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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalvinT
Over the years I've had to start ignoring some neighbors, family members and coworkers. (Although, in the case of coworkers, I'll still be polite and communicate to get the job done.) This approach works for me.
Sometimes it's been a build-up over time of negative interactions, other times it's one major incident.
I've usually had to take the ignoring approach with people who more often than not have something smart*ss to say.
Do you put people on ignore?
If you do, what does it take for you to take that approach?
In honesty, it does not take a lot for a person to be on my “ignore” criteria. I look at it like this. My time is limited on this earth. I am not going to delegate much of it to people who compromise my peace if I don’t have to. I’m not going to give time to pick up debates where we no in the end things won’t change no matter who wins said debate. I’m not going to forgive people who have caused extensive and some permanent damage in my life.
Your time is limited on this earth folks. Don’t give much of it to people who prove themselves unworthy of it.
In honesty, it does not take a lot for a person to be on my “ignore” criteria. I look at it like this. My time is limited on this earth. I am not going to delegate much of it to people who compromise my peace if I don’t have to. I’m not going to give time to pick up debates where we no in the end things won’t change no matter who wins said debate. I’m not going to forgive people who have caused extensive and some permanent damage in my life.
Your time is limited on this earth folks. Don’t give much of it to people who prove themselves unworthy of it.
In honesty, it does not take a lot for a person to be on my “ignore” criteria. I look at it like this. My time is limited on this earth. I am not going to delegate much of it to people who compromise my peace if I don’t have to. I’m not going to give time to pick up debates where we no in the end things won’t change no matter who wins said debate. I’m not going to forgive people who have caused extensive and some permanent damage in my life.
Your time is limited on this earth folks. Don’t give much of it to people who prove themselves unworthy of it.
I get what you're saying. In my case (not that you asked), I put up with a certain in-law because otherwise it would have been very upsetting to my other family member whom I loved very much. She's gone now, but I'm still "honoring her wishes" in order to keep the family together, although luckily I don't have to be around this person much at all anymore.
I've been told by many people throughout my life that I'm "sensitive." As it turns out, if I have to be around people I don't like, or who don't like me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Chowhound and I agree that after having interacted with this one particular in-law, it feels like you need to take a bath. You feel like you have to "shake her off," and it's a real relief to get away from her. She seems to feed on other people's misery while at the same time viewing herself as a saint, for one thing.
So, I do agree, it's not worth it to spend time around certain people if at all possible.
My biggest pet peeve is when people send me nothing but reels on Messenger, and they end up sending you over 50 videos a day at all times. I have a guy I went to high school with who's now religious, which is fine; he just sends me way too many religious videos and CVs receipt length paragraphs at all hours of the day. I asked a few people, and they said he does the same thing, and they have him ignored too. I made countless posts about how I don't watch reels if you send them to me i won't watch, and people continue to do so, and I ignore them.
I ignore co workers who constantly ask me to switch or pick up their shifts.
People who constantly ask for favors or money.
I have only put one person on ignore in all the years I have read and posted to City-Data and did it so that I would not have to read or see her long-winded, wacky comments about alternative health treatments.
Why would you want to be in someone's life if they don't want you in it? Are these people parents, children, grandchildren or siblings?
My mom is currently trying to get back into a rotten grandkid's life and I asked her "Why do want to continually get your feelings hurt?"
Interesting question. No most of these people are completely unrelated to me.
I mean I’m a huge believer that if you’re very smart tactically and be very sneaky and the ways you approach, you can actually win someone over. It can often be done, but you need to be extremely smart, tactical, and patient. Now you’re not always guaranteed to win that person over, but I’ve done it a few times with just good tactics and patience.
And worst case scenario, it doesn’t end up working out, I send the message that they’ll never get rid of me. So to answer your question, I might’ve let go of the feelings if it doesn’t end up working out in terms of winning them over, but I still like to prove to them that they can never ever completely get me out of their life, and it’s kind of like revenge for them not wanting me in it. It can feel like a chess match at times, and it’s my way of saying: “You think you can beat me in chess like that? Well let’s see for yourself if you can outsmart me.”
Many years ago, when I was a kid growing up in school, I’d often force myself into cliques that students would create without any care at all what they thought about me. I knew they were cliquey and didn’t want me there, but I took so much pleasure in forcing my way into cliques just to get back at them and really get on their nerves, and almost destroying the whole clique.
The other thing I always say when using tactics like this is: always know where your legal boundaries are. There are plenty of sneaky things that can be done, but never cross the legal line cause you get in a big trouble if you do that. There are plenty of things that people find very unethical, hate a lot, and could get extremely uncomfortable by, but are NOT illegal.
Interesting question. No most of these people are completely unrelated to me.
I mean I’m a huge believer that if you’re very smart tactically and be very sneaky and the ways you approach, you can actually win someone over. It can often be done, but you need to be extremely smart, tactical, and patient. Now you’re not always guaranteed to win that person over, but I’ve done it a few times with just good tactics and patience.
And worst case scenario, it doesn’t end up working out, I send the message that they’ll never get rid of me. So to answer your question, I might’ve let go of the feelings if it doesn’t end up working out in terms of winning them over, but I still like to prove to them that they can never ever completely get me out of their life, and it’s kind of like revenge for them not wanting me in it. It can feel like a chess match at times, and it’s my way of saying: “You think you can beat me in chess like that? Well let’s see for yourself if you can outsmart me.”
Many years ago, when I was a kid growing up in school, I’d often force myself into cliques that students would create without any care at all what they thought about me. I knew they were cliquey and didn’t want me there, but I took so much pleasure in forcing my way into cliques just to get back at them and really get on their nerves, and almost destroying the whole clique.
The other thing I always say when using tactics like this is: always know where your legal boundaries are. There are plenty of sneaky things that can be done, but never cross the legal line cause you get in a big trouble if you do that. There are plenty of things that people find very unethical, hate a lot, and could get extremely uncomfortable by, but are NOT illegal.
Oh, I see - you're busting their chops. lol
One of my coworkers I stopped acknowledging tries his 'cute' game with me - He'll wave, try to start conversations, 'dance' in front of me, etc. Apparently, he needs a lot of attention ... it's not going to be from me.
I mean, I can't help but notice him, but if he's trying to annoy me or win me over, it isn't working. I no longer care.
Interesting question. No most of these people are completely unrelated to me.
I mean I’m a huge believer that if you’re very smart tactically and be very sneaky and the ways you approach, you can actually win someone over. It can often be done, but you need to be extremely smart, tactical, and patient. Now you’re not always guaranteed to win that person over, but I’ve done it a few times with just good tactics and patience.
And worst case scenario, it doesn’t end up working out, I send the message that they’ll never get rid of me. So to answer your question, I might’ve let go of the feelings if it doesn’t end up working out in terms of winning them over, but I still like to prove to them that they can never ever completely get me out of their life, and it’s kind of like revenge for them not wanting me in it. It can feel like a chess match at times, and it’s my way of saying: “You think you can beat me in chess like that? Well let’s see for yourself if you can outsmart me.”
Many years ago, when I was a kid growing up in school, I’d often force myself into cliques that students would create without any care at all what they thought about me. I knew they were cliquey and didn’t want me there, but I took so much pleasure in forcing my way into cliques just to get back at them and really get on their nerves, and almost destroying the whole clique.
The other thing I always say when using tactics like this is: always know where your legal boundaries are. There are plenty of sneaky things that can be done, but never cross the legal line cause you get in a big trouble if you do that. There are plenty of things that people find very unethical, hate a lot, and could get extremely uncomfortable by, but are NOT illegal.
I just repped you for being so completely honest -- it is what I suspect someone in my life of doing and what their motivation is -- but I will say that it is no wonder why some people don't want you in your life. You sound miserable to me, and I think you would be happier if you could learn to lose the hate and desire for revenge. You are intelligent, and I think there would be much better ways for you to expend your energy and use your brain. That being said, however, I do think it is pathetic that anyone's major (or even minor) goal in life would be to be a constant thorn in someone's shoe or a painful boil in their backside that won't ever go away -- and if those people weren't so full of hate and so nasty, I would possibly feel sorry for them.
P.S. Btw, I don't know if the person(s) you are 'tormenting' lives very far from you, but since I moved over a thousand miles away from the person who is tormenting me, and I don't even think about her for many weeks at a time. Therefore concerning the person you are 'tormenting', I wonder if you are truly as much a part of their life as you think you are. Maybe they see that it is you when you call or text, and they just roll their eyes and hit Delete without any further reading. If you were disturbing their emotional well-being all that much, they could just get another number; and if you are sending physical mail to them, they could very easily just throw it away without even reading it. (And if you are physically stalking them, they could possibly get a restraining order although that would be more work -- but would you want to risk having that on your record?)
I get what you're saying. In my case (not that you asked), I put up with a certain in-law because otherwise it would have been very upsetting to my other family member whom I loved very much. She's gone now, but I'm still "honoring her wishes" in order to keep the family together, although luckily I don't have to be around this person much at all anymore.
I've been told by many people throughout my life that I'm "sensitive." As it turns out, if I have to be around people I don't like, or who don't like me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Chowhound and I agree that after having interacted with this one particular in-law, it feels like you need to take a bath. You feel like you have to "shake her off," and it's a real relief to get away from her. She seems to feed on other people's misery while at the same time viewing herself as a saint, for one thing.
So, I do agree, it's not worth it to spend time around certain people if at all possible.
Yes there is that marginalizing gaslighting word sensitive i learned as i got older if someone told me that to look at what and why they state I'm sensitive and it boiled down to self serving interest most of the time.
I agree with you, if your instincts are picking up a vibe or a person is acting and saying things that are questionable why hang around them .
Over the years I've had to start ignoring some neighbors, family members and coworkers. (Although, in the case of coworkers, I'll still be polite and communicate to get the job done.) This approach works for me.
Sometimes it's been a build-up over time of negative interactions, other times it's one major incident.
I've usually had to take the ignoring approach with people who more often than not have something smart*ss to say.
Do you put people on ignore?
If you do, what does it take for you to take that approach?
If over a period of time I just don't want to hang out or really befriend a person and they bother the hell out of me, yes, I i will ignore them.
In the case of romantic relationship and I want to get away from someone that isn't good for me, I will ignore them myself (I don't have option to 'ignore' on my phone that I know of). I never block anyone as this (to me) sends a message to their brain that they must be getting to me. Simply ignoring sends a strong message that you aren't interested and to move on and stop calling or texting.
Also, I would change their name to "JERK ---- DO NOT ANSWER". That worked really well for me. I had no clue who it was, but I knew I didn't want to deal with that person, regardless who it was.
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i learned as i got older if someone told me that to look at what and why they state I'm sensitive and it boiled down to self serving interest most of the time. 