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Rather than creating a "conscious dating meetup group" why not plan an activity, like a series of volleyball games? I would love to just get out and play with a bunch of people who want to have fun. The good thing about sports is that it gets you out of the "cave" which we sometimes fall into when things aren't going so well. And then there's the fringe benefit of exercise
Like I said earlier, meeting people is easier when you have a common interest.
I think a series of volleyball games, with picnics, music, etc. for those of us who, alas, are not very athletic would be fun. Definitely a way to get some of us out of our caves and our routines. I am also thinking though that it wouldn't resolve the dating issue. I keep thinking that a lot of folks would turn the event into yet another hookup zone--if that's all they want or know. Who knows? The NYC dating scene just sucks. lol. I have had the best luck just meeting people doing what I love while hanging out with friends--the most beautiful and life-changing at an open mic. Another turned out to be the photographer my boss hired for some headshots required for publicity, pamphlets, etc. Both relationships ended but both were fun and significantly and mutually life-changing.
Rather than creating a "conscious dating meetup group" why not plan an activity, like a series of volleyball games? I would love to just get out and play with a bunch of people who want to have fun. The good thing about sports is that it gets you out of the "cave" which we sometimes fall into when things aren't going so well. And then there's the fringe benefit of exercise
Like I said earlier, meeting people is easier when you have a common interest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
I think a series of volleyball games, with picnics, music, etc. for those of us who, alas, are not very athletic would be fun. Definitely a way to get some of us out of our caves and our routines. I am also thinking though that it wouldn't resolve the dating issue. I keep thinking that a lot of folks would turn the event into yet another hookup zone--if that's all they want or know. Who knows? The NYC dating scene just sucks. lol. I have had the best luck just meeting people doing what I love while hanging out with friends--the most beautiful and life-changing at an open mic. Another turned out to be the photographer my boss hired for some headshots required for publicity, pamphlets, etc. Both relationships ended but both were fun and significantly and mutually life-changing.
Ay, Ay, Ay ... Jesus, Mary and Joseph and Oy Vey! Try to keep an open mind. I know NYC is a difficult place to date in. I have lived here my entire childhood and most of my adult life, and have been through my share of dating drama. That said, step back from dating for a moment and just focus on doing things you want to do. Hopefully through this, you'll come to meet people that you like and even if you don't happen to date someone from that immediate group, your circle expands and you meet more people, who probably are of a similar mindset.
Case in point. I have been a member of a NYC-based ski club since 1992. I learned of it from an ex, who was a member. I also met a guy who was the cousin of one of the members, and eventually met my current SO through the club. Besides that, I have met hundreds of people and traveled across the US and also to France & Italy as a result of this connection. It was all about expanding my circle and finding friends and acquaintances with whom I shared common interests, values and lifestyles.
The other thing is that you don't have to be absolutely Manhattan-centric with your exploration. Even if I was 26 today, I wouldn't want to be one of a hundred wanna bees waiting on line to get into whatever the latest trendy spot may be. F**k that sh*t. People don't even dance anymore . There are plenty of other places to go where there are down to earth people.
Now, I am black, 47 y.o. single/never married, cute but shy, the "nice" type who guys would overlook while checking out my "divalicious" friend, and, I have had my fair share of relationship disappointments because I was a little naïve, having not dated much at my all-female college and spending the entire decade of the '80s in New England. When I returned to NY, I didn't know how the dating game was played and I made a lot of mistakes.
BUT I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and sulk because some of the people in NYC are jerks. I'll bet many of them are here on a temporary pass anyway. My advice to you is to make friends at work and go out with the ones you like. Invite people to do the things you like to do. Pick up the free newspapers and watch NY1 News to learn about interesting events going on around the City.
I've put in a lot of time here and I'm going to continue to try to get the most out of it -- even if it's on this side of the bridges and tunnels. Bottom line is that NYC is a huge place with a whole lot to do and people to meet.
Suggestion: If you like books/poetry, etc ... a classmate of mine formed this organization http://aalbc.com/ and they often host literature-related events around the town. One of my ski club friends is also affiliated, as is a former work colleague. The funny thing is that not one of us realized that we knew the others until we all saw the friendship connection on Facebook . But it goes to prove what I said earlier about people in the same circles sharing the same values, etc.
I'm exiting this thread now cause I think I've said enough. I wish you the best of luck and if you want to play volleyball, I'm more likely to do it in Flushing Meadows Park than in Central Park
Ay, Ay, Ay ... Jesus, Mary and Joseph and Oy Vey! Try to keep an open mind. I know NYC is a difficult place to date in. I have lived here my entire childhood and most of my adult life, and have been through my share of dating drama. That said, step back from dating for a moment and just focus on doing things you want to do. Hopefully through this, you'll come to meet people that you like and even if you don't happen to date someone from that immediate group, your circle expands and you meet more people, who probably are of a similar mindset.
Case in point. I have been a member of a NYC-based ski club since 1992. I learned of it from an ex, who was a member. I also met a guy who was the cousin of one of the members, and eventually met my current SO through the club. Besides that, I have met hundreds of people and traveled across the US and also to France & Italy as a result of this connection. It was all about expanding my circle and finding friends and acquaintances with whom I shared common interests, values and lifestyles.
The other thing is that you don't have to be absolutely Manhattan-centric with your exploration. Even if I was 26 today, I wouldn't want to be one of a hundred wanna bees waiting on line to get into whatever the latest trendy spot may be. F**k that sh*t. People don't even dance anymore . There are plenty of other places to go where there are down to earth people.
Now, I am black, 47 y.o. single/never married, cute but shy, the "nice" type who guys would overlook while checking out my "divalicious" friend, and, I have had my fair share of relationship disappointments because I was a little naïve, having not dated much at my all-female college and spending the entire decade of the '80s in New England. When I returned to NY, I didn't know how the dating game was played and I made a lot of mistakes.
BUT I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and sulk because some of the people in NYC are jerks. I'll bet many of them are here on a temporary pass anyway. My advice to you is to make friends at work and go out with the ones you like. Invite people to do the things you like to do. Pick up the free newspapers and watch NY1 News to learn about interesting events going on around the City.
I've put in a lot of time here and I'm going to continue to try to get the most out of it -- even if it's on this side of the bridges and tunnels. Bottom line is that NYC is a huge place with a whole lot to do and people to meet.
Suggestion: If you like books/poetry, etc ... a classmate of mine formed this organization The #1 Site for African American Literature - Books, Novels, Authors, Movies, Resources, discussion and More African Diaspora and they often host literature-related events around the town. One of my ski club friends is also affiliated, as is a former work colleague. The funny thing is that not one of us realized that we knew the others until we all saw the friendship connection on Facebook . But it goes to prove what I said earlier about people in the same circles sharing the same values, etc.
I'm exiting this thread now cause I think I've said enough. I wish you the best of luck and if you want to play volleyball, I'm more likely to do it in Flushing Meadows Park than in Central Park
Hey queensgirl, you have made some very interesting points here as usual. I think you got off track though. My post was in response to a question posed to me about the dating meetup I organized years ago that went belly up. I am not actually on the market, so to speak. I have a very rich life. Read back through my posts if you wish. I found this thread and othes like it very interesting not because I am some pathetically desperate female out there looking for a man. My only concern at this point in my life is this: Even given the fact that my life is fabulous (great jobs, artistic work, friends, family, community involvement, etc., etc., etc.) how in the world does a woman of color of a certain age even hope to find love in a city where love seems to have become a four-letter word? lol.
I am loving these discussions, and I find them refreshing. Of course, each person must ultimately find his or own way. One person on the dating scene my find that searching for that certain someone is the way to go. My best girlfriend got sick to death of the games being played on the scene, sick to death of "kissing frogs," so she eventually found her husband via online dating--with purpose and focused intent. I, on the other hand, as I have said, have had more good fortune finding partners by just being myself and doing my own thing, being in the right place at the right time.
This is just my story. Do not mix me up with all the bitter, confused, and/or hopeless people who have offered us their take on the NYC dating scene. Try not think that what works for you will work for everyone, ok?
Sorry you feel you need to opt out of the discussion. I think you add a lot to the discussion.
I sent you a private message. I wasn't planning to come back but I would like to respond publicly to a few things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
How in the world does a woman of color of a certain age even hope to find love in a city where love seems to have become a four-letter word? lol.
Women of color (e.g., Asians, Latinas, etc.) do find love. IMO, black women have the most difficulty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
Do not mix me up with all the bitter, confused, and/or hopeless people who have offered us their take on the NYC dating scene.
I don't. I have read your posts and your life seems balanced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
Try not think that what works for you will work for everyone, ok?
Wow, that wasn't my intent at all. I sensed someone's frustration and was offering food for thought. With so much emphasis in this City on meeting people one way, I was posing an alternative that some folks may not have considered. Again, it was to shift the Manhattan-centric perspective a bit.
I sent you a private message. I wasn't planning to come back but I would like to respond publicly to a few things.
Women of color (e.g., Asians, Latinas, etc.) do find love. IMO, black women have the most difficulty.
I don't. I have read your posts and your life seems balanced.
Wow, that wasn't my intent at all. I sensed someone's frustration and was offering food for thought. With so much emphasis in this City on meeting people one way, I was posing an alternative that some folks may not have considered. Again, it was to shift the Manhattan-centric perspective a bit.
Hey, welcome back. So glad you clarified your position. We are definitely on the same wavelength. It's great to have a variety of perspectives--especially outside the proverbial box of the tiny island of Manhattan.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 219,500 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by queensgrl
I was posing an alternative that some folks may not have considered. Again, it was to shift the Manhattan-centric perspective a bit.
Who really has the time to get out and about in the city though to meet people (who, statistically speaking, will only ********* over, btw)? The trains out to Queens and Brooklyn are *insane* and take forever. I lived in Inwood and it took just about an hour in total, just to get downtown. The city is too difficult, for me at least. I am sorry but I'm not a teenager anymore and my feet hurt from walking long distances, up and down stairs, with a necessary backpack and then standing on the freaking train for like an hour because there are just too many people around, and not enough seats for them. It's EXHAUSTING. Think I'll stay in my local area, which is currently not NYC.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 219,500 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by queensgrl
Rather than creating a "conscious dating meetup group" why not plan an activity, like a series of volleyball games?
Because A. a 'conscious dating meetup group' is a mindblowingly innovative idea, the kind of which has the potential to be newsworthy or if catches on, spur a new movement or counter-culture, perhaps, a 'dating counter-culture', whereas sports are more boring than doing my laundry. At the very least it provides a piece of pro-morals information in the environment for people to latch onto and to give hope.
B. I have about 13 thousand fields of interest and volleyball is not one of them.
C. I have 4 thousand things to do around the city already.
D. They already have them on meetup.com- kickball is the new trendy one.
E. There's the Times article about how in NYC, *it's only women joining these groups, not men.* That is how the groups are created by lonely single women.
F. The issue is not meeting people anyway, it's about the *quality* of the interaction, the character of the guy, and the likelihood of him treating you well, all of which are sorely lacking. THAT is the problem here. Everyone acts like it's so annoying , women like me typically complaining about our singledom, when it has nothing to do with us not meeting people, it's about the quality of how men treat us that is what we are complaining about. No matter how annoying I may be, I still attract men who spend significant time invested in me until date 1 or 2, at which time they proceed to disappear. Suspiciously- right after I don't sleep with them.
I saw this today and wanted to share. Maybe it will be of interest to someone.
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. There are plenty of other places to go where there are down to earth people. 
. But it goes to prove what I said earlier about people in the same circles sharing the same values, etc. 
It's EXHAUSTING. Think I'll stay in my local area, which is currently not NYC.
Another Alternative
