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I am very sad for her family, but she is no longer suffering. In reading about her passing, I came across this quote -
-- Rosalyn Carter
I sttill hope we get to that point n my lifetime.
Absolutely. Even now I feel it’s risky at best to disclose my depression/anxiety disorders to employers, and being in NY I have essentially destroyed most of my own gun rights/will probably never be able to even possess a lot of the hardware I stashed at my Ma’s house prior to moving. Fill out forms with no room for nuance and poof, I’m a menace to society. Now, if I’m being honest, that’s a fair trade for feeling something resembling normal again, but also since my core beliefs never included shooting someone, it’s still costly to get branded for voluntarily seeking the help you need.
Absolutely. Even now I feel it’s risky at best to disclose my depression/anxiety disorders to employers, and being in NY I have essentially destroyed most of my own gun rights/will probably never be able to even possess a lot of the hardware I stashed at my Ma’s house prior to moving. Fill out forms with no room for nuance and poof, I’m a menace to society. Now, if I’m being honest, that’s a fair trade for feeling something resembling normal again, but also since my core beliefs never included shooting someone, it’s still costly to get branded for voluntarily seeking the help you need.
I know someone who confided with a co-worker who actually was a personal friend of theirs they had problems with panic attacks was on medication. That person told few others at their employer got back to management suddenly their job was no longer needed. Your smart not to disclose that to an employer. I would be very careful who you disclose that to can't trust anyone to keep a secret even if they are a friend.
Alzheimer's is a long continuum. There's a great deal of time between early forgetfulness and complete obliviousness.
My mother is one of six children. She's 75 and in the late stages. Her older brother is 77 and maybe a couple of years behind her in the progression. One of her older sisters died at 58 of the disease. She was a nurse. On some level, she knew. And it was so terrible that she put a lot of work into denial. I can only imagine the anguish of knowing what was happening to her. Three out of six. Every time I can't find my keys (I'm 54), I wonder; is it happening to me?
I don't worry much about my remaining life. It's good. My children are grown and happy and providing for themselves, and I know my wife could get on without me just fine, so the urgency I once felt to provide is gone. If I was in a terrible accident today and lingered lucidly enough to know what was happening, I wouldn't be happy about it but I wouldn't worry about 'after I'm gone' concerns. Painful cancer would suck, but it would be unlikely to persist for many years.
But Alzheimer's? That's a horror show. That's the one personal fate that I genuinely fear. Years. Literally, years of knowing. Maybe all of a decade. My wife's grandfather had Alzheimer's. He was never the angry type, but that's quite common with the disease. I suspect that I, stressed by forgetfulness and knowing what was happening to me, would be unpleasant. And I would be at least semi-aware of this unfolding horror. Knowing what it - what I - was putting my wife through as she had to be there to witness my disintegration. And knowing that even after, finally, I'm mercifully too far gone to feel anything at all, that she'd still be there, still having to witness what I had become, still mired in that tangential horror. I've also seen the constant confusion. There's a period in the Alzheimer's progression, and it's not brief, where the afflicted is constantly in a state of forgetting. So they're always confused, always struggling to remember what they just forgot, continually trying to contextualize what is just out of grasp. I've seen those times when every waking moment must be mental stress for the part of the person still trapped inside that decaying mind.
So the idea that at some point, years and years down the road, a person will be oblivious is very small, very cold comfort.
And I think there's more than a little awareness in a great many mental health afflictions.
I can relate to and agree with all of this. Very well put.
Alzheimer's is a long continuum. There's a great deal of time between early forgetfulness and complete obliviousness.
My mother is one of six children. She's 75 and in the late stages. Her older brother is 77 and maybe a couple of years behind her in the progression. One of her older sisters died at 58 of the disease. She was a nurse. On some level, she knew. And it was so terrible that she put a lot of work into denial. I can only imagine the anguish of knowing what was happening to her. Three out of six. Every time I can't find my keys (I'm 54), I wonder; is it happening to me?
I don't worry much about my remaining life. It's good. My children are grown and happy and providing for themselves, and I know my wife could get on without me just fine, so the urgency I once felt to provide is gone. If I was in a terrible accident today and lingered lucidly enough to know what was happening, I wouldn't be happy about it but I wouldn't worry about 'after I'm gone' concerns. Painful cancer would suck, but it would be unlikely to persist for many years.
But Alzheimer's? That's a horror show. That's the one personal fate that I genuinely fear. Years. Literally, years of knowing. Maybe all of a decade. My wife's grandfather had Alzheimer's. He was never the angry type, but that's quite common with the disease. I suspect that I, stressed by forgetfulness and knowing what was happening to me, would be unpleasant. And I would be at least semi-aware of this unfolding horror. Knowing what it - what I - was putting my wife through as she had to be there to witness my disintegration. And knowing that even after, finally, I'm mercifully too far gone to feel anything at all, that she'd still be there, still having to witness what I had become, still mired in that tangential horror. I've also seen the constant confusion. There's a period in the Alzheimer's progression, and it's not brief, where the afflicted is constantly in a state of forgetting. So they're always confused, always struggling to remember what they just forgot, continually trying to contextualize what is just out of grasp. I've seen those times when every waking moment must be mental stress for the part of the person still trapped inside that decaying mind.
So the idea that at some point, years and years down the road, a person will be oblivious is very small, very cold comfort.
And I think there's more than a little awareness in a great many mental health afflictions.
Wonderful post. My dad had Alzheimer's and it was painful for us to watch him in the early stages when he'd try to tell one of his funny jokes and he couldn't remember the punch line. The look on his face, the embarrassment, his sad realization that he couldn't be his humorous old self anymore. As the disease progresses, the person often becomes extremely angry and violent. They can't enjoy feeling that way. I remember he had me help him with his vegetable garden but had trouble remembering the names of the plants--tomato plant! He must have felt weird at the time--a lifelong gardener who couldn't remember "tomato."
Eventually he progressed into a period when he was happy to go for a car ride but he wasn't himself and maybe by then he didn't feel sad anymore. Alzheimer's lasts about ten years before it kills the person and the initial stages must be painful. By the time they're forgotten who they are, I think those around the person are the ones who are still suffering.
Wonderful post. My dad had Alzheimer's and it was painful for us to watch him in the early stages when he'd try to tell one of his funny jokes and he couldn't remember the punch line. The look on his face, the embarrassment, his sad realization that he couldn't be his humorous old self anymore. As the disease progresses, the person often becomes extremely angry and violent. They can't enjoy feeling that way. I remember he had me help him with his vegetable garden but had trouble remembering the names of the plants--tomato plant! He must have felt weird at the time--a lifelong gardener who couldn't remember "tomato."
Eventually he progressed into a period when he was happy to go for a car ride but he wasn't himself and maybe by then he didn't feel sad anymore. Alzheimer's lasts about ten years before it kills the person and the initial stages must be painful. By the time they're forgotten who they are, I think those around the person are the ones who are still suffering.
My "MIL" had it, too. At one point there were post-its all over the house reminding her of things. I guess one time she and my "FIL" had gone to the grocery store but she had forgotten the list, and she just started crying right there in the store. It must feel terrifying. (Anyone can forget a list, but I'm sure that it was just on top of everything else why she reacted so strongly.)
I lost my mom to it earlier this year. I'm just glad that she seemed happy and content at the end.
My mother was lucky, the way I see it. All she wanted was to live out her life in her own home with her cats around her. When she was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers we (the kids) started to worry that she would not have her prayers answered, because other than the Alzheimer's disease she was a healthy old lady.
But then two years in, when she was starting to accuse people of coming into her house and stealing from her (said someone walked in and took her living room rug, right in front of her, but there never had been a living room rug in that house).
Anyway long story short, her prayers were answered. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in her 78th winter and died six months later, 12 days after her 79th birthday, with her cats around her and my brother by her side. If she'd waited another day it would have been me by her side, as it was my shift next.
You do have to wonder if those with a mental illness are in fact suffering. Take Alzheimer’s as an example. No one wants to live with that and certainly the closest people to one that develops Alzheimer’s will not be easy seeing said person go from perfectly sane to forgetting everything including who they are. But if suffering is a feeling and in order to accurately interpret not just the feeling but also what it means requires being sane, does someone with an advanced Alzheimer’s know that they have it? Do they know that they even exist?
Seems to me the actual person with Alzheimer’s isn’t particularly suffering, rather those that are suffering are their closest people that knew how they were before the disease and especially their offsprings. Those with the disease I highly question if they know they are alive or even what’s the meaning of alive.
A gal who's a year or two older then me that I used to hang with at high school was diagnosed close to 10 years ago. She was only in her 50's.
I had messaged her on Facebook, eventually her daughter was going through her mothers Facebook profile when she found my message. From what her daughter told me, she wasn't in good shape then. She couldn't answer messages. Daughter said a phone conversation was about the only way to speak to her mother.
IIRC her mother had it, possibly her father too, or one had Alzheimers the other dementia. I'll have to message her older sister one day to see what's going on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsmom21
My mother was lucky, the way I see it. All she wanted was to live out her life in her own home with her cats around her. When she was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers we (the kids) started to worry that she would not have her prayers answered, because other than the Alzheimer's disease she was a healthy old lady.
But then two years in, when she was starting to accuse people of coming into her house and stealing from her (said someone walked in and took her living room rug, right in front of her, but there never had been a living room rug in that house).
Anyway long story short, her prayers were answered. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in her 78th winter and died six months later, 12 days after her 79th birthday, with her cats around her and my brother by her side. If she'd waited another day it would have been me by her side, as it was my shift next.
I'm sorry for your loss. My son and I were holding my dads hands when he took his last breath. He had one last thing to be alive for which was done at 8pm, by 10 he was gone. I believe your mom was at peace, it's possible she didn't want you to see her like that.
I hate cancer but in your mom's case it was probably a huge blessing. My dad died from cancer too. Thankfully he was not in pain. He stopped being able to speak about 10 hours before he passed.
Such a remarkable and outstandingservice for Mrs. Carter. She was a true World Changer.
Since you brought up her service...I hope everyone caught the darling
speech from a Grandson....everyone in the house laughed.
I bet even Melania - the only person not in black.
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