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I am in shock because I am getting harassed on Facebook by my deceased mother's siblings. I kindly asked them a few days ago to not post pictures of her because it upsets some of the immediate family members (her children and husband). So, all of a sudden, one of my aunts started screaming on Facebook that she could do what she wanted, using my mother's full name. She then continued to say that she could post 30000 pics of her if she wanted. Another aunt joined in ... and then another. Then, finally, my uncle said we were sick because we used our mother's Facebook account with her name, even though she was no longer alive. We do it in her honor (grandchildren like to see her name pop up). So, just today, my uncle is posting giant-sized pictures of my mother on Facebook, over and over again.
We had to block everyone- me, my sister, and my Dad.
I am so embarrassed. Has this ever happened to anyone before? I did absolutely nothing wrong. I just asked people to be respectful, as Facebook is a public forum/message board. My mother was a very private person.
I feel so disrespected. My two aunts and uncles are bullying me, and they are in their 60s and 70s. All I could do was block them. My uncle tried to call, and I had to block his number.
What happened that something like this would trigger such hatred for my mother's children and her husband, my Dad?
You answered your own question. FB is a public platform. If no one is violating FB's TOS, they can continue. So, you happen to feel differently about posting photos than other members of your mother's family do. You are free to feel the way you do but so are they. Why should you get to dictate what other family members can and cannot do? Based on what you provided (which was your side only BTW), somehow I doubt a request that they be "respectful" in isolation triggered such a vehement gang reaction. Somehow, I bet the manner in which you expressed your wishes was a little more passionate than you care to admit. You are also being hypocritical by continuing to use your mother's account for your own purposes...yet in the same breath you turn around and condemn their way of commemorating the deceased? This has double standard, ego, and attempt to control written all over it. If you don't like what they're posting, don't look.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-06-2024 at 04:13 PM..
You answered your own question. FB is a public platform. If no one is violating FB's TOS, they can continue. So, you happen to feel differently about posting photos than other members of your mother's family do. You are free to feel the way you do but so are they. Why should you get to dictate what other FB members can and cannot do? Based on what you provided (which was your side only BTW), somehow I doubt a request that they be "respectful" in isolation triggered such a vehement reaction. Somehow, I bet the manner in which you expressed that wish was a little more passionate than you care to admit. You are also being somewhat hypocritical by continuing to use your mother's account for your own purposes...but you turn around and condemn their method of commemorating the deceased? If you don't like what they're posting, don't look.
It doesn't matter if it's allowable -- it's not morally appropriate when immediate family members ask people not to do that. It's about decency. If someone asks me not to post pictures of someone because I am their son or daughter, I would never do it. It's called respect. No excuses.
I do not understand the concept of honoring adeceased person by keeping their social media alive.
Your uncle tried to call but you rejected what might have been an opportunity to everything on the table.
It doesn't matter if it's allowable -- it's not morally appropriate when immediate family members ask people not to do that. It's about decency. If someone asks me not to post pictures of someone because I am their son or daughter, I would never do it. It's called respect. No excuses.
Respect is a two way street! Their manner of sharing memories of and/or processing the passing of a primary relative is different than yours. Neither one is wrong let alone indecent. Why should what you want trump anyone else? This is the sort of petty family feud no one wins. Someone may be rolling over in her grave because of this squabble. Sad.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-06-2024 at 04:15 PM..
They are also grieving so they post in a way to help them through this time-including pics. I don't know how you responded to it. Did you tell them that it made you uncomfortable or did you demand that they cease & desist?
My concern is if their accounts are public, everyone and his brother will see those pics and know that your mother is no longer here but still vulnerable to identity theft. And you using her account might not be the smartest move either.It might make them feel uncomfortable.
As for identity thief, I doubt it will matter. A deceased person with a cancelled social security number won't be high up a thief list. Anyway, are too many people on fb posting so your mother's picture will get lost in the web.
Send FB a copy of your mother's death certificate and shut your mother's account. It must be sad to see your relatives throwing a fit at their age. However, I must say, I kept my mother's fb account. After six years, it feel creepy. I think it's better to send texts to the immediately family members.
It doesn't matter if it's allowable -- it's not morally appropriate when immediate family members ask people not to do that. It's about decency. If someone asks me not to post pictures of someone because I am their son or daughter, I would never do it. It's called respect. No excuses.
People grieve in their own way, honestly you do not have sole rights to your mothers memory.
Quite frankly I would suggest the following, stop for a few minutes and contemplate how your mother would feel about this situation. It would seem that she would be mortified and ashamed at all of this in her passing.
I'm not taking a side in this mind you, I don't know the family dynamics, just offering a suggestion as to what the most important person in this story would think about this and whose wishes are being followed.
Send FB a copy of your mother's death certificate and shut your mother's account. It must be sad to see your relatives throwing a fit at their age. However, I must say, I kept my mother's fb account. After six years, it feel creepy. I think it's better to send texts to the immediately family members.
I agree on closing the FB site. That would be the easiest option.
If not, I would maybe post a closing tribute to her on the page and retire it from active postings but leave it open for a while in case some friend looks her up and doesn't know of her passing. You have control over who can post or see postings. I would eventually close it.
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You answered your own question. FB is a public platform. If no one is violating FB's TOS, they can continue. So, you happen to feel differently about posting photos than other members of your mother's family do. You are free to feel the way you do but so are they. Why should you get to dictate what other family members can and cannot do? Based on what you provided (which was your side only BTW), somehow I doubt a request that they be "respectful" in isolation triggered such a vehement gang reaction. Somehow, I bet the manner in which you expressed your wishes was a little more passionate than you care to admit. You are also being hypocritical by continuing to use your mother's account for your own purposes...yet in the same breath you turn around and condemn their way of commemorating the deceased? This has double standard, ego, and attempt to control written all over it. If you don't like what they're posting, don't look.