Should you stay with someone if you find them boring?
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Well, OP, ask yourself if this is what you want to be chained to for the rest of your life via a marriage certificate.
I"m wondering how you lasted this long. Purely because you couldn't figure out a way to get out of it gracefully? And you kept telling yourself she had stellar other qualities?
Well, the time has come to figure that out. Perhaps someone here can come up with a good suggestion. I'm all out of suggestions on this one.
Are you afraid of change? Are you afraid of being alone? You said you haven't much relationship experience. Are you settling because you don't think anyone else will have you? You say she gets depressed. Is she getting help for it? What about you? Are you depressed as well? Ate you wanting someone to make your life better and more interesting for you? It's up to you to make your own life better and more interesting, not anyone else. I'd say do this woman and yourself a favor and break up.
OP, I'm boring and I think you should break up with her. It may be she is naturally introverted and doesn't need a lot of interests outside of work to feel satisfied. Maybe she is depressed. Who knows?
Some guys I find I am boring with, and some guys I find I'm more interesting with. It depends on the guy. You would be doing her a favor by giving her a chance to find someone she is more compatible with.
I'm 30 years old and my girlfriend is 27.
She is a great person, and has very good morals and values. She's intelligent. Good communicator etc.
I respect and care about her deeply.
We have been together for about a year
The problem is though --- I just find her.. boring. She works a very demanding job and doesn't really have any real passions or hobbies out side of work.
Also this is going to sound weird but sometimes I just dread talking to her on the phone. She speaks in a really monotone voice and can sometimes be so unenthusiastic.
I just kind of feel dragged down and bored sometimes. She also gets a bit depressed sometimes.
I don't require some super fun person but I just not sure if i can be with this person long term. Recently I was at a party by myself (She wasn't there)
i wasn't flirting but i was talking to a girl who was so bubbly and positive (complete opposite to my girlfriend) and it was such a breath of fresh air
I just feel really horrible for feeling this way, like i said she's a great person.. i just wish she was a bit more enthusiastic / positive / energetic about life
Are my expectations too high? Even though i'm 30 i don't have that much relationship experience.
It's not that your relationship could not work long term--it can but would take some work. However, since you're not married and you already sound unhappy, I would suggest leaving the relationship. You're still young enough to where you can shop around a bit more for a 20 something chick without any baggage--who doesn't bore you--and can give you a family.
Care about your current enough to let her find somebody who can love her on a level that you cannot.
As far as I can tell, by far the majority of people are boring. There is nothing that says you can't have interesting outside hobbies of your own for excitement in your life. but there is also nothing that says you should stay with a person that you are not really interested in being with.
There are no children to stay together for, so move on and let her find someone who appreciates that she is a good person and knows how rare that quality is.
You aren't happy with her, which is also going to make her life a misery. Just move on. And no sneaking back a couple of times a week for sex because you can't connect on the outside. Break it off and make it a clean break so she can also move on and get on with her life without hoping it can still work.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonelyMan99
Hi All , need some advice.
I'm 30 years old and my girlfriend is 27.
She is a great person, and has very good morals and values. She's intelligent. Good communicator etc.
I respect and care about her deeply.
We have been together for about a year
The problem is though --- I just find her.. boring. She works a very demanding job and doesn't really have any real passions or hobbies out side of work.
Also this is going to sound weird but sometimes I just dread talking to her on the phone. She speaks in a really monotone voice and can sometimes be so unenthusiastic.
I just kind of feel dragged down and bored sometimes. She also gets a bit depressed sometimes.
I don't require some super fun person but I just not sure if i can be with this person long term. Recently I was at a party by myself (She wasn't there)
i wasn't flirting but i was talking to a girl who was so bubbly and positive (complete opposite to my girlfriend) and it was such a breath of fresh air
I just feel really horrible for feeling this way, like i said she's a great person.. i just wish she was a bit more enthusiastic / positive / energetic about life
Are my expectations too high? Even though i'm 30 i don't have that much relationship experience.
There is nothing more annoying than being in an intimate setting with someone you know you don’t have an all encompassing intimate connection to.
There is nothing more senseless than staying in that setting knowing she bores and annoys you.
Conduct yourself with honor because she deserves it as a good person per your marker. End things with respect as soon as you can and don’t even think about lighting the matches to start another connection fire until you do.
I'm 30 years old and my girlfriend is 27.
She is a great person, and has very good morals and values. She's intelligent. Good communicator etc.
I respect and care about her deeply.
We have been together for about a year
Deeply? Hm, but based on her not being bubbly and upbeat you want to run away. Make sure your decision is final, and commit to it.
So break up for whatever your reason, BUT don’t try to go back to her when your dating life gets “ boring “, or change your mind a few X, because you actually care deeply about her, right.
I hope it isn’t this typical “ maximizer” spiel where you get full of yourself after “ success” being with a respectable person and start looking at grass is greener options. If you think you can do better, go ahead, don’t look back. Let her move on to someone who appreciates her.
I’ve noticed this behavior - gets critical after feeling safe and comfortable, cocky after relationship “success”, break up feeling superior, then it goes ****ty in their dating life, they start thinking “maybe they weren’t so bad” and try to reverse back.
No don’t be that person. It’s typical selfish behavior of not appreciating what seems too available or easy, or not perfect. There’s something wrong with everyone, you shall see..
Quote:
The problem is though --- I just find her.. boring. She works a very demanding job and doesn't really have any real passions or hobbies out side of work.
Yeah demanding job, but she lacks ambition in her hobbies. ok.
Quote:
Also this is going to sound weird but sometimes I just dread talking to her on the phone. She speaks in a really monotone voice and can sometimes be so unenthusiastic.
And you are always chipper? Is everything perfect in your own mind with you?
Quote:
I just kind of feel dragged down and bored sometimes. She also gets a bit depressed sometimes.
Oh break up then, if it’s required a person be happy at all times.
Quote:
I don't require some super fun person but I just not sure if i can be with this person long term. Recently I was at a party by myself (She wasn't there)
i wasn't flirting but i was talking to a girl who was so bubbly and positive (complete opposite to my girlfriend) and it was such a breath of fresh air
no not flirting, you?
Yeah you should be around a happy person who’s bubbly. Then automatically you will get a great relationship.
Quote:
I just feel really horrible for feeling this way, like i said she's a great person.. i just wish she was a bit more enthusiastic / positive / energetic about life
Are my expectations too high? Even though i'm 30 i don't have that much relationship experience.
She’s 27 and maybe she’s more serious than you.
No, you can choose to be alone even, and date.
Don’t think you are slick and try to return, just keep going. Find the perfect person.
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