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It would be weird IMHO, and it's not something I would do. I'd stay away from a player too, just not someone I'd want to connect with even informally.
I do understand being curious, but I would just do things anonymously. I for example ran into an old boyfriend's mom at my mom's funeral and talked to her quite a while and asked about her son (I dated him for two years - broke up right before graduating from college - didn't see a future and want him following me to my new city and job / transferring schools - wanted a clean single start for myself). Her son also posted an incredible tribute about my mom online. I had no interest in reconnection (I'm happily married, have a grown son, and that old relationship was 43 years ago). This encounter did though make me curious and I googled him to find out more info (looks like he is doing great). This got me curious about another old boyfriend too (A guy I dated my first two years in college), and I googled him and looks like he is doing great too. For me, though, that's as far as I went / would go. I don't see the point in going further if all you are is curious and aren't interested in any kind of reconnection. It seems kind of weird / creepy to me to reconnect - what's the point. But I would make your own judgement and do what you are compelled to do.
Disclosure: I'm not a big social media person and don't initiate friend requests with people unless they are someone that I would be interested in seeing in person some day for example if I were passing thru where they live on travels (would take the time to take them out to dinner). I'd stay clear of old flames unless I was single and possibly interested in reconnecting and putting a friend request out there as a feeler. That's just me and you were asking for other people's thoughts / opinions. I'm one to stay away from exes - just don't see the point. I'm also someone who has never gotten back together with an ex. There was a reason we broke off and I'd be leery of having a friendship with an ex too (There could be latent feelings on one of the sides that might make that uncomfortable for one or both of the parties and current significant others might be bothered by that too. To me it's just asking for complications / trouble and doesn't make sense.).
Others though are big into social media and like to do friends requests with all kinds of acquaintances / connections from the past.
The fact that you can't message him without adding him as a "friend" tells me that he doesn't want contact from anyone he is not actually already connected with, at least, not through Facebook. Don't add him as a friend without more context- I think that would be too weird.
I guess if you bump into other social media of his outside of fb, you can try one message, but I wouldn't go out of your way to do so. What happened was so long ago. So it is cool you seem willing to let that go or that it no longer phases you.
I often wonder about old flames and will see if they're on social media. If it's public and I'll check out their page but I don't go as far as to send a friend request. I'm nosy but not to the extent of reestablishing contact.
If I were to get a friend request from an old flame, I wouldn't think it's weird but I wouldn't approve it. I just wouldn't be interested in doing so.
I'm the same. I will snoop, but that is the extent of it. This person has made it quite clear from their settings that they aren't interested in connecting, so I wouldn't be looking for ways around that boundary.
I'll take it in a different direction though. What's going on in the OP's life that she is thinking about the ex-BF 30 years later? I can't see any upsides to going so far backward.
I'm the same. I will snoop, but that is the extent of it. This person has made it quite clear from their settings that they aren't interested in connecting, so I wouldn't be looking for ways around that boundary.
I'll take it in a different direction though. What's going on in the OP's life that she is thinking about the ex-BF 30 years later? I can't see any upsides to going so far backward.
Why does there have to be something going on. Dont you ever think about old flames or old friends?
I do it all the time. My mind wonders or something makes me think of someone. I have done the same using FB to just to say hey, how ya doin. It does not mean I want to be intimate again.
I'm the same. I will snoop, but that is the extent of it. This person has made it quite clear from their settings that they aren't interested in connecting, so I wouldn't be looking for ways around that boundary.
I'll take it in a different direction though. What's going on in the OP's life that she is thinking about the ex-BF 30 years later? I can't see any upsides to going so far backward.
This person has their account set on "friends only" probably, which doesn't necessarily indicate he doesn't want more friends.
I'd just like to know how he's doing, what might have happened in his life over the years.... etc.
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Why?
After all those years, other than being nosey, there really is no reason why you would need to know what he is doing or what he is up to.
Leave the past where it it, in the past.
After all those years, other than being nosey, there really is no reason why you would need to know what he is doing or what he is up to.
Leave the past where it it, in the past.
I don't think it is a good idea, JMO.
That's where I'm at. What is driving the need to reconnect with someone you dated 30 years ago? I don't think curiosity is good enough.
The times I'm creeping around on Facebook, I am definitely bored and have better uses for my time. What's so interesting about someone from 30 years ago, that you didn't keep in contact with, that you need to know things about them now?
That's where I'm at. What is driving the need to reconnect with someone you dated 30 years ago? I don't think curiosity is good enough.
The times I'm creeping around on Facebook, I am definitely bored and have better uses for my time. What's so interesting about someone from 30 years ago, that you didn't keep in contact with, that you need to know things about them now?
Isn't reconnecting what FB is for?
I think its weird that some of you admit you are creeping around on FB looking up people from the past out of curiosity, but you discourage the OP from directly contacting this guy to see how he is doing.
I contacted a few old flames. Caught up, had a few nice conversations, talked about old times, mutual friends, etc. That was it. It was all good. I was actually friends with some before we flamed and friends with some after.
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