Recent Wedding or Wedding coming up for you or a child and what's your cost breakdown (ring, wedding gifts)

[Maddie104]

Originally Posted by Kathy884

My son's getting married in May. He's 28 and his fiance is 31 (gay couple) I think they make a really good couple too, so I am really happy for them. One set of parents is giving them 10K, and we are giving them 20K. We said they could keep whatever they didn't spend as a wedding gift, but it looks to me like they will spend almost all of it on the wedding. They are romantics are really want a nice wedding with lots of the traditional stuff. I was hoping they would do something smaller/more modest and keep money toward a down payment on a house or something like that. But hey at least it looks like they won't have to contribute too much themselves to the expenses and will have a wedding they will really like. All my relatives (everyone lives out of town) will be flying in or doing a long drive in. It will be really fun to have them all here.

I'm just curious about others: Where is your wedding going to be or where was it, what will it be like -- location, guests, and what is your expected cost breakdown.

This wedding is being held in a cute historical area called Soulard in St. Louis about 20 minutes from where they live (They've been living together for about a year). Both sets of parents are local and the other side of the family have lots of relatives in the area. They are just having relatives and their friends, but even with that it looks like there will be about 110 people.

My guestimate is that they will spend 28K -- I am rounding to the nearest $100. They have prices and arrangements for everything except for tuxes and flowers.

Here's the price breakdown

$5700
Venue for both wedding and reception - (Saturday for five hours) -- It's a beautiful historical church with patio too that is now a wedding venue. I did fall in love with the place just like they both did, so that makes it easier to fork over the money.

$4200
Food for reception (They are doing BBQ -- good food and less expensive than most other options. You have to pick from one of the vendors preferred caterers. They are opting for nice china, etc. to make it more formal. The other family is picking up for this.

$4000
Open bar. I'm a non-drinker and so are most of my extended family. The other side though wouldn't consider a wedding without an open bar / more modest drink selections like wine with dinner and sodas. Again I'm glad the other family is picking up for this as OMG is as much as the food.

$3700
Photographer. They are both super into photography themselves, so they were super picky on what photographer to get. Also they want major photoshoots near the Arch where my son works as well as in historic Soulard, so are getting the photographer for a long time.

$2400
Wedding Planner. I didn't think they necessarily needed this, but it does make it easy. No one in the family needs to make sure all is working out with wedding planner to tend to everything. Also the planner has given them tons of great ideas and vendors to pick from.

$1600
Rehersal dinner buffet for 32. This is the one item I did the research on, and DS and fiance both really liked what I came up with. It's at a sports bar that has a lovely little party room that they will decorate with nice table cloths and dishes/napkins. The buffet includes sodas and it's a cash bar (so that really keeps the costs down too). The out of town people on my side add to the number attending. We aren't doing dessert either.

$1200
DJ -- DJ is the same one the wedding planner used at her own wedding and will do both the ceremony and dancing at the reception. There is no organ at the church anymore. Our pastor and organist will do a recording for DS for some traditional music he wants that he will provide the DJ. Pretty cool.

$1000
Cake. They are doing a three multi tier red velvet one and having it delivered.

$700
Pastor -- more than I would need to give her, but she's just so great and this is what I want to do. It's something I can do because I'm paying. She's met with them multiple times, is helping with the music recording, and will be spending time and the rehearsal and wedding and dinner / reception. We'll of course invite her husband to these too. DS and I were thrilled that his fiance really liked her.

$600
Invitations

$200
Save the Date

Well that's $25,300 And then there are tuxes -- maybe $300 and flowers -- maybe $1200 (I have know idea. The venue is already so cute, I'm thinking maybe they can be modest with this.

So maybe a total of $26,800 leaving them about $3200 for a gift -- honeymoon or house fund or wedding budget cushion. They have fairly modest plans for a post wedding trip about a month or so after the wedding.

They bought their own rings.

Wow -- This will be fun, but gosh it's a lot of money.

Would love to hear from others.

It is but it's all relative. A couple years ago I gave my daughter $15000 for wedding reception and approx. $5000 for flowers, hair&make up, bridal gown and accessories. She and now husband paid for photographer, DJ, cake, invitations, wedding rings, transportation for guests, etc. so I don't know the amounts for those items. I am guessing a total amount of $25,000. I think in-laws planned to pay for rehearsal dinner.

Due to COVID, she had a very small wedding but my husband and I let her keep the money.

I considered the cost moderate as compared to all the friends' weddings she attended.

While it is a lot of money, it's a once in a lifetime (hopefully) experience. If the marriage lasts 25 years, that's $1000 per year. People "waste" money on other things over 25 years.

[sheerbliss]

Originally Posted by Maddie104

While it is a lot of money, it's a once in a lifetime (hopefully) experience. If the marriage lasts 25 years, that's $1000 per year. People "waste" money on other things over 25 years.

The real opportunity cost is what the couple could have otherwise done with $25,000. Putting it in a savings account at 5% interest over 25 years would give them a balance of $84,648 ($60,000 in interest). Averaged out over 25 years, that's $2,386 per year.

[Maddie104]

Originally Posted by sheerbliss

The real opportunity cost is what the couple could have otherwise done with $25,000. Putting it in a savings account at 5% interest over 25 years would give them a balance of $84,648 ($60,000 in interest). Averaged out over 25 years, that's $2,386 per year.

My point is that many people spent money over the years without thought to the "opportunity cost", i.e., purchasing a $50,000 vs. $25,000 vehicle for basic transportation, dinners out, expensive vacations, etc. Over the years these discretionary purchases also represent a "lost opportunity" cost. So, there are many purchases in life that amount to lost opportunity costs but since weddings are a relatively large one time expense, it is viewed differently than the totality of those other purchases.

[Kathy884]

Originally Posted by SnazzyB

Hello Kathy884!

I live in the St. Louis area too! I'm curious...is your son getting married at The Abbey? I've never been there but I've heard it's lovely!

I actually live in St. Charles County. My husband and I got married in a restaurant, on a barge, in a slough of the Mississippi over 20 yrs ago. I think, all in, we spent $3500. We had a sit down meal which was $13 a plate. Beer, soda and coffee was provided and there was a cash bar.

Instead of embossed invitations I had them printed. And I did my flowers ( bouquet, buttoniers). I also made all the table decorations. I had 1 attendant. I let her pick her own dress. My only stipulation was that I wanted it floor length. For my husband and his best man, they wore black suits and matching ties. The other guys ( our sons) wore white shirts, black slacks and the matching ties.

My cake came from Schnucks...and I loved it. LOL

My matron of Honors husband was our DJ. I think we gave him $100. And finally, my parents paid for the photographer.

I can't say my wedding was very formal I guess, but I can say we got some a great pictures of the sun setting on the Mississippi, and it was a wonderful time.

What a cool idea for a wedding Snazzy B. Sounds like a lovely wedding.

And you are right on the venue -- 9th Street Abbey. I think it's a charming venue. I have to say I feel in love with it. They were probably smart to invite me along to look at the places, as comparing that to other places, liking it so much, and seeing how much so many of the venues cost that got me and DH to up our wedding contribution.

[sheerbliss]

Originally Posted by Maddie104

My point is that many people spent money over the years without thought to the "opportunity cost", i.e., purchasing a $50,000 vs. $25,000 vehicle for basic transportation, dinners out, expensive vacations, etc. Over the years these discretionary purchases also represent a "lost opportunity" cost. So, there are many purchases in life that amount to lost opportunity costs but since weddings are a relatively large one time expense, it is viewed differently than the totality of those other purchases.

This is fine if the people you're talking about are swimming in money to the point that things like expensive vacations are little more than a rounding error in their annual budget. For most people, though, this is a recipe for living paycheck to paycheck at best. If they really don't even think about it, that just makes it worse.

[Maddie104]

Originally Posted by Maddie104

It is but it's all relative. A couple years ago I gave my daughter $15000 for wedding reception and approx. $5000 for flowers, hair&make up, bridal gown and accessories. She and now husband paid for photographer, DJ, cake, invitations, wedding rings, transportation for guests, etc. so I don't know the amounts for those items. I am guessing a total amount of $25,000. I think in-laws planned to pay for rehearsal dinner.

Due to COVID, she had a very small wedding but my husband and I let her keep the money.

I considered the cost moderate as compared to all the friends' weddings she attended.

While it is a lot of money, it's a once in a lifetime (hopefully) experience. If the marriage lasts 25 years, that's $1000 per year. People "waste" money on other things over 25 years.

Originally Posted by sheerbliss

This is fine if the people you're talking about are swimming in money to the point that things like expensive vacations are little more than a rounding error in their annual budget. For most people, though, this is a recipe for living paycheck to paycheck at best. If they really don't even think about it, that just makes it worse.

As requested, I responded to the OP with my opinion about wedding cost relative to my experience. This was not a commentary about affordability. Quite frankly this is why I hesitate to respond to inquiries about the cost of something -- someone takes issue with what they can afford.

[roodd279]

How many guests? I'd say for 200, it's a decent deal, for 300 it's phenomenal, and for 100 it's you're being overcharged.


Clearly, it's a lot of dollars for most folks, whether or not it's a "Value." But no single item you've shown here is a huge red flag on overspend - maybe the planner...lots of venues INCLUDE the planner.


I don't see a price for flowers - ?



(agree with others, they should use your money for a nest egg - but I guess that ship has sailed...)

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by sheerbliss

Agreed. Unless you're worth millions, $30,000 is a breathtaking amount of money to spend on a party.

The last two weddings I've been to were pretty basic affairs. One had a reception with cupcakes and punch in the church yard and then we were off to a city fair; the other wedding was in a friend's back yard.

Sounds great! At the end of the day you’re married, regardless of what you spent.

I’m a little too pragmatic because I look at it as what do you actually require to get married? An officiant, a licence and two witnesses.

Everything else is a want, not a need.

[Axxlrod]

Wedding costs have gotten truly out of control. I find it rather repulsive that many vendors double or triple their rates as soon as the word "wedding" is mentioned.

I also think many (most) young people get a bit starry-eyed or even competitive with their peers over having the "best" wedding. And many wish they could go back and have a simpler wedding and have money left over to put towards a house.

Case in point. When my sister got engaged a few years ago, my parents wrote her a check for $100K as an early wedding gift, and told her she could spend as much of it as she wanted on the wedding; all of it for a fancy wedding, none of it and get married in their backyard and put they money towards a house or something in between.

Sister and her fiancé decided they wanted a fancy wedding... so they spent it all... and then some. Went over budget by at least $10k.

Shortly thereafter my sister admitted that she couldn't believe how quickly the wedding and reception went, and she was sad that she spent all the money on a "party for everybody else" instead of using the money as a down payment on a house.

[E-Twist]

A little over 20 years a friends spent 25k on their daughter's wedding. It was not a huge wedding - about 100 people. I don't know what the grooms expenses amounted to. It was a lovely wedding and reception but..... the couple split up within two months. I'm sure that's unusual.