No "thank you note" and future gifts

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by considerforamoment

I would say if it upsets you so much, confront her. See what her excuse is.

Or, don't engage in a confrontation.
Simply ask if the gift was received.

[Ninella]

I guess I'm a minority here, but I find thank you notes kinda weird and useless. For sure people should thank others for coming, giving gifts etc, but I just find the idea of an actual note to be useless. Why do I need to design a specific note, pay for it, mail it to everyone, so that people can either throw it out immediately or leave it in a pile of other cards that will seat in some forgotten drawer, collect dust and never be looked at?

I actually didn't even know sending thank you notes was a thing until I got married a few years ago in my 30s, when my husband insisted that we send them, and I thought it was silly, so we almost got into a fight over it. Yes people came and brought gifts. We thanked everyone in person, we paid for a pretty nice catering and an open bar, we did a pretty nice deliberate favours for every guest, which were not usut useless souvenirs, but loot bags with treat and a few items people can actually use, and we also stuck a note in there thanking them for coming and telling them to enjoy the cookies made by the bride and hot sauce made by the groom, we also had extra special packages for parents, bridesmaids and groomsmen, and a few people who were involved in helping, like decorating, MC and DJ etc (it was kind of a DYI wedding, so lots of friends and family members were involved). We gave them all a bottle of wine, glasses, mugs, special souvenirs, self care products etc. So why do I need to make up some useless piece of paper for them on top of that? But apparently so many people are so attached to getting a card. I think its a bit outdated.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by kayanne

I completely disagree.

Let's say you spent time, effort, and money preparing a special dinner for a friend at your house. During the meal, no appreciation was shown. When leaving, no "thanks for dinner" was mentioned. No acknowledgement of your kindness and generosity was ever expressed. Let's say this lack of basic etiquette has happened more than once.

Maybe YOU would continue to put forth effort in making meals for this person, but I certainly wouldn't. If all my effort doesn't warrant a simple "thank you," whether it's for a meal I prepared, a gift I gave, or any other act of kindness, I would feel snubbed and unappreciated, and would consider that person an ungrateful clod.

I have never been able to understand people who don't express appreciation. It baffles me.

Some people are just born Takers who don't get the concept of gratitude. I have a niece who had a baby at 19 then proceeded to have a few more with a different loser. She was always struggling. I was working, not yet married or a mother, so I sent her a check at one point to help her out.

I got a letter back, not thanking me but instead telling me that anytime I have money to share, she'll be happy to take it. As you might imagine, I did not respond.

[Nefret]

I think the way thank you is shown is a generational thing.

As a child I was taught that, when having a meal at a friend's house, I should always thank the mother at the end of the meal. In college, after going home with a friend for the weekend, a "bread and butter note" was sent. As an adult, visiting someone overnight, a hostess gift was either taken at the time or sent later with a note.

However, one thing that was not expected in those days, but apparently is now, is the sending of a thank you note after a job interview.

I know I'm an old fogie, but I expect a written think you note acknowledging a wedding gift. If this considered an old fashioned custom, why isn't the old fashioned custom of having the bride "given away" by her father usually followed not to mention other traditional wedding activities that make no sense in today's world.