Any other women late 20s or early 30s that are thinking about conceiving with their man or already trying to? (normal, health)

[Mightyqueen801]

I had my one and only at 33. Married at 31.

It did change our relationship, but the problems were already there, and it does not seem that you are in that situation. My ex had substance abusive problems and unresolved childhood trauma from his own drunkass abusive father whom he found dead when he was 14, and I did not come from that background and did not understand why, when he had a child, he began to turn into his own father. I assumed he would want to be the opposite, but that's not how it worked.

That was long ago, and he and our daughter now have a good-enough relationship. She and I have a great relationship.

As far as having "older" parents goes, our daughter did very well. She is 30, just earned her PhD, and is starting a great new job in a new city. She herself has had a tubal ligation because she has never wanted children.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

I had my one and only at 33. Married at 31.

It did change our relationship, but the problems were already there, and it does not seem that you are in that situation. My ex had substance abusive problems and unresolved childhood trauma from his own drunkass abusive father whom he found dead when he was 14, and I did not come from that background and did not understand why, when he had a child, he began to turn into his own father. I assumed he would want to be the opposite, but that's not how it worked.

I’m so sorry to hear this^^ MQ. I’m lucky that my husband & I love our life together AND I think we would be really good parents…neither of us comes from abusive families. BUT we don’t have a lot of time to figure it out because he is in his 40s.

Don’t you think tho…a baby changes any relationship? I’m asking your advice because you have been through it. IMO it’s almost like it would change happy marriages the most.

[happygrrrl]

I had my daughter when I was 33. All the parents we hung out with were older than us, I had a lot of energy, so I didn't feel like an "older" parent. Having a kid will definitely change your lifestyle. For example, I love travel. We still traveled, we just dragged her with us & didn't travel as much as I would have liked to. Also, there was a lot less self-indulgence. Kids cost money. Ours went to private school...there went the new car. Also I was a SAH parent for awhile & career catch-up was a nightmare.

That same daughter is around your age now & she & spouse are not having children. Why? Because they like their lives the way they are living them. They can do what they want when they want. I think that is what you need to consider the most. Even with helpful grandparents, or a nanny, the end responsibility is yours.

However, I disagree that you're running out of time. There are many new moms in their 40s & dads in their 50s now days. It's not unusual anymore. My mother was in her early 40s & my father pushing 50 when I was born, & that was long before fertility treatment was available. They were terrible parents, but not because of their age.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

ITA we don’t have a lot of time to think about & it could take several months for me to get pregnant too.

You're right, it could take months to get pregnant. If you have never been pregnant, you don't know if you can or can't. Mother nature may just step in to give the final say whether it's yes you can or for some reason you can not.

Getting pregnant can happen quickly but it also could take a while. If you would need to see a fertility specialist, they want you actively trying for a good length of time, say 6 months to over a year before they'll even consider testing both of you. If it did not happen fast then it may end up taking a year or so.

Best advice I can give you is to keep it to yourself, I would not mention it to your mother or friends until you hit the safe part of a pregnancy. You don't need people who mean well to be interested in how you're making out with getting pregnant. If you have a friend who had a hard time, that could be a positive so she could give you emotional support if you need it.

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

He was unable to grieve completely because he was helping the baby’s mom AND trying to be strong support for her. That was years ago tho & he has grieved ofc. He talks more openly about it now than he did when I first met him. That was then…this is now.

Another baby can’t replace one he lost tho….so IMO, it’s not a part of our decision. We keep it separate.

I know that you're a big part of why he finally was able to grieve. To me, it says you must be very special in his life back when he posted it. Some people do not let other people in to their feelings about something like that. Your relationship seems to be great, so you have a good foundation before having a baby. As long as you both are on the same page with everything, having a baby could bring you two even closer together.

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

Well…the hesitation is thinking about if it would change us a lot. I love us & our life together, but I hear from some of my friends or ppl I work with how much their marriages changed….not in a good way.

I think many of us mothers would tell you the truth of how exhausting the first few years can be. Add to it your hormones go nuts not only during pregnancy, but after. It could affect you for a year or two where hopefully he will know that this is not how Tasha had been in your 4 year relationship, that your body is still adjusting to your hormones regulating.

I know someone who was totally opposite of themselves for two years. Their partner did not understand, so it went down hill.

As for wanting to stay home with the baby/child for a few years, if you're the type that likes to work, you may find yourself to have a hard time staying home. Not working is not for everyone.

Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele

You've been married at or around a year now, and are in your mid 30s and he in his mid 40s, correct? And, you have been thinking about this for quite some time (according to your posts). You two are no longer young adults and have had plenty of time to live your lives without children, so if you are both truly ready... The only thing TO IT is to DO IT. Do it while you are still young enough and have the energy for them.

My wife and I had our first at 29 and 34 and our second almost 7 years later. That seven years was a BIG difference and he was A LOT fussier and required much more attention than our first. You've been posting about this long enough that it seems if you didn't at least try to have a child, you might not be happy about it in the long run...so if you're ready go for it and TTC.

Lots of baby dust and best wishes to you if you guys decide to go that route.

That's what I think, if they do not even try, they both could regret the decision.

My hub and I never had one together, his was an adult, I had a teen plus one that was about 10. We counted on his brother or son to try to have a son but it didn't happen so no one to carry on the last name which is a huge shame because hubs grandmother died when his dad was young, his dad was the only child they had together. My hub is one of 8 kids, 3 are boys. One had no kids, the other had a daughter. My stepson has a teen daughter.

If I could do it over I would at least have tried to see if I could get pregnant because you never know when we take birth control, depending on what it is, it could have done a number on our body or find out we didn't need to take birth control all those years because we couldn't conceive due to XYZ. It's happened to enough people that I'm not surprised when I hear another person saying they could not get pregnant.

If they decided to do that, if she does get pregnant, then you go to the next hurdle, waiting a few months before telling anyone to make sure your body does not void it. Look at Britney Spears who was pregnant but recently lost their baby. She has a few years on Tasha, who knows how many eggs Britney even has left. We know she had 2 kids 15 years ago, but she's had an IUD, we don't know which one, if it had hormones in it or not. Also due to her age, her eggs are at the end of their life.

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

He is in his mid 40’s & I’m just over 30. We have been thinking about it since my pregnancy “scare”…even tho we’re using birth control. I have to admit since learning I wasn’t pregnant, I was a little disappointed…we both were. It’s kind of a wave of emotions up & down when you think you might be unexpectedly pregnant & then find out you aren’t.

You really have some soul searching to do. I'm not surprised to read what you're saying. I wondered if this would happen, that you guys may change your minds.

Having a kid doesn't have to change your relationship if you have a good foundation and you're both on the same page about how you're going to raise it or them, especially with punishing them, also would you two be the type to keep a tight schedule where the baby goes to bed at a certain time so that you have the night to yourselves. Mine went to sleep between 8 and 9pm. Then the night was ours so that we could do whatever to catch up with each other, have a nice dinner, go have sex lol Sex sometimes suffers when mom is exhausted from being up with the baby who was sick or teething.

I agree with you that if you're seriously going to have one to start trying now because he isn't getting any younger. You also don't know how easily you'll get pregnant or not after being on birth control.

You're right Tasha when you mention your friends kids are not your own. It is totally different IMO. The love you will feel for your own is totally different then love you may feel with a friends baby or kid

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

If you have never been pregnant, you don't know if you can or can't. Mother nature may just step in to give the final say whether it's yes you can or for some reason you can not.

Originally Posted by Roselvr

Getting pregnant can happen quickly but it also could take a while. If you would need to see a fertility specialist, they want you actively trying for a good length of time, say 6 months to over a year before they'll even consider testing both of you. If it did not happen fast then it may end up taking a year or so.

Tho I know we would never see a fertility specialist because we both really had decided we wouldn’t be planning for a baby when we got married. It’s the false pregnancy scare that got our minds back on it…especially mine. So we either go off birth control for 6 months to a year & try to get pregnant….or we don’t. We think it will be easy for me to get pregnant tho AND if it’s not…we would just go back to our 1st plan.

Originally Posted by Roselvr

I know that you're a big part of why he finally was able to grieve. To me, it says you must be very special in his life back when he posted it.

Thank you Rose….this^^ was super kind of you to say. I wanted to be there for him because I think for several years before we met, he kept it inside a lot. It’s been much easier for him to talk about it now AND it was important that we look at it totally separate from the 2 of us having a baby or not. Because even if we did have a baby, it’s not a replacement for what he lost.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

I'm not surprised to read what you're saying. I wondered if this would happen, that you guys may change your minds.

Forgot this^^ in my last post. We haven’t changed our minds yet….BUT…thank you for seeing that sometimes ppl do. IMO it’s not about taking the advice of anybody on such a super personal issue but I do like hearing other women’s POV who may be a little undecided themselves. I thought it would be fun to talk about with other women tho…because my husband & I have talked about it a lot AND been open to it since my pregnancy scare.

It’s hard to find tho….my social media is full of women my age who want a baby or had a baby. It’s a little harder to find women my age who are undecided AND who have an older husband. If he was closer to my age, we could just wait & it would be no big deal.

[happygrrrl]

Since you don't acknowledge my contribution to your question, my advice is to what many do, roll the dice, accept the consequences. Maybe find a different social media forum that skews more toward your age.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by happygrrrl

However, I disagree that you're running out of time. There are many new moms in their 40s & dads in their 50s now days. It's not unusual anymore. My mother was in her early 40s & my father pushing 50 when I was born, & that was long before fertility treatment was available. They were terrible parents, but not because of their age.

I have plenty of time…but my husband is already in his 40s. Tbh, my husband is open to what I want to do….BUT I know he wouldn’t want to be a new dad in his 50s. The longer it goes, the more locked we probably will become. AND I never said that older parents make bad parents ofc…but I’m so sorry about yours.

Originally Posted by happygrrrl

Since you don't acknowledge my contribution to your question, my advice is to what many do, roll the dice, accept the consequences. Maybe find a different social media forum that skews more toward your age.

Thank you….I explained in my previous post^^ the hard time I was having connecting with women my age who are in the same spot. Most every one I know on my social media that is around my age…late 20s & early 30s…has had a baby or wants a baby. Some know they don’t want one. BUT my situation is more unique among married women my age…especially because my husband is older & so we can’t just do a wait & see thing. I know that you disagree^^ but I really do feel like we have to decide soon or put it to rest. This is all because of my pregnancy scare.

I don’t want to “roll the dice” when it comes to such a serious decision tho.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

I would love to hear your thoughts….on excitement & anticipation but also fears & hesitation. All welcome & no judgment. Thank you!

How are you guys making out? Been thinking about you.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

How are you guys making out? Been thinking about you.

Hi Rose! Thank you…been thinking about you too.