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During my commute to work in the mornings, there is a radio talk show that I listen to. Each day they have what they call "Couple's Court". A couple agrees to share a disagreement with the public, and they each have a "say" in what the issue is. The station allows 5-6 listeners to call in and choose a side, so to speak. The couple has already agreed that the one with more "votes" will win the disagreement, and things will go their way.
The other day it was quite interesting. I'm going to give you the stories from each side, and just curious what you think about it and who's side you are on.
.
THE ISSUE:
Kim has been dating John for 3 years. They have been a solid and happy couple, and both of them are 24 years old. Kim has a roomie and John has his own place. Both are in their last year of college and working part time. Kim has a kink come up with her roommate and has to move out.
Kim's Side:
Kim says she asked John if she could just move in with him and he did not think that was a good idea with them both still in school and their ages. That was a little too serious for him at this point. So, Kim puts an add out there and got a bite pretty quick. An old high school friend was also looking for a roommate, and would she like to rent a place together? THE FRIEND IS A GUY. John has a big issue with this and said absolutely not, but Kim has to relocate as soon as possible and there were no other hits for a roommate. She doesn't understand why, since she asked him first and he said "no", why he has a problem with her living with a platonic guy friend.
John's Side:
John loves Kim and he can see a future with her. He sees things getting more serious, but in a more natural way. He wanted them to finish school, secure good jobs, move forward with their careers for a couple of years and then plan to marry. That was the original plan. He also thinks that, with them being just 24 and not even out of school, that moving in could cause issues due to money and other issues. He doesn't think it's a good idea, he wants things to be planned, not rushed in to.
He also has a big problem with her roomie being a guy. He thought she'd find a girl to room with and this is causing a problem with them. He thinks with them living together (Kim and friend), that it is inevitable that they will sometimes run into each other in the hall or walk in on each other in the bathroom or whatever, all of it makes him feel very bad and he will not be OK with that at all.
So, about 5 people called in, saying that "oh hell no, if he said she couldn't move in with him, then she has every right to move wherever she wants and he should not have a problem with it. He's being jealous and insecure." That is what all but one said. So the girl wins, the argument is over and she will move in with the guy.
My thoughts:
John is a level headed young man with goals set for his future, hoping she will be in it. This is not a jealousy issue, it is not an insecurity problem. This is a RESPECT issue. Would she like it if he got a cute little roommate? Hell no, that would not work for me and my fiance'. I'm completely on the guy's side. i think she's being manipulative to a certain degree because he told her she shouldn't move in with him at his place, so she'll show him. I think she may have just cut her own throat. Or as my brother would say "**** in her own mess kit".
John sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. Hard to find these days. He will eventually end their relationship and I don't blame him. I would never disrespect my fiance' like that and expect him to "deal with it."
It's worthy to have goals but John sounds controlling.
Compromise goes both ways. Kim asked him if she could move in with him, he said no, for his reasons, not Kim's.
Kim complied with his decision, advertised for a roommate, got a response.
Who happened to be an old HS guy friend.
John might not like it but John has no right to approve of Kim's roommates, male or female.
Whether Kim and roomie see each other coming out of the bathroom occasionally isn't John's concern. Doesn't he trust Kim? RESPECT also goes both ways. John should respect Kim's integrity and character.
Also Kim is in a bind, has to move quickly and John is standing in the way, doing nothing to help Kim.
John has revealed some serious character issues in this incident.
Whether Kim and roomie see each other coming out of the bathroom occasionally isn't John's concern. Doesn't he trust Kim? RESPECT also goes both ways. John should respect Kim's integrity and character.
Agreed. The question isn't what John sees as their future, it's whether or not he trusts her.
If John doesn't want Kim to do this--KNOWING that time is of the essence--then John needs to STEP UP.
And knowing that time is of the essence, what does John suggest?
Probably nothing, if I had to guess.
After 3 years, John's had enough time. Yes, or no. Plenty of happily married couples started out as students in college...and dirt poor. And they go on to live happily ever after, even though their beginning was a bit rocky. If this woman is the woman of his dreams, then he shouldn't let ANYTHING hold him back. And neither should she.
It's one thing to be practical. If true love is on the line, ska-ROO practicality. Sort of.
Make a new plan. Together. Figure out the options. Together. Compromise. Negotiate. Together.
What John wants...envisions...shouldn't be a deal-breaker. Sometimes, you just have to adapt. And improvise.
Last edited by Mink57; 03-14-2024 at 03:19 PM..
Reason: If
3 years is long enough to move in together. He is making up excuses and the fact that he rather has her live with a guy than have her move in, speaks for itself. He was never serious about her.
He should have offered her to move in the moment she was faced with a move.
During my commute to work in the mornings, there is a radio talk show that I listen to. Each day they have what they call "Couple's Court". A couple agrees to share a disagreement with the public, and they each have a "say" in what the issue is. The station allows 5-6 listeners to call in and choose a side, so to speak. The couple has already agreed that the one with more "votes" will win the disagreement, and things will go their way.
The other day it was quite interesting. I'm going to give you the stories from each side, and just curious what you think about it and who's side you are on.
.
THE ISSUE:
Kim has been dating John for 3 years. They have been a solid and happy couple, and both of them are 24 years old. Kim has a roomie and John has his own place. Both are in their last year of college and working part time. Kim has a kink come up with her roommate and has to move out.
Kim's Side:
Kim says she asked John if she could just move in with him and he did not think that was a good idea with them both still in school and their ages. That was a little too serious for him at this point. So, Kim puts an add out there and got a bite pretty quick. An old high school friend was also looking for a roommate, and would she like to rent a place together? THE FRIEND IS A GUY. John has a big issue with this and said absolutely not, but Kim has to relocate as soon as possible and there were no other hits for a roommate. She doesn't understand why, since she asked him first and he said "no", why he has a problem with her living with a platonic guy friend.
John's Side:
John loves Kim and he can see a future with her. He sees things getting more serious, but in a more natural way. He wanted them to finish school, secure good jobs, move forward with their careers for a couple of years and then plan to marry. That was the original plan. He also thinks that, with them being just 24 and not even out of school, that moving in could cause issues due to money and other issues. He doesn't think it's a good idea, he wants things to be planned, not rushed in to.
He also has a big problem with her roomie being a guy. He thought she'd find a girl to room with and this is causing a problem with them. He thinks with them living together (Kim and friend), that it is inevitable that they will sometimes run into each other in the hall or walk in on each other in the bathroom or whatever, all of it makes him feel very bad and he will not be OK with that at all.
So, about 5 people called in, saying that "oh hell no, if he said she couldn't move in with him, then she has every right to move wherever she wants and he should not have a problem with it. He's being jealous and insecure." That is what all but one said. So the girl wins, the argument is over and she will move in with the guy.
My thoughts:
John is a level headed young man with goals set for his future, hoping she will be in it. This is not a jealousy issue, it is not an insecurity problem. This is a RESPECT issue. Would she like it if he got a cute little roommate? Hell no, that would not work for me and my fiance'. I'm completely on the guy's side. i think she's being manipulative to a certain degree because he told her she shouldn't move in with him at his place, so she'll show him. I think she may have just cut her own throat. Or as my brother would say "**** in her own mess kit".
John sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. Hard to find these days. He will eventually end their relationship and I don't blame him. I would never disrespect my fiance' like that and expect him to "deal with it."
Those are my thoughts, what are yours?
I don’t agree with you. John doesn’t want her to move in with him so, theyre not living together, they’re not engaged, and they certainly aren’t married. So, what right does John have to tell her what to do? Maybe John has to start making some decisions?
So John doesn't want her to move in with a guy. But she cannot find a girl and he doesn't want her to move in. So what does John want her to do??? Live in her car???
I get it if John doesn't want to rush moving in together... but what was his suggestion, then, of what she should do re: finding a roommate ASAP? If this guy is the only one who wants to move in with her right now, what else can she do? I'm assuming John thinks she specifically sought out this guy as a roommate and refused to look for female roommates? Does John know what kind of effort she made to find a roommate or is he just assuming she didn't try hard enough?
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