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On another angle though.
l might not even meet anyone else l want to get involved with or that has any of the things l need.
So, l suppose l could feel lucky that l did with her at this stage and did have 5yrs yrs of it at least.
randomx, are you a rescuer? The woman you broke up with had so many problems. Going forth, make sure anyone you get involved with does not need help. It can take time to find these things out of course, but sometimes things can jump out and people will tend to overlook them because of other desirable characteristics. Moody people, whiny people. perpetually broke people, people with debt, people that have family members always needing them or living off of them, adult children unable to function on their own. Substance abusers, criminals, mentally ill, avoid all these. It may seem like a lot that needs avoiding, but there are plenty of people that are mentally stable have their lives in order. Don't buy trouble. Do some nice things for yourself, let yourself heal, and if she wants you back ...run!
Hey twist.
Nah no way not at all, they held me back actually.
But,, you know nothings gonna be perfect there's usually some bads come with goods.
They just way out wayed bads but so much for that, bads got worse, as they bloody do hey.
People with mh health problems are often very special people to though their sensitivities and ways can be what makes them so special,fun, and very good in the sack l might add to.
But that 4 yrs probably closer to 5 actually. Yknow, started meeting women, began feeling open to the right one, but no one else hit the spot so l just wasn't going there
So gf , was a choice, l hung right back in our first few yrs though. Still saw and lived those goods that meant a lot to me, things l was looking for, but her other stuff kept me very cautious.
Try to do the right damn thing , hoped we could work on them, Jezuz.
Random, maybe if you hadn't gone back to her to try again you'd always feel like you gave up too soon, didn't try hard enough. Now you know you did as much as you could to try to make it work. It wasn't a waste of time, it was something you wanted to do at the time and therefore worth trying.
It didn't work out, that's the often the nature of relationships, most don't go the long haul.
When I was in my mid 40s - your age - the adventures of a lifetime awaited me that far surpassed anything in the first half.
You're not old, the second half of your life is yet to come, make it count and don't regret five years of your life.
Learn from them and soldier on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx
On another angle though.
l might not even meet anyone else l want to get involved with or that has any of the things l need.
So, l suppose l could feel lucky that l did with her at this stage and did have 5yrs yrs of it at least.
l must remind self of that.
Probably the best thing to do, Random. Been some great posts on this thread, but Ruby's speaks loudest to me. (*waves to Ruby*)
Seems like these days, so many feel like if things don't work out the way they want in a certain area, they've "wasted" their time. Meanwhile, if things DID work out for you and this woman, it doesn't mean that everything else in your life would have been smooth sailing.
The Butterfly Effect. A butterfly flaps its little wings in Africa...a hurricane develops. OR, the same butterfly sleeps during those seconds. Does a hurricane develop anyway? Sometimes I believe that we don't realize how connected life is...
You have your future ahead of you. Right now, you have no idea if your experience --even if you perceive it to be a 'waste'-- may contribute to a brighter future. Maybe you HAD to go through this to learn to appreciate what you have...or to learn patience...or understanding...or tolerance...or simply to learn what you DON'T want.
In any case Random, we're not going to get EVERYTHING we want in life. But that doesn't mean it's a life "wasted".
Could've been my caution that got her worse actually.
At around 3 yrs she wanted some real commitment and marriage become a really big thing and she went through and did huge things for us she did deserve it for sure.
Things started going a bit pear shaped later on partly her giving up l think but she just didn't seem to understand. There were things l needed to see and trust and feel right about to ever marry again but a lot of those actually got worse not better.
Could've been my caution that got her worse actually.
At around 3 yrs she wanted some real commitment and marriage become a really big thing and she went through and did huge things for us she did deserve it for sure.
Things started going a bit pear shaped later on partly her giving up l think but she just didn't seem to understand. There were things l needed to see and trust and feel right about to ever marry again but a lot of those actually got worse not better.
I never had a relationship go longer than 3 months (for varying reasons) until I met the love of my life at age 27. 35 years later and we are even more deeply in love.
My wife is my best friend, along with our daughter.
Of course, a lot actually.
But often people with mh problems can't see some things that look fine to her, they often can't see themselves and things they do.
Other stuff she just didn't wanna know or do anything about it sooo, nothing improved. Actually seeing herself or admitting to anything even outside of MH was never one of her strong points anyway so that didn't help either.
PS, thanks for your other post to btw, and to Ruby's too that was a great way to look at things.
The waste thing ldk. lt's not like it was a waste as such we had some incredible times , it's just at this age you don't wanna go wasting yrs on dead ends so to speak, for want of a better way to put it.
But yeah maybe it does have a purpose and leads to somewhere yet, who knows eh
I never had a relationship go longer than 3 months (for varying reasons) until I met the love of my life at age 27. 35 years later and we are even more deeply in love.
My wife is my best friend, along with our daughter.
Feel like l've just wasted 5yrs yrs l really didn't wanna waste at this age, shorter side of 50s.
l don't know how do you look at it. The positives, the fun, the intimate times and ways that were so special, be grateful and now life moves on, or what.
Or l could go the other way and curse myself a few more yrs now for ignoring all the signs very early in . although, there were also extreme and very special positives to and they are why l persisted but the odds weren't great even with those and here we are anyway. There's 5 or 6 pages of the crap somewhere here from a yr or two back nope l don't wanna go digging it up but from that alone most would've ran for sure 2 yrs ago. Did my head in just trying to explain alone the dramas.
l couldn't afford 5 yrs , holy hell l'd not long come out of a 22yrs marriage.
lf you've been there how have you looked at it , is there a way ?
File under "Live and Learn", and move on with your life.
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