't to say that if I meet someone I really have things in common with... likes to read...knows who starred in Roman Holiday...thinks chocolate is the nectar of the Gods... loves a good cup of coffee...
It is a popular misconception that we don't NEED people. Of course we need people, we are social animals. I finally got over the stigma of needing people in my life when I took social psychology. I go out and find the people that I connect to and meet those needs. I understand Clawson what you mean--your needs are met through your husband and distant friends. But I wish we'd get over the stigma of being able to admit we need people in our lives. Many think there is something wrong with them if they are lonely and need someone. Wrong thinking. Social psychology has done studies that show people are lonelier than ever--the number of people who have no one in their lives to talk to about serious subjects has risen over the past twenty years.
I think it is healthy to need more than the SO (I don't have a SO so I need to make friends to keep some balance and other viewpoints in my life.)
When volunteering at El Rancho de las Golondrinas (living history ranch) I worked with other women on spinning wool and fiber arts. Sitting around the table with women and children running around as we did colcha embroidery I realized how much we have lost with women not sharing tasks and having time to leisurely talk those wandering kind of talks that don't have an end goal (walk talks are the same way.) Poor guys would get a break from the talk we enjoy if we'd do more with women. I know I need the balance of male and female energy--the male part is harder to come by (tons of women friends here) because of our culture's focus on sex.
Smile and say hi to a stranger today. I think everyone should go ahead and need someone and take a chance and make a friend. It isn't only you that will benefit. So what if it is only a connection that lasts a moment, a day, or a lifetime. We are all on this earth together. A smile and acknowledgment that they exist might brighten up their day and give a lonely person hope--I've been there and appreciated those smiles. That's my rant for the day Now I really need to get back to my project of organizing and getting rid of stuff so I can play the rest of summer. And then go for a bike ride on the bike trail and say hi to strangers
It is a popular misconception that we don't NEED people. Of course we need people, we are social animals. I finally got over the stigma of needing people in my life when I took social psychology. I go out and find the people that I connect to and meet those needs. I understand Clawson what you mean--your needs are met through your husband and distant friends. But I wish we'd get over the stigma of being able to admit we need people in our lives. Many think there is something wrong with them if they are lonely and need someone. Wrong thinking. Social psychology has done studies that show people are lonelier than ever--the number of people who have no one in their lives to talk to about serious subjects has risen over the past twenty years.
I suppose I should have been more specific. What I meant was that I have known people who needed constant social interaction and stimulation to be happy. I'm sure everyone has known someone who had a lot of "friends" but spent most of their time complaining about them or getting in little sub-groups and gossiping about the other groups. I am not slamming the "people" people I am simply not one of them. When I say I don't NEED people I mean I would rather wait to find a person or couple of people who I really hit it off with (common interest, hobbies etc) than fill my life with people I don't really even like just to have a "group". As I matured..(still working on it) I learned to apply the same rules to friends as I did to boyfriends. I won't be in any relationship I am not satisfied with simply so as not to be "alone." I am happier alone than with people I don't really like and don't feel any stigma about being selective about who I let into my life. I am pretty self sufficient and I beg to differ... but I really don't NEED people to be happy.
(My cat however is another story) Perhaps I just have an antisocial personality disorder.....
I have met a TON of people I got along with over the years, but the ones I have kept in touch with I consider "special". These are people I have found to be unique and to be genuinely "good hearted" people. I will probably been friends with them until I die. That kind of friendship is VERY hard to come by and it can't really be sought out.
Moving is tough at first. My advice is get out of your comfort zone. Do some of the things you have always wanted to do, but found excuses for not doing. This past move I joined a Women's Volunteer Organization that was a wonderful way to meet people. I also met people through Church and at the gym. Take a class at a local college or through a city program. You get to re-invent yourself when you move. Go for it and do the things you love to do and you will end up meeting people with the same interests as you. Good luck, you will do great!
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can be very hard to do...
Church!
