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Thanks for the advice. Yes, I received an invitation and my niece wants me there. We have been very close through the years. I have taken her on vacations. We text once or twice a week and she sends me memes and posts she thinks I would like.
If she hadn’t asked me multiple times, I would not even consider going - I don’t need the stress.
I feel that if I don’t attend, it will upset her.
Some friends familiar with the situation say I should attend the ceremony, then make a short appearance at the reception.
Well if you feel you have to go, skip the reception. She will be too busy to notice and you will have signed the book at the wedding ceremony, so she will know you attended.
Give your niece your congratulations, good wishes, and gift or whatever at another time. Lots of people who can't attend an actual wedding for various reasons do the same. Because you communicate all the time already, sounds as if there are multiple opportunities.
You could also attend the ceremony, just skip the reception. The ceremony is the meaningful part after all. Obnoxious, out-of-control people are less likely to cause a ruckus in front of an officiant while vows are being exchanged. Besides, if alcohol tends to fuel this family fire, there wouldn't be any.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-30-2024 at 03:43 PM..
Thanks for the advice. Yes, I received an invitation and my niece wants me there. We have been very close through the years. I have taken her on vacations. We text once or twice a week and she sends me memes and posts she thinks I would like.
If she hadn’t asked me multiple times, I would not even consider going - I don’t need the stress.
I feel that if I don’t attend, it will upset her.
Some friends familiar with the situation say I should attend the ceremony, then make a short appearance at the reception.
It sounds like you really want to go even though almost everyone here is wisely telling you not to go. If it affects your relationship with your niece you might regret missing the wedding. Just attending the ceremony and leaving early could be a good compromise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1928
My brother in law has threatened to beat me up twice after many years of verbal abuse.This time he went on a 30-40 minute tirade and had me up against a glass door. My sister defended him and told me to leave. I was not harmed but my blood pressure put me in the hospital. There have been various other actions against me which have caused me mental and financial harm.
I suggest transforming yourself so you unaffected by any future threats. Here are some ideas to get started.
1)Join a warrior gym like the Metroflex Gym and massively increase your strength.
2)Start doing martial arts. For the fastest progress get private lessons in Muay Thai, Boxing or Jiu Jitsu. You could also try a Kyokushin class if that style is available in your area.
3)Consider joining a Tai Chi group. It will help you stay calm and Tai Chi practice is very beneficial for healthy blood pressure.
What did she say when you asked her that.
You seem reluctant to speak with someone you say you are close to....
It seems to me that if she didn't want him there she wouldn't have sent an invitation. And since the girl's father seems to be the aggressor/problem, perhaps he needs to grow up. OP is taking a lot of heat that I'd turn around on dad.
That said, the niece will probably survive whether uncle goes or not. But if I was the uncle, I'd sure as hell tell her what the problem was.
Explain the situation. Be honest. Spend time with her after the wedding. OR just go to the ceremony. Is your crazy brother going to attack you during a marriage ceremony? Is he suffering from dementia? How old are you folks.
Personally, I wouldn't go because I would not want to spoil her day. You can make it up afterwards or....^^ see above. Go for the ceremony and then bounce.
It seems to me that if she didn't want him there she wouldn't have sent an invitation.
I agree. She does want him there.
My response was to his question: If your uncle doesn’t come to your wedding, wouldn’t that be hurtful?
He needs to ask HER that question, not US.
Will she be hurt if he doesn't attend? Only she knows.
I wonder if she is even aware of the animosity.
If she is, I wonder why she is inviting such drama into her special day...
Tell your niece you want to go. Tell her you'll sit in the back so it won't upset her dad and ask her if her dad knows he's invited and if he's okay with it. If you go to the reception stay in the background and let her dad have his day as father of the bride.
This seems very similar to exes and second spouses at weddings = people with volatile pasts holding it together and acting like adults for a day, being polite and not interfering or causing drama. At this point it doesn't matter who did what, it's about the bride and groom.
My brother in law has threatened to beat me up twice after many years of verbal abuse.This time he went on a 30-40 minute tirade and had me up against a glass door. My sister defended him and told me to leave. I was not harmed but my blood pressure put me in the hospital. There have been various other actions against me which have caused me mental and financial harm.
Their daughter, my niece, knows I am not speaking to them but I have not told her why. Now she is getting married and I want to attend her wedding. I'm afraid it will be a hornet's nest since various family friends have How do I handle this?been turned against me as I have remained silent about what happened and they are apparently denigrating me.
1. I wouldn't go anywhere near the wedding.
2. I would send a nice card and maybe a check as my wedding gift.
If you absolutely HAVE to go, just attend the wedding.
Slip in at the last minute, sit in the back of the church and slip out quickly when it's over.
Don't go to the reception. Animosity mixed with alcohol makes a wicked recipe for disaster.
You love your niece? OK, then don't have a part in ruining her wedding day. You can't control HIS behavior but you CAN control yours. Do the right thing and don't be a cause for a fight.
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