Aged neighbor insists on independence but needs assistance.....

[Maddie104]

It seems to me, it is the feeling of obligation that is bothersome. You are worrying about the neighbor's grass getting high and who will cut it. This shouldn't be your worry. If the son isn't stepping up, it doesn't make it your problem to solve.
Yes, you started doing some things and the neighbor may be making some assumptions about your willingness to continue.
She or her son need to explore alternatives, i.e., paying for these services to be done on a regular basis so you don't even need to think about these things. Only commit to what you can do, i.e., taking her the mail.

When my mother had mobility issues and didn't drive, I could only help out on a limited basis. My able bodied brother who lived a few blocks away did nothing. He didn't want it to become his full time job. I didn't look to the neighbors to help her; I hired people.
There is the possibility she will be fine with the grass getting high until the son can come. We have a neighbor who lets his grass get very high between cuttings to save money. His choice.

[BellaDL]

Originally Posted by MI-Roger

Her grass is now quite long and we our hoping her son will mow it tomorrow during his routine Tuesday visit. If not, we will mow it Wednesday with ours.

Leaf raking is more strenuous, but we purchased an inexpensive, used, gas engined, leaf vacuum this Spring to use ourselves for our yard, share with friends, and clear our neighbor's lawn more easily.

Snow removal is the REAL chore. We aren't certain how much longer we can safely do our own driveway.

If her son lives nearby and can come to visit her weekly, I do not see why you have to take it upon yourself to do all the maintenance work for her.

Even if he does not live nearby and can not visit her often, he can set all the maintenance service arrangement for his mother by phone calls!

It is possible that he hasn't done those things because his mother has been telling him that she is being taken care by a VERY NICE neighbor. If I was the nice neighbor who had gotten tired of doing or some of the tasks I would have a nice chat with the son telling him that I would no longer able to do X, Y or Z and ask him to be in charge .

[galaxyhi]

Originally Posted by BellaDL

If her son lives nearby and can come to visit her weekly, I do not see why you have to take it upon yourself to do all the maintenance work for her.

Even if he does not live nearby and can not visit her often, he can set all the maintenance service arrangement for his mother by phone calls!

It is possible that he hasn't done those things because his mother has been telling him that she is being taken care by a VERY NICE neighbor. If I was the nice neighbor who had gotten tired of doing or some of the tasks I would have a nice chat with the son telling him that I would no longer able to do X, Y or Z and ask him to be in charge .

I agree.

Hey, Roger, if YOU'RE doing it, HE (the son) doesn't have to bother, so he won't.

IF he's supposed to be responsible, then yes, by all means have a chat with him.
Point out these few (among others) things:

1) IF her driveway isn't clear of snow, and she falls inside the house or other emergency, it's very much more harder for emergency crews to get to her, get in or get her out of the house.

2) IF the town cites her for grass too tall, they will mow it AND charge it as an add on to her taxes if she doesn't outright pay the fee for the town having it done.

3) YOU and other neighbors aren't getting any younger yourself, and you need to focus your energy on taking care of your home, and don't have extra energy for hers. (A subtle and deserved guilt trip!)


*It's also possible the sons health may preclude him for doing the physicality of these chores. He may LOOK healthy, but might have heart issues like I do

(I am.living with heart failure...22 years I could do pretty much what I wanted. Not any more. I've been slapped by the universe that now I'm past 60, I need to slow down seriously..this is literally killing me..I'm a "doer" not a "sitter", but after a week in the hospital, I've learned I MUST walk slower, MUST no longer lift heavy objects, MUST pause when my heart says so walking to my condo, the grocery store or anywhere.)
I MAY LOOK fine to you, but my heart is flip flopping, doing cartwheels, summersaults, pounding iny ears and ready to jump out of my chest when I pause while walking! You may wonder why I stopped because you can't see what's going on inside my body.
I need to Stop, and smell the roses more now)

Best