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Maybe he would do better in a group home?
Group homes can provide many benefits for autistic adults who require support with daily living tasks. They can provide a supportive and nurturing environment that promotes independence, socialization, and overall well-being.
People living in them usually look out for one another and everyone becomes part of each other’s support network.
Living in a group home can provide residents with a sense of community and belonging that they may not experience living alone or with family members.
Thank you for this update. This is the first time I've read your story. It is a very difficult situation. We have friends whose autistic child got worse into adulthood, also sometimes violent. They could not function without guardianship.
I do know people who have been put under guardianship as adults. I do not know the process but it isn't just for minors. If he cannot function on his own, is clearly mentally ill and is dependent on others to live it is crazy that the courts will not give his mom guardianship.
Unfortunately something bad might have to happen before the situation is taken seriously by authorities. Even then who knows. I'm so sorry.
It's been almost three years since my last post. Sadly, things have not improved much. My wife's son (22) initially refused VOC rehab but the job he wanted (grocery chain) essentially guardrailed him into it. He's been recovering buggies one at a time for almost two years.
He refuses to see his physician (one of the most reputable physicians in the world of autism) because "he's not autistic".
The day I returned home from my mom's funeral, I tried correcting him on the effort required to close doors. He blocked me from leaving the room and kneed me in the balls. I am not proud of my reaction.
No guardianship because the system sees him as an adult. He walks miles most days, sometimes shirtless at 5 a.m., flailing his arms, and cursing out imaginary people. He is arrogant, and belligerent, and spends most of his days masturbating in his room and/or listening to political videos (the latter presumably because of his dad's political views).
His outlook is not good, especially if something happens to his mom and me.
I am the mother of an adult son with Down syndrome, and myself and my husband are his guardians. If I knew you, and you just had this conversation with me, I would make a report to Adult Protective Services (here they are very nice people who understand the issues, and try to help). The report would be "Adult In Need Of Care".
We have tried residential services for our son, and just brought him out of the second one, but I know some find good services, but Kansas is kind of a rat hole, which is reflected across the board.
We are always vulnerable to being reported to APS, as many people do not understand our situation. I sometimes have to jerk him out of traffic or block him and he's resisting. If he gets an injury, we could be investigated. Our son is 37 years old, so I am experienced beyond most.
I am not sure who is feeding you the line that the "system sees him as an adult", but I would just ignore that, and ask for help through social services, before you end up in a confrontation, and someone gets hurts, investigation ensues and someone is held accountable. Even what is going on now could constitute neglect, as your son is not getting the help that he needs.
Get help before the issue gets worse. As you all age, things will get much more difficult - I can personally attest to that fact.
I see that you are in FL, they have a very long waiting list for services, BUT "crisis" funding might be available or just anything that you could get would be helpful.
Thanks for the update. I'm sorry that there's no good solutions. Even if your wife got guardianship, how could she control him? Maybe it's better this way so she's not liable for any issues he might cause.
Maybe someday he will be able to get into some sort of residential treatment facility. We're finding out that the judicial system may be the way to go. If he's reported for a crime, a good attorney and judge can place them in a facility.
We're dealing with a similar issue and just trying to keep everyone safe.
I am the mother of an adult son with Down syndrome, and myself and my husband are his guardians. If I knew you, and you just had this conversation with me, I would make a report to Adult Protective Services (here they are very nice people who understand the issues, and try to help). The report would be "Adult In Need Of Care".
We have tried residential services for our son, and just brought him out of the second one, but I know some find good services, but Kansas is kind of a rat hole, which is reflected across the board.
We are always vulnerable to being reported to APS, as many people do not understand our situation. I sometimes have to jerk him out of traffic or block him and he's resisting. If he gets an injury, we could be investigated. Our son is 37 years old, so I am experienced beyond most.
I am not sure who is feeding you the line that the "system sees him as an adult", but I would just ignore that, and ask for help through social services, before you end up in a confrontation, and someone gets hurts, investigation ensues and someone is held accountable. Even what is going on now could constitute neglect, as your son is not getting the help that he needs.
Get help before the issue gets worse. As you all age, things will get much more difficult - I can personally attest to that fact.
I see that you are in FL, they have a very long waiting list for services, BUT "crisis" funding might be available or just anything that you could get would be helpful.
To follow up on this, he was well on his way voluntarily to a group home before his dad intervened. Surprisingly, his dad allowed him to work behind the weapons counter of his family's hardware store.
My wife's guardianship had no teeth as she had no control over anything. The only positive was that it gave her visibility into finances (like when we discovered that his dad was using him for free labor) and health (when the dad refused to take him to his lifelong physician), but the court was not concerned with such trivial things.
Guardianship effectively terminated when we moved to Florida. We restarted the process to the tune of thousands of dollars but got nowhere. I could write a small book explaining the details but my wife's attempt at guardianship would not be successful. Even if it had been, at this point we had an adult son who was vehemently in denial of his diagnosis. However, adult protective services is an idea that we have not considered.
I just found out the adult I know that was under guardianship for mental illness referenced in my last post, decided he didn't want it anymore. He is now elderly and shows signs of dementia and was able to remove himself from guardianship. He has been doing some unwise things financially and the family is not able to do anything about it. They cannot afford to fight him in court, he is wealthy and they are probably afraid of him, and being disinherited. He will probably have to be comatose in order to get an order for guardianship against his will. This is just scary, so unfortunate that people can be so vulnerable and loved ones cannot protect them.
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