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It's 2024. Most people have unlimited text, and it's the easiest and most expeditious way to communicate, especially when multiple people are involved. And you're sending mixed messages and confusing matters by sometimes texting, sometimes not. Even after establishing that you prefer email, you text. Sorry OP, but you're the frustrating one in this situation. I get that you're a luddite, but don't expect others to cater to that.
That really irks me.
I'm not saying the OP is completely in the clear, but saying "it's 2024" makes the assumption that the OP's relative is in the right simply because she has done what's "right" by societal standards, when what's right and wrong is purely subjective to each individual. Why is the relative any more right than the OP, when both have their preferred method of communications? Simply because she's doing what society says to do? That's like saying, "It's the 1850's. Just buy some slaves to take care of the farm!". Society is not always right, and I would gander to say that happens the majority of the time.
Smartphones have done a real number on all of our brains. The only way I found to break my smartphone addiction was to leave it turned off and in a drawer for a couple of weeks. Once broken of my affliction, I realized just how they've changed people. Therefore, I applaud the OP's refusal to do what's "right". That said, I don't think either person is right. But, the OP was asking someone else to do something. Therefore, the relative had the right to accept or refuse and her preferred method of communication should have been honored. I don't think it's right for the OP to demand someone else cater to his standards, in this particular case, when the other person didn't initiate this and therefore doesn't have to do anything.
Not everyone checks their email every day. I can understand not wanting to make 20 texts (or emails) to set something up. Also, the more people involved in something (another cousin) the more difficult setting up something that works for everyone.
I am guessing seeing any relatives is secondary to what you what to do on these trips. The cousins are not a priority. The easiest thing to do would be to say I can see you -date, time, place - I hope you are available, if not maybe I will catch you next time. Send the message or email to each cousin. Maybe one will be able to make it.
It is funny that you haven't gone unlimited considering how cheap it is. I am not a phone person either. Few people have my cell number. I still keep a landline for business purposes. It keeps me from getting calls when I am out. I don't need to be available to everyone 24/7. With my cell phone it also alerts me if any email comes in. Works pretty much the same as text.
I do not think either of you have a problem - it simply isn't important to either one of you as to whether or not you see each other. Just give it up. You both must have better things to do.
I don’t understand why you’re making plans and travelling yet you turn your phone off.
Email isn’t really conducive to that type of situation and getting in contact immediately. You cut yourself off from them and wonder why you got the reaction you did?
It sounds like you’re not really that interested in seeing them. I had a relative who was confined to a wheelchair due to MS. She often would decline invitations saying “it’s too hard to get into that place” - this was before widespread adoption of ADA. But if it was something she REALLY wanted to do, she always found a way to get there.
Neither made an effort to see one another over the years.
OP communicates via whatever mode of communication is convenient for her at the time. Relative communicates via her prefrence.
OP decides on the venue and then disagreement and back and forth.
OP missed text messages.
This is what I call a relationship of convenience. It became inconvenient for both parties. The end.
P.S. A someone who similarly prefers e-mail, for communications involving plans with multiple people that are time sensitive and subject to change (which most are), I use text messaging.
Last edited by Maddie104; 04-18-2024 at 01:05 PM..
I am not into texting either and only use it for a few purposes, sending one off messages like "Happy Birthday" or "Thanks" or confirming a meet-up "be there in 5 minutes" etc. I do find texts useful for appointment reminders and delivery alerts.
I absolutely hate engaging in long back and forth text conversations. I never have and probably never will be part of a "group text".
Best to be willing to meet people half way, insisting on email only is going to seem strange to most people. Maybe consider setting up a text to email converter and one for voicemails also. Then you will not miss voicemails and text messages if you are only checking email and vice versa for the text only people.
I don’t understand why you’re making plans and travelling yet you turn your phone off.
Email isn’t really conducive to that type of situation and getting in contact immediately. You cut yourself off from them and wonder why you got the reaction you did?
Because I don't care to be staring at my phone. I want to be enjoying the experience. I don't wish to join Zombie Nation. I HAVE my phone if I need it. I DON'T need it on 24/7 if I'm just walking around on a solo jaunt.
Again...the first time, I had no reason to EXPECT to be in touch with them; one was busy, the other didn't like the weather, so it was decided we'd try another time; it was settled.
The second time, I was just asking if they would be available (again, no pressure) on that date (it's a group trip on short notice; the date wasn't determined by me). There was NO reason she couldn't have simply emailed "yes" or "no" and, as I said, we'd go from there, but she refused.
Again...I'd have switched to text if we had a meeting planned, but we didn't yet.
I concur that neither of us cares all that much, especially now that I know she's yet another of those insufferable tech bullies and snobs.
Last edited by otterhere; 04-18-2024 at 04:38 PM..
Not really sure what all this has to do with "family values". Seems to be more about how differently people choose to relay everyday information, not the moral/ethical values they happen to hold. Can someone accuse another person of moral bankruptcy because they make use of one device over another? Because they choose to pay for one service over another?
One thing I've learned is that electronic communication doesn't relay "tone": "coldness", anger, frustration, sadness, on and on. It also lacks spontaneity and lag times can make motives appear more ulterior than they are. As the OP found out. Text is probably the worst in regard to tone. Email second, but if someone is already on the lookout for excuses to be offended, more likely that an electronic message will be misconstrued.
Another thing I've learned is more problems people face than they realize really are of their own making. Doesn't stop them from complaining.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-18-2024 at 05:07 PM..
Not really sure what all this has to do with "family values". Seems to be more about how differently people choose to relay everyday information, not the moral/ethical values they happen to hold. Can someone accuse another person of moral bankruptcy because they make use of one device over another?
I was just looking for a catchy title. Don't be so literal.
Despite spending many many years working for cell phone companies (Nokia, Sony Ericsson), I rarely use my cell phone. It sits on my kitchen counter all day and sometimes a text will come in that I don't see for hours. . . . sometimes days. I don't have an unlimited cell phone plan. I buy blocks of pre-paid minutes and do not have data enabled. I use Wi-Fi.
I prefer to use email as I am WAY quicker at typing an email than a text. I'm also sitting in my home office in front of my laptop for a few hours (OK, maybe more than just a few) per day. I can say more in an email, which removes any questions of intent often created by brief texts full of abbreviations.
This, fortunately, has never caused a big problem with my circle of friends/family. My family knows not to include me on group texts (these come across as MMS, not SMS, and therefore require data). If a friend sends me something that I cannot view, I politely ask for a resend and they politely accommodate me.
I think that if you had a closer relationship with your cousins, this may have not turned out as badly as it did. But as you are almost strangers, they seem unwilling to give a little. Perhaps you can look into Mint Mobile for $15/month. That's what my wife ended up doing because her office insisted on communicating certain notices via text messaging.
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